why is it that we give our friends, family, or people who know us, less credit than perfect strangers?
what i mean is- it's been a rough week for me emotionally. this whole book thing is scary. and thrilling. and puke inducing. and horrifying. all at the same time.
and in all honesty, i'm not really used to feeling those kinds of emotions. i'm definitely not used to feeling queasy everytime i get online. or anxious. or sad.
these feelings suck.
i'm sort of in a yucky place right now. okay, i get it- my book isn't resonating with people the way that i hoped it would.
logic = that's okay. that's normal. keep writing.
emotions = people hate me. my writing sucks. people hate my book. i'm really sad about it.
and it's like, no matter what anyone who knows me says about my book or my writing- i totally take it with a grain of salt. because you know me, you know how i am. you know my personality. you know the way i talk. the way i deal with people. the way i write. and so you read my books differently. you can hear me in them. whether you realize it or not, you cut me some slack because i'm your friend.
that's why i find myself pretty much longing for strangers to tell me they LIKED my book. that they enjoyed the story. they found the characters fun, funny and relateable. that the idea of past lives was neat, intriguing, or something positive.
and when you don't get that.... or you find that everyone who loves your book is someone you know...
well you start to question things.
like your ability to write a good story. or a good book. or have characters that i thought were normal when i wrote them, but i keep hearing they're "too perfect" so people don't "care" about them. i guess society hates perfectly nice people. who knew?
anyway. i'm sad. i feel really down. and i know this was my very first book ever and i didn't know what the hell i was doing when i wrote it, but i still really loved my story. don't get me wrong- i wrote this book a year and a half ago and so i cringe at times when i read parts of it. and sometimes i want to scrap the book and rewrite it. but i know that if i do- i'll constantly be editing one book, and i'll never write any others. because i'm always going to be growing and shifting and learning. and the more i write, the better my writing will get (i hope).
it still really sucks to watch the star ratings on your book go down, down, down. and see that someone filed your book online in a folder called "nothing-special."
it sort of sucks being in my head right now. go ahead and make me feel better. you're my friends so you have too. :)