Wednesday, March 24, 2010

countdown to unemployment

i only have 3 more days of work before i'm officially unemployed.

it's true.

i'm still not freaking out. at least not in the way that it seems people expect me too. they all talk to me with this sympathetic tone of voice.. as if i just told them i was dying of some horrid disease or something. the tone of voice.. the sad look in their eyes.. it's driving me nuts!!

i'm just leaving a job, i'm not losing my life here people!!! *knocks on wood*

i just want people to stop talking and looking at me as though i'm dying tomorrow. i know they're sad. and i know they feel bad. and i do appreciate that, but it doesn't help anything. it doesn't change my situation. it is what it is.

you know, before i was officially let go, i was far more worried about what i was going to do with this job. i was completely stressed and frazzled about what to do.... how to fix things... how to make things better. do i quit? then what? what will i do? where would i go from here? how will my family be okay?

there were so many questions that were purely based and rooted in financial fear. but once i was finally let go.. and there was a firm resolution, everything was ok. i felt so much better. there are still tons of unanswered questions, but the difference is- i'm not worried about them.

i feel like my path here is over and it's time to start on something new. it's just that i'm not big on patience. so while i fully trust that something will open up for me when the time is right- it's hard to give up the control of the time part. it's like.. i'm ready for that new door to open up for me NOW! not tomorrow. not 2 months from now. but NOW. you know?

and it doesn't work like that.

and i know that.

but still..

i'm optimistic and hopeful for the future and what it will bring to me. i still don't know with 100% certainty what it is. i'm not quite sure the path i'm on right now.. or if i'm at a fork in the road. all i know is that i try to be a good person. and i try to follow my soul's desires so i can be fulfilled and truly happy. it's hard because i don't always know what that is. and that's where trust comes in. that it's all happening for a bigger purpose. a bigger reason. and it all happens the way it's supposed to.

now if trust would come with a paycheck, that'd be ideal. ha


amanda said...

So many platitudes, but I think the most genuine things to say is, "Your attitude fucking rocks!"

Katie said...

great way to look at it! And if nothing else, hell yes to a long vacation at home! haha

Anonymous said...

I love your attitude and I don't think anyone doubts that you will be BETTER than fine!