Monday, April 26, 2010

sometimes i'm a really crappy mom

mom guilt.

human guilt.

it never ends.

yesterday we were at a bbq at a friends house. apparently while blake and some other boys were in the hot tub, swearing ensued. i got 2 versions of what happened (naturally). there was blake's version of what he did and did not say. and then there was another kids version of the same events. and in all honesty, i believed the other kid.

i believed the other kid over my own child, who has proven to me many times over that he lies VERY seldomly.. i believed what the other kid told me because i assumed that blake was trying to stay out of trouble. i didn't believe blake because i thought he was lying. i just figured he didn't want to get in trouble, so he wasn't telling me the whole truth. i mean, we're talking blake looking me in the eye saying he said one thing, and the other kid looking me in the eye saying blake said something else. then blake saying, "i know what i said!" and the other kid saying, "well i know what i heard!"

and i sided with the other kid.

but you know what?

blake was telling me the truth. and i only found out after i talked to a freaking adult who heard everything. (i should have done that in the first place) and what i found out was that the other kid wasn't telling the whole truth. that kid lied to my face... for whatever reason?!?

so then i apologized to blake. and i told him that i was sorry for not believing him. and that i thought he wasn't being completely honest so that he would stay out of trouble. and you know what? blake was hurt. because he wasn't lying. because he was being honest with me... and i chose not to believe him.

and he should have been hurt. i totally understand it. and i feel terrible about it. and i wonder why we can't be perfect parents all the time? why did i choose to believe some other kid over my own? what does that say about me? why didn't i think that blake was telling me the truth? why did i assume he was lying to stay out of trouble? maybe it's because i thought the other kid had no reason to lie to me....

all i know is that today? i feel terrible about it still. my heart weighs heavy and i just feel badly. ah, being a mom...

7 comments:

Alison said...

Whenever the kids are bickering about something, my instinct is to blame Nicholas. And I always used to do this until I learned that Jessica is a little drama queen and she isn't always innocent! My point is, this not believing your child when he/she is telling the truth happens on an almost daily basis at our house!

J from Ireland said...

Aw don't let it get to you Jenn. My 10yr old son has a slight tendency to tell the odd lie to save his ass so I may have done the same myself.
Mammy/Mom Guilt is fucking shite!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry your feeling bad about the situation. I wanted to add my two cents on a slightly different point that I think many parents, for whatever reason - part of it probably because they WANT to trust their kid, err on the side of ALWAYS choosing to believe their kids's side of a story even when hearing something different from another adult - especially teachers. I think this is one of the bad traits of our generation. I have several family members and friends in the educational field and I hear it ALL THE TIME.

Laura

norcalgirl28 said...

I have been in that situation a number of times and, like you, believed the other child over Drew. I think when we get in these situations, with a bunch of adults around and watching what we are going to do, we discipline our own child first. Think about it, how could you have turned around and told the other child he was lying? Unfortunately it is a sucky situation and our kids end up being blamed. Sometimes, the other kid's parent isn't doing the best job of parenting and we are left to handle the situation by ourselves. I am glad you had another adult tell you the truth. I remember someone ran up to Frank at a party and started telling him Drew did this and that and the other thing and Frank was able to say "I can see from the backyard to the front yard through the open gate and that is not true." Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often enough. p.s. Anyone who knows you knows you aren't a bad mom.

Katie said...

don't beat yourself over it too much! you are a great mom!

IzzyMom said...

You made a mistake but you apologized to Blake and you owned it. That's the best anyone can really do. I know you feel bad for hurting his feelings but someday, when he has kids of his own, he will understand.

CAT said...

there will come a day when your child will do something wrong and you will believe when he says HE DIDN'T.....TRUST ME lol It will all balance out in the ong run...
;-)

love you