Tuesday, June 07, 2011

when self defense isn't okay

during the school year this year there were issues between blake and one particular boy. these issues would crop up over and over again.

blake is in 7th grade. or he was. i guess he's officially an 8th grader now? scary.

anyway, this boy felt that it was okay to slap blake in the face on numerous occassions. now i wasn't there, so i have no idea how hard the slap was, or what it was like- all i know is what blake told me. and i assume that the kid probably did like a light smack to his cheek or something. but he did it more than once. he did it far more than a handful of times. and the vice principal of the school was aware this was happening.

well blake didn't like it. i'm sure you're shocked. no really, come slap me in the face... i enjoy you violating my personal space and touching me uninvited.

so near the last day of school, the boy slapped blake again (for seriously probably the 20th fucking time). blake turned and shoved the living shit out of the kid.

i'm not sure how this got to the principals office, but all i know is what came home to me from my son.

blake came home and told me that the assistant principal of his junior high school told him that:


i'm just going to sit here for a minute and let you read that line again.

and again.

and then one more time.

self defense is not okay at school.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?

hold on, because now i'm all pissed off and riled up again.


okay, look. i understand that a school environment probably isn't allowed to support any type of "violence." i get it. i also get that they have zero tolerance on things. i truly do get that there needs to be rules and safety, etc. i understand that school needs to be a safe enviornment for our kids- I WANT A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR MY KID.

but you're telling me that if someone is sitting there getting the living shit beat out of them... they have to just take it?

they can't defend themselves and punch back.. or kick... or shove.. or do something to stop it?

they just have to sit there and get hit over and over again until that person decides they're done hitting them?

what the fuck, man?! you cannot teach our children that they cannot defend themselves!!!!! moreso, you can't tell them that it "ISN'T OKAY" to defend themselves. and i'm sorry, but i don't consider allowing someone to get hit (and not fight back) a safe environment.

our society has gotten so screwed up somewhere along the way. because how else has DEFENDING your self, become not okay?

if blake defends himself, he'll get suspended. why is my kid getting in trouble for not allowing someone to violate him? when did it become wrong to hit someone back who hit you first? we can't tell everyone to "turn the other cheek" all the time. we can't raise an entire generation of our boys to be giant PUSSIES. cause that's what we're doing.

we're constantly telling them to "walk away..."
"don't fight back.."
"turn the other cheek..."
"find an adult or someone who can help at all costs..."

i just really, really, really, think that mentality is wrong. a

nd if that kid slaps blake again next year, i hope he punches him in the fucking jaw. because maybe then, that kid will stop putting his hands on my son's face.

and when blake gets suspended for DEFENDING himself at school. i'll take his ass out for ice cream or something. because he won't be in trouble at home.


Karen Sugarpants said...

We're going through the same thing here with my nearly 13 year old. Kid punches D in the arm a lot, makes fun of him, etc. My husband talked with D and last week, the kid told him to get off the bike rack because he wanted to sit down, and D told him no. Kid shoved him off and D stood up, shoved him hard, and said, "If you touch me again I'll beat the shit out of you."
Yes, as parents, we condone our son's ability to defend himself. You're right - this generation of boys is being raised as a bunch of pussies and I, like you, will take my kid out for ice cream if the school punishes him for having self respect and defending himself.

Anne said...

Why wasn't the kid who was slapping him suspended in the first place? That's like the school turning a blind eye and condoning violence anyway. THAT kid should have been suspended. And I'll join you on your ice cream trip - and help throw a party!


laurie said...

Agreed, if the school knew about the problem (B being slapped numerous times and the school ignoring it) that is the BIGGER issue. My friend's daughter had the same issue. The school was aware she and this other girl were not getting along. They went through mediation (the school's answer to not defending yourself with punching, etc) and then it started up again. My friend's daughter went through the steps again with the school to report it. Finally one day the girl trips her, she gets up (upset, naturally) and defends herself to the girl. They both got suspended. My friend argued with the school on WHY she had done it - she was pushed to her limit with this girl and tried the "right" avenues for working it out, with no help. She was NOT in trouble at home, for sure.

I get why school's have to be zero tolerance, but then they HAVE to follow through with working through the issues and I don't see that happening.

Melizzard said...

Reminds me of something my neighbor went through last year.

He's a dorky science kid who goes to a science magnet with a bunch of other nerdy little science kids and it's exactly what you might imagine. Pack of little nerd boys/girls clustered in a urban, failing middle school surrounded by basically middle school aged gang bangers.

So one mom (in classic denial behavior) unwisely decided to send a big tupperware full of brownies to school with her angel on his birthday to share with his friends. You can see where this is going right? He totally got jumped for the brownies.

To their credit the other little nerd boys all jumped on the jumper and tried to defend their friend. A couple who have played baseball for years even managed to land a decent punch or two. Guess who got suspended for fighting?

Yeap. The dorks. Didn't matter that the banger had tackled the other kid for the brownies and wrestled him the ground when brownie-boy wouldn't let go. Banger boy never threw a punch. He walked away with just a warning.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Anne.

The other kid should've had consequences for HIS actions, then your son possibly wouldn't have had to defend himself.

P.S. Let's hope the other kid moves during the summer to another school district...or maybe another state. :)

Nyt said...

What I find ironic about the whole thing is that schools and parents across the country are up in arms about bullying. Thousands of articles, books, discussions, blah, blah, blah... and it's all bullshit. With all this touchy, feel good, "understanding" crap the kid who has been bullying (yes, that's the word, feel free to use it)your kid, is now being coddled for getting a taste of his own medicine. That's crap! I'll tell you what I told my own child at the tender age of four... she's tiny and she had that one kid who was continually pushing her down, and I'd come in to a blubbering Eggroll. PUSH BACK! She did, knocked him down, made him cry, and the whole bully thing ended just that quick. I got lecture from the teacher, to which I responded that you all have been here, seen it, and done nothing more than wag you finger and tell the kid no. Didn't stop a thing. Now it's done. And I reminded them that these kids who feel bullied, these kids that feel the pressure to NOT fight back, are precisely the kids who are at risk of showing up some place armed and dangerous.... a little action now could save them a whole lot later..

kherbert said...

In Texas you have the right to defend yourself if attacked in school. It is the law.

ster said...

i love you all- karen..love that D said that. B told the kid that too, but i know that it will be really hard for him to actually punch someone who used to be his friend. he has hit a kid before (for slapping him in the face- wtf) and he felt AWFUL about it for days after. :(

anne- don't know why he wasn't suspended. don't know lots of things. fuck yes, party time! :)

laurie- you are totally right. they knew it has happened MULTIPLE times and nothing has been done except the whole "you two should stay away from each other".... um, how can they do that when they have THREE classes together?!?!? and a lot of that stuff happens IN/DURING classtime?!

melizzard.. holy fuck, this comment made me LOL a lot. i'm sure that makes me a bad person in someone's eyes, but jesus.. LOL

nyt- love your comment (per usual). yes, he is a bully. yes, he has other problems, but you're right- in understanding WHY he behaves the way he does, we are in a sense coddling him, and therefore condoning his actions. ARGH

kherbert- it's a little scary when i want to say that TEXAS sounds like the only sane place. LOL

Smug said...

Have you contacted the school administrators? I would demand a sit down and make them answer these questions!! We have to hold them accountable!!

Anonymous said...

F****ING crazy, I'd be all kinds of pissed too. Self defense is always ok in my book -- someone hits my kid I give him support 100%to defend himself!!

R said...

I love this. not the part where your kid is getting smacked around, or the "you can't defend yourself" bullshit - but your response to it TOTALLY LOVE IT. I agree completely. and I also want to know why this other punk hasn't been disciplined for HIS actions?? WTF! THAT is crap!! I know the anti-bullying legislation isn't passed in all the states (MI included - a friend's son was a victim of bullycide 8 years ago and he's been fighting ever since to get it passed here - getting closer, but still not close enough!) but even some of the states/schools that have it don't enforce it well (if at all)... this country needs some serious help if these younger generations are going to live together in harmony... my daughter is definitely going to know how to defend herself... Hubs is a cop and we're both hunters... ain't NOBODY gonna push my baby around (more than once anyway... I hope.) Good luck! I'm sending good vibes your way, and bad mojo that punk's direction... (okay not really, I don't know anything about voodoo or whatnot.. it just sounded good at the time. not so much anymore.) :)

ster said...

R- did you say BULLYCIDE??? is that what i think it is?!?!?! did someone kill themselves due to bullying?? :(