Friday, January 14, 2011

the post where i tell sears to blow me

what is it with corporate america and their ability to make me want to tell them to go fuck themselves?!?!?!

right this very moment (okay, more like 20 minutes ago) i realized the fridge was broken. it was flashing an E F error code.. which of course, you have no idea what that means unless you look it up online. the manual doesn't say anything about any flashing error codes. no codes, no flashing, no nothing. stupid manual.

so i called sears. because that's where we got our kenmore elite fridge from. sears. i'm pretty sure that call i made was routed to.. i dunno, zimbabwe maybe... maybe it was kentucky? all i know is that there was some major breakdown in communication along the way.

them- "what phone number is associated with your account when you bought the fridge?"
me- "oh geez, i'm not sure.. try this number."
them- "no account is showing with that number."
me- "shoot, i'm sorry. okay, try this one."

them- "no account is showing with that number."
me- "crap. i dunno, how about this?"
them- "no account is showing with that number."
by this point i'm thinking that maybe i'm talking to a robot. so i give her 1 more phone number and pray to the fridge gods that it's the right one.
them- "yes, that works."
praise the freaking lord cause i was running out of numbers to choose from lady.
them- "can you give me the name associated with the account?"
me- "yes. it's jenn"
them- "thank you janet."


after i revived myself, she informed me that the soonest a technician would be in my area (cause clearly, they're flying in from zimbabwe.. or riding a horse from kentucky), would be on tuesday, the 25th. THE TWENTY MOTHER FUCKING FIFTH.

that is eleven days away. eleven days. you know what happens to food without a freezer or a fridge in 11 days?

yes, you in the back waving your hand violently?

does it go bad and spoil, miss janet?

someone give the girl a prize!!!

it spoils. it unfreezes. it melts. IT ROTS.

it's a total and complete loss. awesome.

so unless sears wants to send me a $300 gift card to a local grocery store to replace all of the food i will lose WAITING on my non bon bon eating ass (cause i don't eat warm ice cream bitches) for the next 11 days.... HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

and listen, i realize that there are things going on in the world.. maybe going on in your world, that are far more serious than my fridge breaking. i'm not trying to say omg, people are dying, BUT MY FRIDGE IS MELTING MY ICE CREAM (at least you can afford ice cream, janet!!!!).
and it's not like my dishwasher broke and heaven forbid i have to hand wash dishes until it's fixed. or my stove broke and so i won't be able to cook anything on the stove.. which would stuck, but still.. totally liveable. this is the one thing in the home that houses your food and without it.. um... your food doesn't last... it doesn't keep. why the hell am i defending this?

the point of my frustration is that i'm sick and tired of not feeling cared about by anyone or anything (business speaking). you sold me a product. i did nothing to make it break. it's broken. it's not even 3 years old. and you want me to wait until all my food has spoiled to come and fix it. and on top of that, you'd probably charge me some ridiculous price to make it do what it's supposed to do in the first place. i'm sick of companies not caring. i'm sick of feeling like customer service is the last priority on the business grid anymore. it disgusts me. how does anyone stay in business when they treat people this way?

sears, if you ask people to wait 11 days before you can fix something like a refridgerator- you're kind of an asshole and you have an efficiency problem you should be looking into fixing. maybe you don't have enough technicians. hire some. all i know is that if you don't remedy this, i can guarantee that i'll never buy a single thing from your company again. not even if you were the last company on earth. i'd build it myself. with my robot lady from zimbabwekentucky and whoever the fuck janet is.


Russell Berger said...

Jennet, I feel your pain. Unfortunately it seems from the top down, Sears just doesn't have a clue. They spend more time on social networking than they do on actual customer service/repairs. Which is funny because since we purchased our house and therefore purchased a lot of stuff from Sears, they do nothing but call and try to get us to pay for extended warranties which they can't effectively service. You can use my d!ck to allow Sears to blow you "surrogately"

Andrew Lastname said...

Easy there Janet. You have to remember that Sears is ownded by K-mart now. Lower your expectations.

LisaK said...

Jenn-ette ~
While I totally understand your frustration, this was the freakin funniest post I've seen in a LONG time :)

Jill said...

LOL not laughing at you Jenn. It was a funny (yey unfunny post) SO you could take husbands approach. They told him 3 weeks to come out to the sticks to fix the freezer (which has 800 pds of non-replacable food in it(think vension, elk, fresh frozen fish from the nearest lake) so he said fine. And he called the local repair shop who came out that day and fixed it and he presented the company with the bill. Of course they said no way they would pay it and it voided the warranty he said "I am sure my attoney will agree with you as he is sueing your corportate back teeth out over a $1700 dollar freezer plus the cost of the food in it!"

They shut up and paid it. TIme to get a bit tough Jenn.

judy in ky said...

Well, you could just move to Kentucky... it's 17 degrees here, so you could just put all the food on the back porch and it would keep until you get your fridge back. After all, what do you expect from a state that just elected Rand Paul as their senator?
By the way, was the person's name "Peggy"?

nancy said...

here is one piece of advice i got i will pass along. when you call any company and get foriegn customer service tell them you want to speak to an american rep. by law they have to transfer the call to a us rep if it an american company. while it may do nothing to help the service you get at least there will be not langage barrier

SUEB0B said...

We had a Sears fridge with an extended warranty that kept breaking over and over, spoiling our food each time. Sears has a lemon policy where they will replace an item if it breaks 3x under warranty.

So after the 3rd time, I called them for my new fridge. Um, no. Because the fridge broke 2x under the regular warranty and another time during the extended warranty. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Same fridge, and we paid a couple hundred bucks to extend the warranty and yet somehow it is like it becomes A NEW FRIDGE as soon as the warranty resets. Yep. They explained it would have to break 2 MORE times under the extended warranty for me to get a replacement.

Never again.

Andrew Lastname said...

@Nancy - That sure would be nice, unfortunately, it's not true.

Smug said...

Damn it Janet! (sorry, couldn't resist!)

My sister had something of the same issue, the fridge door handle broke, which may not be as big an issue, but it took them 3 weeks to get the repair guy out there only to realize that they had ordered the wrong replacement handle. Then about 3 weeks for him to get back out there again and he installed in upside down. It took like 3 months to get them to get someone else back out there to fit the upside down handle. Then a few months later the light inside the fridge melted the surrounding plastic and fell out. They told her that she would have to pay for the extended warrenty plan for something like $300 that would cover anything and everything, or they could just come out and take a look and then charge her for parts and labor which could be as little as $50 or as much as $1,000! She called a local repair place and they fixed it for $20! I will never shop at sears - EVER!!

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Anonymous said...

OMG, Jenn. I have tears running down my face reading your blog! Hilarious! I, too, had a similar situation with sears. To name a few highlights of my experience, I purchased a new washer & dryer, scheduled a delivery, received "the confirmation call" the night before, and waited, and waited, and waited! Yup, you guessed it -no call, no show. I called sears and they connected me to their "contracted" delivery company. I was first told that I was not on the delivery schedule (but they couldn't explain the phone call) and the earliest that they could get my pair back out to me was 7 days later. I politely told them that this was unacceptable and that they needed to rectify their mistake and load the truck today with my appliances. Here's the straw... I was then called a demanding bitch and was disconnected! Fortunately for me, I had two very young children who had not eaten lunch yet and were very cranky but liked to go for car rides. Because, I plopped them in my car (with my double stroller) and drove to Hoffman estates (aka the world headquarters). As I walked into the beautiful building pushing my stroller with my hungry children, security attempted to persuade me to go home and make a phone call. Really???? You don't think I tried that? As I calmly talked to the guards and explained my situation, I unbuckled my children to let them explore this beautiful lobby..... And boy did they! Within a few minutes, three suits were coming down the escalator to "discuss my situation". Long story short, I was promised to have my items in my driveway ready for installation by the time I got home. Amazing!!! I told them that i did this for the folks who didnt have the luxury to live w/i an hour of the headquarters!!! PS - They were there when we got back home and were installed. Shame on you sears!!!! Shame on you!!!! Did it really take two small cranky and hungry children who like to yell and run to get your attention???