just to further depress myself.. or make myself feel even shittier than i already do- i wanted to write down just what we'll be losing when we lose our house... in dollar signs.
can someone point out to me the clear space and time when the american dream of home ownership turned to anything but? i honestly think that i can remember when it happened. when everything changed and got totally screwed up. it truly wasn't that long ago.
*deep breath* here goes:
i took $15,000 out of my retirement fund to put down on the house.
"a sure thing" everyone said. "a home is a sound investment, the best investment you can make!" i love that bank people and realtors make you unrealistic promises and guarantees. "in 5 years, you'll MAKE money on this house! it will be worth more than you paid for it and you'll both be making more money in your jobs." quite the crystal ball you guys had. hope you aren't continuing to say those things to people.
dear bitterness and hurting heart- stop distracting me.
$25,000 down on the house (15k of that from my retirement)
$15,000 worth of structural work UNDERNEATH the home. the cement posts were rotted and buried in water. they all to be replaced before we even moved in. we were initially told this would cost $5000 and that the bank would cover it.
$2000 for new carpet in the bedrooms only$$ for ceiling fans in 4 bedrooms (none of the rooms had any lights built in, so i figured this was the easiest and best way to have light and air in each room)
$$ for endless amounts of paint. i repainted the entire house (after taking down walls upon walls of 30 year old wallpaper)
boyfriend repainted the ceiling throughout the house (but not before he scrapped off the popcorn from every inch).
i also repainted all of the bedroom, closet & bathroom doors, as well as the cabinets in the hallway & bathroom.
$$ for appliances- fridge, exhaust fan, washer & dryer
$$ for furniture- couch, dining room table & chairs, shelving units, stands, etc
$$ for new hardware- all door handles & hinges and kitchen cabinet handles
$$ for sod, pipes & machine equipment rentals- tore up the decaying and rotting hot tub & deck in the back yard and planted grass throughout. also did french drains so the area would drain properly and not flood like it was.
also tore up the front yard and planted grass
$1500 for front entrance- stone & rock walkway
$$ replaced front door, garage entrance to house door & new locks for each
$$ blinds & window coverings on 30 year old windows we couldn't afford to replace just yet (thank the freaking goddess).. in our vain attempt to keep the heat/cool air in/out of the house
and the absolute MOST IMPORTANT factor of all:
$$$$$$$$$ all of our time. doing everything ourselves. weekend after weekend of work, work, work on the house. updating, fixing, making it look decent. hours upon hours that we can never get back.
it sucks to think that we're going to lose this house (or short sale, but either way- it will no longer be ours) and in essence, we will be losing everything we've put into it. all of our time. all of our hard work. all of our efforts. and a shitload of money.
just kissing it all goodbye.
thanks for nothing.
all of that and we'll walk away with nothing to show for it, except a completely fucked up credit score.
it just doesn't seem right.