i am running the gauntlet of emotions here kids. this quick trip of mine to new york and new jersey somehow feels more life changing than anything else. y'all know how freaking sensitive i am. how deeply i feel things. and how aware i am of my feelings, my emotions, my desires, and wants, etc.
this trip was incredible. i don't know if it's because i haven't traveled anywhere in almost 2 years. i don't know if it's because i don't have a fucking job right now and being unemployed is the weirdest thing to me ever. i don't know if it's any number of things. but what i do know is that right at this moment, my heart hurts. and i constantly want to burst into tears. i'm a tired, emotional wreck.
i love new york. i love where i stay in jersey. i love the people i meet when i'm there. i love how straight forward and non bullshit everyone is. that is so my style of person. no beating around the bush. no coy games. just straight to the point. it makes me laugh and there is something refreshing about the honesty of it all. when you're used to people who are so concerned with what they say and how they say it.. and want to make sure they're leaving the best impression of themselves with you at all times (no matter how dishonest it may be) there is something to be said about people who don't act that way. i appreciate it. maybe it's because it's how i am. no bullshit. honest and straightforward. and i've always scared the crap out of people in la. it's funny to me when i don't.
i realized during this trip that i really, really, really enjoy meeting new people. i realized that i really can make friends with anyone, anywhere i go. when i first got there, i went with j-fo to her junior high school reunion. and i met and loved everyone there. i got into a really deep and honest conversation with one of her old classmates. we ended up exchanging a few emails during the course of my trip and i don't know that i've ever been so flattered before, as to hearing this stranger tell me that meeting me made him believe in love again. that he knew the right girl was out there somewhere for him... and that meeting me made him realize that the old him (the one he loved and thought was gone forever) was still there inside- all he has to do is find the right girl to bring it out. and he thanked me for helping him see and realize this about himself. he said he hadn't felt that good about who he was in years.
how can someone telling you something like that not completely change you? i feel changed. i feel like maybe he opened my eyes a little bit to the effect i can have on people? i don't know, that sounds really weird and cocky and kind of asshole-ish. it's not how i mean it though. i guess after hearing that from him- i just felt really good about the person i am. and i realized how much i enjoyed helping him realize that about himself. and how happy it made me to hear him say he believed in love again... and that he was open to it.. and that he knew he could be happy again. because all i want is for people to be happy in their lives. life is too short to be unhappy, or bitter, or mad. i love the affect that strangers can have on one another. i changed this guy, and in return he changed me. no matter how small the change... i appreciate what he's made me realize (even if i can't put it into words well).
i met some guys in the airport bar. (shoutout to matt, jon, sean and gary!!!) we all had these ridiculous layovers and so we just hung out and chatted. sean the bartender was so freaking funny and happy and told me how much he loved his job. he honestly made me think that i might make a really kick ass airport bartender. LOL i love people.. i love chatting.. i'm a fucking smart ass who can dish it out with the best of em.. and these people can't stay around me forever because they eventually have to get on a plane (which is perfect in my opinion). i think i might have found my new career path. :) jennster, the airport bartender!!!!! i love it. and now we're all friends on facebook. i love that technology has advanced us all to the point that we can keep in touch with people we meet anywhere from 5 minutes, to 5 hours. you know? it's like that shit was made for sensitive people like me who want to keep in touch with people they've just met, because i'd never forget about them anyway.
i met this amazing guy on my flight from maryland to denver. we sat next to a boy scout who made me laugh and made me want to cry the whole flight. i told that 16 year old boy the importance of knowing how to kiss well. and that a bad kiss can ruin everything. that boy didn't want to believe anything i told him on that flight, so he would ask the guy sitting next to me. and the guy would constantly remind him that i knew more about girls than either one of them did. i think the boy scout hated me cause i was blonde, but i guarantee you he'll never forget what i told him about kissing and that too much saliva is a bad thing and that no girl wants to be assaulted by your tongue. ha ha ha that flight was the best flight ever. the conversations were incredible. and we laughed so much. you can learn A LOT about a person when you sit with them for 4 and a half hours and make the effort. we all made the effort. see? i appreciate things like that so much.
i had so many great experiences on this trip. it's hard to be back here in a place i don't love being. it's made me realize that i really enjoy traveling. i enjoy meeting new people and having conversations that matter. i love making new friends. i love being social. so now i'm wondering, how can i find a job that let's me travel and make new friends? what can i do that would let me really be me? how can i combine everything that i love into something that makes me money?
why can't i get paid to make friends and change lives? lol. any ideas???? i feel like there has to be something that is soulfully fulfilling and fills my heart with goodness and gladness... have to figure out what that is.