I'm not sure if i ever told you guys that we finally got a notice of default. i guess it was about a month ago. so we're officially in the foreclosure process and there will be an auction date set on our house within the next few months.
at least that's what they say.
yesterday i finally was able to contact someone at the actual bank! during this time, it's always been someone NOT with the bank, but some sort of collector just seeing if you're going to pay-
the lady at bank of america was a first class bitch. shocking, i know. she was so fucking condesending that i wanted to reach through the phone and kick her in the neck!!! she's so lucky we don't have the ability to do that sort of thing....yet.
"well when will you be on your feet enough to start paying your mortgage?"
me- "well i can't really answer that since i've been unemployed the last 2 years. i've tried to get a job this whole time..."
"oh, you haven't had a job for 2 years? WOW... well are you doing ANYTHING to bring in income to your family?"
me- "what do you mean? in what regard?"
"well are you willing to do anything to bring in money? maybe you should rent out a room?"
me- "i have a child in the house and i'd really rather not rent out a room to a stranger, but thanks."
"okay, so you really don't have anything you're willing to do. and you can't afford your property anymore. my advice to you, and i'll be noting this in your file, is that i'm recommending you take any money you've saved and go find a place that you and your family can afford to live in."
wow, thanks for that brilliant gem.
this was all after she said there was nothing they could do for us. we don't qualify for any kind of modification- not in house, out of house, govt, etc.
so after getting that final answer yesterday- it sort of all hit me. and i got a little sad. it sucks to know that we're losing this stupid ugly house... if only for all the time, effort and money we've put into it. money, that realistically, we didn't have. but we wanted to make our house nicer- prettier- feel like home- and it sucks that i kind of look at all of that as a complete fucking waste of my precious time, money and effort.
it's all been for what?
i was also sad because i think that i carry the stress of this whole house situation on my shoulders. or it lives in my head daily. i cringe everytime the mailman comes near the house. i'm petrified that he's going to ask me to sign for something that says we have 30 days to vacate the property. i feel like i just sit here waiting for it all to drop around me.
and i know i could end all of that by just packing up and leaving first- before any of that happens- but the flip side is- WE'RE SAVING MONEY! and the allure of trying to save as much as we can, outweighs everything else right now. i'm obsessed with trying to just build as much of a nest egg as i can while we're in this situation. i'm terrified that we'll need all the money once we leave this place. and i want to have it.
so do we sit here and wait until we're told to leave, or do we start packing and leave on our own accord- and put this part of our lives to rest and start the next part? i will admit that living this way feels stagnant- like i'm not moving forward- like i'm on pause- stuck-
anyway, that's where we're currently at. i imagine it's only a matter of time before we're packing up and trying to find a place to live with out 2 big dogs. *crosses fingers*
until then, the psycho in me wants to get boxes and start packing up everything we don't use, need, etc. i want to make this as painless as possible for when we do have to go- i want everything except our clothes and kitchen shit to be packed and ready. you know?
i know i'll thank myself later for it.