i'm in a bad place. and not by choice. i mean, i don't WANT to be in a bad place. i don't want to feel like this. but thus is my life at this point and time. it's really difficult and everyday is a struggle. i wish i could put into words how absolutely beaten down i feel inside. how it is effecting every.single.other.thing in my life. how i can feel it in my chest with every breath i take. how it lingers inside me and doesn't go away. how much it's weighing me down- physically and emotionally.
and i'm just so tired of feeling this way.
i feel like i'm at a breaking point where there is only so much that one human being can take on a daily basis before they simply shut down. i feel like the giant and amazing spirit within me has been beaten into submission. like she has been clobbered into this tiny little speck and everytime she tries to stand up tall and proud, she gets smacked down again.
and i hate everything about that. even the fucking analogy. because it completely and utterly sucks. and it's 100% not me. so dealing with something like this, and feeling like this day after day is just not in my persona.
and it needs to change. because there is very little more of this i can mentally handle. you know?