Monday, November 29, 2010

i never thought it would be this hard

for me to find a job. i know everyone who knows me, thought the same thing. oh no worries, you'll only be unemployed for a little bit.

i think part of me thought the same thing. most likely because i've NEVER been without a job before. and i've always been able to get one when i wanted/needed one.

this time is very, very different. now i'm "over-qualified"... or they're concerned that the job i'm applying for is so far out of the norm for me, that i'll "be extremely bored and unchallenged." but those things- they're if i get a call at all. from every job that has reached out to me in response to my resume, they've told me that they have been completely overwhelmed at the number of responses they are getting for their job ad. they tell me that people with all sorts of backgrounds and degrees are applying for positions they would never normally apply for.

the thing is, i feel like a fucking loser not working.

it doesn't matter how many things i do throughout the day... or what i accomplish... since i'm not out of the house, bringing home a paycheck, i feel like a complete waste of space. i could save every homeless puppy in my city, but if i didn't get paid for it, i'd still feel like i totally suck.

i probably wouldn't feel so damn terrible about it all, if money wasn't an issue. right? right. but since we need my paycheck... i feel fucking ridiculous not working. i feel guilty for everything i do. sleeping? why the hell should i be tired? i don't fucking work. get out of bed. but then, get out of bed and DO WHAT???? feel guilty for sitting around the house and NOT WORKING???!?

i think maybe i'm finally starting to crack. ha

i just hate the way not having a job makes me feel. because it wasn't my choice to leave (but i am so fucking thankful to be gone) and it's not my choice right now to not have a job. i keep trying.... and nothing is working out.

i know that there's a lesson, or a message in here somewhere. i know i should see it. it's just hard. i mean, i am thankful that we still have a home and i am so thankful that i get to spend time with blake and take him to/from school everyday. i love that. but it's hard to enjoy it when you're stressed about everything else. it's hard to really just be thankful, when nothing about the situation makes you feel that way.

i know i'm not the only one in this position. it's just all new to me. and it doesn't feel good.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

harry.potter.

so we all know how overly excited i get for movies for come out. and then typically, i'm disappointed. i have to preface this post by letting y'all know that i have not read a single harry potter book. i really do want too. but i just haven't... yet. and maybe that's most of my problem. ha

WARNING- SPOILERS AHEAD

i was beyond thrilled to see this movie. beyond thrilled. i even convinced boyfriend to go during opening weekend and tolerate the whispering and annoyances of constantly chatting teenage girls (who i eventually had to turn around and tell to shut the hell up).

so, the movie. i don't know. it was kind of.... boring? i was kind of bored. i mean, i'm not used to a harry potter movie with very little action, and that's what that one was. also, it's not as much fun if they aren't at hogwarts. it's weird seeing all those characters in "normal" places like the beach and sitting in sand with tall grass blowing around them. it's like my brain can't process that this is a harry potter movie or something. i seriously wonder how necessary this was to have that be an entire movie all on its own. couldn't we have fit all of that information into 45 minutes and then tacked it onto the last movie? a three hour movie isn't unheard of these days, so what the hell? how much of that drawn out, let's sit in a tent some more, was needed?

i feel like a lot of things were explained, but still.. not a lot happened. and what was up with the super emotional burial of dobie... but the completely looked over, and barely mentioned death of mad eye moody? in the opening fight scenes in the sky, why didn't we see more? why weren't we shown how he died? they only briefly mentioned it (which i didn't even understand WHO they said died for the first three times they said it) and then just moved along. i thought that kind of sucked. i would have liked to have seen the fight scene, or whatever it was that killed him. and then had people actually care, or be upset that he was killed. sure it was sad that dobie died, but i haven't seen that character in so long, i kind of cared less.

another thing? harry potter isn't as fun when it's just the three characters the whole time. in all honesty, they aren't that entertaining all by themselves (although there was good humor and ron is awesome). i missed neville... and everyone else. it's more fun when it's a group of them... and um, what the hell was up with the freaking harry/hermoime porn kissing scene?? jesus. talk about uncomfortable. why did they have to be naked when they were fake making out?!?! ew.

also... i feel like scenes that were shown in the movie trailer, didn't even happen in this movie. or am i totally wrong?

so yeah. i'm still excited for the next movie, but mostly because it's supposed to be action the whole time. which clearly, i need.

did you love the movie? would i love it more had i read the books?

Monday, November 22, 2010

discounts! for your face!

skin care rx... the website where i buy my face wash products (the m2 product line)... and where i get my replacement discs for my home micro-dermabrasian kit (which i still totally love by the way) is having a sale. well, it's a private sale for friends and family only. you know the kind. anyway, i wanted to pass along these savings to you, because for as long as i've been involved with this website, i've never seen a 25% discount before. i've never seen more than 15% to be honest.

so head on over to the skinmedica and put in the code: FF25
*Excludes some brands.
Expires Dec. 1, 2010

i'm heading over there right now because i'm out of 1 thing and i really want to try some kinerase product!!! :)

Monday, November 15, 2010

fundraising ideas?


hey everyone.. so this is the year in travel baseball where the team goes to cooperstown for a tournament in the summer! it's the one thing we've all been looking forward too since we started been playing for the team.

but now the time is here... and well, it's at a hefty cost. financially anyway. so we're trying to come up with ideas and ways we can raise money to help deflect some of the cost so we can all go. the hot moms and i want to make a calender for fun. we know a bunch of people who would buy them, but we need to do more than just sell ridiculously hot and scantily clad pictures of ourselves. ha...

i'm going to design a bunch of little products and try to get those sold too, but what else could we do? how else could we make a significant amount of money for the team? i need your ideas! have you done fundraising before? what worked? what didn't?

help! and thank you SO much! :)


Friday, November 12, 2010

the truth is

i just don't have much to say lately.

i am working on my book more. i am adding more depth to it.. more story.. more events.. more more more! it's making it better. they aren't super long additions, but they are additions i should have done in the first place. i know that when i didn't do them, it was because i didn't want to write them in that sort of detail. i was lazy and probably tired, you know? so i didn't. i summed entire things up in a few paragraphs. there are some parts of the book where that's okay, but there are other parts that NEED more. so i'm writing those. so as of right now, i feel like my book has gone back from being done... to not.

but i think it's all part of the writing process. i have a love/hate relationship with my book. but i still love my characters and the story they're living.

still crossing my fingers that someone will take a chance on me, request the whole manuscript (when it's REfinished that is) and sign me to their agency. i want an agent! it is weird being on this side of the fence. where i'm the one hoping and praying that someone will see something special in me, take a chance, and believe in me. i'm usually on the other side of the fence, where people are asking me for the chance (casting/acting), or asking me for advice on how to get an agent, what to do, etc. like i've said before, i have always made sure that i have been more than gracious to everyone in that position because it's how i would want to be treated. maybe karma can kick into gear now?

otherwise, trying to find a "real" job is a complete and total bitch. it is so absurd, it's laughable. i can't even talk about it without laughing. the fact that i'm "overqualified" for everything i apply for is beyond irritating. and by that, they just think i'd be bored. the whole point is, i wouldn't have applied to your job if i thought i'd be bored. why can't you let ME decide if i'll be bored or not? i love how people just make assumptions for you that impact your life.

i'm still positive, happy and i have faith that all of this is happening for some greater purpose and some grander reason. i'll be honest when i tell you that i'm not entirely sure what either of those things ARE, but i'm trusting that my life is currently unfolding in the manner it's supposed to. it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

i call this one

the evolution of eating pudding in a cup... if you're drunk on halloween. and only if you're me, since i'm the ONLY ONE IN THIS GROUP who did this right!!!!

spoons are full of pudding to put in mouth!!!! (except atalea.. it's already in there)
IMG_0174

getting closer!
IMG_0175

woot woot! gaby ate hers... here comes mine!!!! (i love how i'm eyeing it, like it's going to attack me or something)
IMG_0176

someone has a big mouth!
IMG_0177

yum!
IMG_0178

i am just now noticing that atalea's face has not changed in all of these pictures.. lol
the evolution of eating a pudding cup

i think it's funny, but i can't do my normal open mouthed laugh, or pudding will spill out.
apparently it's funny

i look funny with my mouth closed whilst mid laugh
lol

finally! she set the spoon free!
10

Thursday, November 04, 2010

bank of america can suck it

one of the first things i did when i got laid off was contact the bank who has our home loans, and do the tons of paperwork required to try to get our loan modified, under the new program. granted, i still have NO idea what the program entails.

anyway... when i hadn't heard back, i called. they explained the process to me and that things take up to 3 months to get an answer. i remember thinking at the time, how ridiculous 3 months sounded. and that they probably just hope your situation changes within that time frame so you won't qualify for the program anymore.

i called 3 months ago and our paperwork was in the last phase. and i was informed that i should have an answer soon. but then i never heard. so i called again and the person on the phone told me that all our stuff was just sitting there.

just.sitting.there.

it had gone to the last place it needed to go for a decision, and then hadn't gone anywhere else. she was apologizing profusely, but i was livid. it's been 7 months since i filed that paperwork. 7 months without a job. 7 months since i first asked for help.

and the paperwork is just SITTING THERE???

this is why i hate banks. i'm so pissed off. they don't want to fucking help us. they don't give a shit about us. the same way they didn't give a shit about us when they were approving us for our home loan in the first place. i remember them telling us how much we were approved for and i almost spit. they were insane. no wonder people got into trouble. it was a good thing we didn't listen to them. there was NO WAY IN HELL we could have ever afforded what they said we could have. i blame them fully for the real estate crisis we're in now.

we NEED help. and they are doing nothing to help us. paperwork is sitting there. and we're just waiting to hear if we QUALIFY for some program. and if we do, it's only a temporary qualification or some shit. i don't even know what the home modification program entails? i'm sure they aren't doing charity work and just forgiving loans amounts. the truth is, it's probably not even really helpful at all in the long run.

the most jacked up part about all this bank shit, is that we don't even qualify for certain kinds of help because we keep paying our mortgage. we would only qualify once we stopped.

that is crazy to me.

this whole thing is crazy to me.