it turns out that i really don't know how to relax. i don't mean that in a bad way.. like i can't chill the fuck out or something. it's just that i don't know how to sit on my phat ass, and do nothing for an entire day.
case in point.... i had the week off of work and we didn't have plans to go anywhere or do anything. and i realized that the whole time, i was searching the house for things to reorganize, or rearrange, or do. i rearranged blake's entire bedroom. it looks awesome. boyfriend and i went and bought and put up shelving for our downstairs living room. we went electronics shopping. we rearranged and got rid of a couch. we moved a recliner from one room to another.
and the baking.
have i mentioned the baking? i might have experimented with about 6 different kinds of frostings and 4 or 5 different flavors of cupcakes. trying to create things from scratch is hard (and not always yummy).
but the point is that apparently, I CANNOT SIT STILL. so while i have every intention of relaxing and just chilling-
so i had to get away. i decided at breakfast one morning that i would drive to my mom's and stay the night. i needed to get the hell out of the house and at least do that drive. i love driving. i love the space and time it gives me to think. and sing. out loud. where no one else can hear me. it was just what i needed. and i got to see my grandpa (HI GRANDPA!!!!).
and even though my drive down the mountain from tahoe took a billion years, there was a part of me that was grateful for the traffic. because since we were stopped 90% of the time, i got to take pictures. i wouldn't have gotten to do that otherwise. see?
even that small amount of time to get away was nice to get out of town.. get out of the house, and make me feel like i did SOMETHING, you know? i needed it. i need to make a lot of changes happen this year. i yearn for all things positive and i've been feeling negative for way too long. i don't like anything about it. more on that later.