i'm in the process of things right now.
processing the fact that in almost 2 weeks i will no longer have a jay oh bee that pays me weekly paychecks to do my amazingly wonderful job in which i rock the socks off of.
processing the fact that at some point within these next 2 weeks, i should probably attempt to look for and find a new job.
processing the fact that buying the house when we did and where we did puts limits on me in ways i do not appreciate, and will not accept. i absolutely refuse to plan and make decisions for my life based around a house and its ridiculous mortgage payment (which could be way more ridiculous if we were stupid and listened to the dumb loan lady who gave us our loan.. good thing we were smarter than she was). i will break the chains that are trying to so desperately to drag me down and force me to stay in one place. this house will not be my life. or one day i'll burn the fucking thing to the ground. so there.
yes, i've lost my job.
it sounds funny to say it that way. lost it. as if i'm not quite sure where it is. maybe i'll find it if i look under the couch cushions or on the bathroom floor? it's just hiding from me! ha
but it's okay and i don't want anyone to be sad... or write how sorry you are. cause i'm not. it's a good thing. it's the right thing. of course it sucks that it's happening, but ONLY because of the financial part of things. not for any other reason.
which is lame.
we spend way too much of our lives in the office. or at work. or working.
life is about living. and i wish there was an easy way to have that balance and still afford to do things like.. eat and feed your kids and stuff. it's annoying how much control money has in our lives. i guess it only has as much control as we allow it.. i know.. but still, it's a hard habit to break. and there are certain things i won't part with- cause let's face it, i like to do shit. and doing shit costs money. so there.
i'm not sure what my plans are.
i'm not sure quite where i'm headed.
but in all honesty? i'm so fucking excited to figure it all out.
it's weird once you don't have a job anymore. it's as if the entire world is open to you again. you can do anything! be anyone! work anywhere!! i mean, those options never truly go away, but when you're busting your ass in the daily grind day after day, you tend to forget that you have options. you forget that you could leave and do whatever you wanted!!!
because leaving is scary.
and don't think for one second that your workplace doesn't know you feel that way.
they freaking own you.
they owned me.
but soon i'll be free. and the next adventure in my life?
no clue where it's taking me... but can't freaking wait to get on board!!!!!