Friday, February 05, 2010

why is it so easy...

to doubt yourself?


have you ever realized that?

it's fucking annoying.

because it seems like you can plan and follow what feels right for only so long. until doubts creep in. or ONE doubt. and it seems like that 1 negative thing can throw you off your path completely.

it's what is happening to me right now.

and it's pissing me off. cause before i had this doubt, i was really motivated. and happy. and singing songs with little birds on my shoulder. nah, you're right.. i would have kilt the birds. but still... this thing.. it felt right.

but now. i'm not so sure anymore. now, i can't shake the doubt. and i don't know if it's because it's scary? or unknown? or a complete and total RISK that involves a ridiculous amount of potential failure... or because i've been reading a lot of information and i'm not liking what i'm hearing. or what i hear scares me. and then leads me to think that maybe it's not the right choice for me. that maybe what i want out of this potential thing, isn't the reality of what i would be getting. maybe i never saw things clearly. maybe i do always cloud things in rainbows and puppies.

*sigh*

it's frustrating to me to see how easy it is to make me start questioning everything.
to make me stop believing.
to make me doubt myself and my potential.

but i guess the reality is... great rewards require great risks. but at what cost? and when is that cost too great?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are a GODDESS and will knock down any obstacle that stands in your way! How could anything that you take on fail?? You're the STER!
ETO

Heather@WHMB said...

Hmmmm, not sure what you are facing here but whatever it is, take a little break from it and change topics for a little while. Do something mindless to take the pressure off, maybe you'll get clarity and be able to know what the best path forward is....

Or go drown in some vodka, that helps at times too. :)

Scientific Lutheran said...

Only you can decide if the risk is too great. But a long time ago I decided that when I died I would rather look back on the things I had done with regret, than to look back with regret at the things I wasn't brave enough to try. It makes scary things a little less scary.

norcalgirl28 said...

First and foremost know that you will always regret what you did not try. You will always look back and say "what if I had....". Second, and equally important, when you want something to succeed you make it happen. Look at all the planning that went into your wedding and you pulled that off with great flair. I have the utmost confidence in you and wish you the best. XOXO.

Alison said...

If you don't try, you'll always look back and wish you had. And, don't doubt yourself. You can make anything work. :)

Jenny said...

I ALWAYS doubt myself or my decisions or my "maybe one day" decisions. And I can't STAND that. I am the queen of deciding to do something then hemming and hawwing over it, because the doubt has started to creep in. I wonder a lot about what might have been had I decided to go with what my gut and heart had told me to in the beginning rather than listening to my stupid head.

Katie said...

good luck! You will kick ass no matter what!

Jenna said...

I hope that whatever you are facing that you get through it with flying colors. You are the 'ster, damn it. :)