Friday, April 02, 2010

late to the party, per usual

blah blah.. dooce got invited to the white house for some working mom panel thing (can't you tell i'm totally caught up on this subject?!).. i'm always the last to know about this stuff.

look, in my opinion.. here is the bottom line:

heather is not your typical person. she makes a living from blogging. and a pretty damn good one at that. that's not something the majority of bloggers will ever achieve. the way she makes her money, is not normal.. hence, she is not a typical working mom.

i understand why people are upset, or are questioning why she got invited to the white house to represent working moms.

the thing is, when people think of working moms, they don't think of her. i think people tend to think of people they can relate too. people who do the same types of things they have to do. people who take their kids to daycare, clock in and out, report to someone else, fight traffic to get home in time for ball games or dinner, miss dinner, etc. i think as human's, we think of people who are like us.

it's kind of like in the same way when people talk about the typical blogger, and bloggers get upset when heather gets chosen to represent them. because nothing about heather and the business she has created is typical in any way. therefore, the typical blogger can't and doesn't relate to her.

but my problem is.....
why can't heather accept or see that? why does she have to write a blog post complaining about how hard her life is? and defending how hard she works? and then say she would never treat people the way people treat her... (when i know first hand how UNTRUE that statement is)?

why can't she just say she understands why people think she shouldn't have been invited? why can't she just see the situation from outside her own viewpoint?

in my opinion, it would have been really cool if she had said something like... hey fellow bloggers, i totally see why you don't view me as the typical working mom, but here's why i think i am. or you're right, i'm not the typical working mom, but i totally have work issues too and here's what i plan on talking about from my perspective.

or maybe she's just out of her mind overjoyed at getting an invite at all and doesn't care what it's for or about (cause that would be crazy exciting no)?!

and if that's the case, just say so.

just be honest.

there is something wrong when you constantly feel like people are out to get you, people hate you, they are jealous of you, etc etc. it's not that those people don't exist, but every single person who expresses an opinion different than yours isn't a hater. i'm not writing this post because i'm jealous. i'm writing this post because i'd like people to see that there are other ways to handle these situations. everyone else isn't wrong at the expense of one person being right all the time.

and just because some people don't think heather was a good choice for the panel, that doesn't mean they hate her.. or are jealous of her.. or think she doesn't work hard... she just doesn't fit the mold of who they feel the typical working mom is. and there's nothing wrong with that. the sooner we all figure that out, the better we'll be.


carrie said...


And the sooner people can have grown up conversations w/out acting like junior high (I can't even justify it by calling it high school because it's even lower than that...pretty sad) the better. WE (the women of the blogosphere or whathaveyou) are better than this. WE don't equal this and when one of US has an opinion and expresses it in a completely FINE way, they should not be blasted for it.

I could not believe the backlash that was thrown over something completely harmless, honest and not in any way hateful (from Linda from - she wasn't hating, just having a *gasp* opinion).

Those people should be ashamed of themselves.

But then again, they'd have to be able to read a dictionary to look up the word "ashamed."


Meg @sleepynewmommy said...

I agree. Oh I agree. And I didn't even know this was going on, that's how out of touch I am with the whole situation.

I feel that way about certain other bloggers as well. For example, Pioneer Woman. Don't get me wrong, I think she's great and a fellow Okie and I like her blog, but I also know her situation. Her husband's family has money. Lots of it. And while I like to read about her life on the ranch, I also know that she doesn't have the typical rancher's wife lifestyle. Yet she is becoming a spokesperson for us all and it leaves me scratching my head. (Again, not calling Ree out. I would probably do the same thing in her situation!)

I'm proud of you for yet again speaking your mind!

SUEB0B said...

Good point.

Katie said...

I agree! Good for her for making money, but it isn't working hard my friend...

mamabird said...

Well said. That was brewing in my head last night. When it comes to workplace flexibility, the need for flexibility is where you report to someone who can fire you for taking too many days off to care for your sick children, etc.

Chris O said...

I got sucked into the dooce party when I first discovered blogging. I couldn't understand the attraction to her and don't get me started on her loyal followers. She could fart and they would claim it appeared as technicolor rainbows. I much prefer a more real life blogstream, where a fart stinks and it's also funny.
Bravo to her for making a living blogging but you're correct that this is not what the average blogger is doing nor the average working mom. I haven't caught her show on cable but then again, I haven't been trying to.

judy in ky said...

I wondered about this when I read her blog about it. How can she possibly have any insight when it comes to the average woman's working life??

It just doesn't make sense. What could she possibly have to add to such a discussion?

Yvette said...

When I read Heather's post I pretty much felt the same. While I read her pretty regularly (as well as Ree), I don't see her life as ordinary the norm. It's certainly not a good example of the daily trials of a working mom.

As for me,my ramblings are exactly that. I don't expect to make money from them, nor am I planning to write a book. They are just my thoughts and feelings from day to day, A cyber journal if you will.

I certainly don't take other's comments personally. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

SLynnRo said...


I think the real problem is just what you say- there wouldn't be an uproar if she had ya know, reached out to people and said "look, I can bring my name and the accompanying attention to the table- what do you want to have heard?"

But no, that's not what we got. We got her typical defensiveness which wins her no fans and in no way makes a positive point about herself.

Alison said...

I think of all the times I've sat at the computer reading blogs or entering grades or creating sub plans, and my children are whining in the background for more snacks or mommy-time, and I can't help but think that Heather probably hears the whining all day long while she's working. She may make lots of money from her blog, but she's still working and she makes sacrifices just like the rest of us. Her "working mom challenges" are just different from mine. But I'm sure she still has them...along with the working mom guilt. C'mon, girls, let's support each other. It's the only way we get stronger.

Kristin said...

Well said, Jennster.

"They're jealous" is the biggest cop-out in any world. It's a cop-out in school, in work and in friendships...I don't understand the phenomena that is Dooce, but I also don't understand the Jersey Shore or Crocs, yet others seem to love them...

What I do understand is that very few working mothers enjoy Heather's type of work and her inability to see that, to think that she represents the average or typical working woman is nonsense.

I'm sure the White House also invited nurses and accountants and cashiers and artists and I hope that Heather can take the time to appreciate just how good she has it.

Ericka said...

i was clueless about the situation, but your post is very well written and well thought out.

also, frankly, could apply to several situations with heather.

anyway, well said.