when i was single, i convinced myself that i hated valentine's day. it was a stupid, made up holiday for hallmark, chocolate companies, and the flower industry. i think i mostly tried to make myself believe all of this, because i was alone. and what single girl in her right mind would be a fan of a day that is all about representing the love she was so desperately lacking in her life? yeah, valentine's day was dumb and no one was going to get her to say otherwise. it wasn't that she didn't believe that valentine's day was idiotic, cause a part of her certainly did.... but she knew it was mostly because she had no one to share it with.
now that i'm technically taken (hahaha), i'm still not a big fan of the day of cupid. but i started wondering if i wasn't a big fan because boyfriend completely sucks ass on this day. maybe if he was a fantastical gift giver on the day of love, i'd feel differently? but instead, he claims to hate it, more often claims to forget it exists, and rarely (if ever) acknoweledges it. why the hell would i get excited for a day that more often times than not, ends in utter and complete disappointment? i wouldn't. so i sit here and still tell myself that valentine's day is dumb. it's stupid. who cares? blah blah blah.... but it's all because i don't want to be let down. i'm all about self preservation and protection people. if you never knew that about me, you know now. i will do whatever it takes to protect my mind, heart, soul and spirit. i will build brick walls 100 feet in the air, if it means that i won't come crashing down in the end. although sometimes things are worth the fall, and i know that- but for other things... get me the mortar and bricks.
it's not like i deserve the special treatment anyway. i feel like my unemployed, non working ass doesn't really doesn't have the right to want for anything right now. i love how everything in my life currently revolves around the fact that i don't have a job. no jenn, you cannot turn on the heater during the day-YOU HAVE NO JOB! you do not deserve anything special or overly romantic- YOU DON'T PULL YOUR WEIGHT FINANCIALLY! how dare you want anything above and beyond when YOU CAN'T GIVE IT! clearly, i don't put enough pressure on myself.
anyway.. maybe the correct way that i feel about valentine's day is more like- it's a constant let down and a constant disappointment, so i choose not to believe in it. it holds no magic for me. it's dumb. lol
do you love or hate valentine's day? do you get gifts? do you give gifts?