Saturday, August 14, 2010

there's a definite theme to my life right now

if i had to give my life and the way i feel one word.. it would be this:

or inspired.
or inspiration.
or probably any variation of that word.

i feel like this whole year for me has been about finding what truly inspires me. and that was definitely amplified once i was let go from my job. i didn't have anything dragging me down anymore, so i was free to focus a lot on what exactly it was i wanted from my life and in what ways. i keep coming back to the same word. i keep feeling like i'm looking for inspiration in everything i do... in the places i go.. the people i meet.. the movies i watch.. the songs i hear.. the books i read.. the things i see.. the things i dream. i'm not sure why entirely. maybe i am searching for something (obviously)? maybe i'm just bored? maybe i'm looking for something that makes me FEEL. i'm sure not working has something to do with this, but in all honesty, i think that working would just mask these feelings. they'd still exist inside me, but i'd bury them under my responsibilities. probably until they exploded to the surface and made some huge ridiculous mess. gross.

i kind of find myself interesting. and extremely frustrating. i wonder if i make things more difficult than they need to be. or if i'm so focused on trying to figure it all out, i make the obvious answers unclear. i feel like the older i get, the less i want to be tied down to anything that makes me feel stuck. maybe that's a lot of it? maybe i feel like there is so little movement for me right now, that i'm coming apart at the seams. i honestly don't know. i'm trying to figure it all out, but it's hard. because it requires searching into those deep parts of your soul where things get uncomfortable... and where nothing is absolutely clear. the answers are never easy, but i'm trying to find them. and i think that's where inspiration comes into play. because if something inspires me.. then i feel like it's telling me something.. speaking to me in a way. that there is a reason this certain thing has made me FEEL a certain way. and it's up to me to figure out why and how and put it all together.

this is the journey i'm on right now. i'm trying to learn more about myself. i'm trying to figure out what i need to be sincerely happy each and every day. what job can i do (if heaven forbid i'm not in the entertainment industry anymore) that would make me feel inspired. what can i do that would make me happy to be doing it everyday? i don't really know who i am workwise if you take me out of the entertainment industry. i've pretty much been involved in it since high school. so i guess trying to find me outside of that wouldn't necessarily be an easy task. so i understand why it's a difficult search for me. but that doesn't stop me from wishing it was easier.

maybe i'm just slowly going crazy?
or maybe i really need a job. any job.


Kel said...

I know it's no consolation, but I totally understand what you're saying. It makes a lot of sense to me. Hang in there. Hope you find what you're looking for.

Anonymous said...

I like your word. I think we could all use a little more inspiration.

Alison said...

Get your teaching credential and start inspiring. Unfortunately, however, you won't have any money to travel. :) Just kidding.

Jason, as himself said...

I'm wishing you the very best in your journey of self discovery!

Charles said...

Consider this.....

How do I earn money?

You know that nearly everyone you ask that question will respond with "get a job" but me, I'm different...... I say create as many income (money) sources as you possible can and screw a job.

What is a job anyway? It's making money for someone else!

Heck....why not make it for me and my family instead?

The job security myth has been around for many, many, many years and will outlast both you and I but when you look at reality it's definitely not the best choice when it comes to getting what EVERYONE MUST HAVE in this world to survive ->MONEY<-

Look at it this way.....

Job = One Income Source Controlled By Someone Else

Self-Employed = Multiple Income Sources Controlled By You

Which is the best choice? $400 a week from a job? $40 week from 10 income sources?

My wife and I chose Self-Employed over 20+ years ago and now have 10+ income sources and zero jobs.

So if you're really interested in how to make money and are willing to B.Y.O.B. - Be Your Own Boss - here's one of the income sources we currently enjoy that is absolutely free to's up to you to do the work!

Go here ->
Follow the instructions

Then....Go here ->
Follow the instructions

This is one income source you can create and we have more for you... once you get this one setup and working it.

Chuck S.

PS Under 18 get parents permission