it never ends.
yesterday we were at a bbq at a friends house. apparently while blake and some other boys were in the hot tub, swearing ensued. i got 2 versions of what happened (naturally). there was blake's version of what he did and did not say. and then there was another kids version of the same events. and in all honesty, i believed the other kid.
i believed the other kid over my own child, who has proven to me many times over that he lies VERY seldomly.. i believed what the other kid told me because i assumed that blake was trying to stay out of trouble. i didn't believe blake because i thought he was lying. i just figured he didn't want to get in trouble, so he wasn't telling me the whole truth. i mean, we're talking blake looking me in the eye saying he said one thing, and the other kid looking me in the eye saying blake said something else. then blake saying, "i know what i said!" and the other kid saying, "well i know what i heard!"
and i sided with the other kid.
but you know what?
blake was telling me the truth. and i only found out after i talked to a freaking adult who heard everything. (i should have done that in the first place) and what i found out was that the other kid wasn't telling the whole truth. that kid lied to my face... for whatever reason?!?
so then i apologized to blake. and i told him that i was sorry for not believing him. and that i thought he wasn't being completely honest so that he would stay out of trouble. and you know what? blake was hurt. because he wasn't lying. because he was being honest with me... and i chose not to believe him.
and he should have been hurt. i totally understand it. and i feel terrible about it. and i wonder why we can't be perfect parents all the time? why did i choose to believe some other kid over my own? what does that say about me? why didn't i think that blake was telling me the truth? why did i assume he was lying to stay out of trouble? maybe it's because i thought the other kid had no reason to lie to me....
all i know is that today? i feel terrible about it still. my heart weighs heavy and i just feel badly. ah, being a mom...