Thursday, January 21, 2010

dear heidi montag

i'm going to start with a picture of you in case some people don't know who you are (which would be awesome). and also because it's the whole damn point of this post.
ridiculous
when the media started talking about you again recently, the first thing i thought to myself was, "oh my gosh, i haven't heard her name in so long."

and i had completely forgotten all about you and that husband of yours.

and in all honesty, it was nice.
a world where your antics and ridiculous statements (which are totally just to get people talking about you, i know) were gone.. was quite blissful. don't get me wrong, i realize i'm feeding the speidi train by even talking about you right now, but this will most likely be my last post about you ever.

i would tell you that i want to speak to you woman but woman, but after reading that article in people magazine, it became clear to me that you are a ridiculously insecure little girl. so i really can't relate. the thing that bothered me so much about everything you said was your emphasis on wanting to be a pop star. and how you are in this industry, so you "have" to do stuff like this to succeed.

but i call your bullshit.

last time i checked, no matter how much plastic surgery you buy yourself, it doesn't give you any talent. you can't be a successful pop star if your singing sucks. maybe you should have invested in vocal lessons, instead of tits. do they have brain implants? you should look into it..

and i'm sorry, but look around. what the fuck industry are you trying to succeed in exactly? cause all you look like to me now is someone fit to be fucked.

i don't see many pop stars who look the way you do. can you even smile anymore? does your face work, or is it broken? it's sad to me that you claim you had to do all of this superficial bullshit to be a success. it's even more sad that THAT exact message is what you're telling all the young girls out there who want to be pop stars, or want to act, or want to make it in hollywood someday.

you just told them that what they look like isn't good enough. you basically said it didn't matter how talented they were, if they didn't look a certain way they could never be successful. that they all have to look like playboy models and porn stars. how original. you sure stand out in LA now, don't ya? must be awesome to look just like everyone else. i can see it now.. the next playboy mansion party.. and no one will be able to tell you apart from all the other girls.

you wake up now and love your body and your face, but you still have no talent and no one wants to buy or hear your "music." you aren't selling millions of albums, or selling out concerts or doing any of the things you claimed you wanted all the plastic surgery for in the first place

in all honesty heidi, it's mostly just sad. sad that you are this young and this obsessed with changing the way you look. you're on your way to being that cat lady person. your eyes already remind me of her. i hope you stop before you get to that point. you think people make fun of you now.... shit, imagine if you were cat lady #2!! also, it kind of freaks me out that your face now looks about 35 years old. how to look 10 years older overnight! the new craze!!

i feel bad for your parents. they must be so sad and so heartbroken to hear you hate yourself so much. i know you'll say you don't hate yourself and you're still the same person inside... but honey, it's obvious that your insides are all sorts of fucked up.

cause this behavior of yours? it's not normal. i know you think it is, but it's really, really not. and i hope you wise up and truly see the beauty in yourself before it's too late... remember, cat lady #twooooooo

18 comments:

Angry Julie Monday said...

She's a complete train wreck. Her and her flesh bearded husband/whatever. I showed husband said picture, he replied, hmmm, she looks like she's prepping for her career in porn. I can see it now, "The Hills", this hills will be about boobs, not Lauren Conrad and LA...

Smug said...

It is truly sad to see what she has done to herself, but it is even more sad to her her reasons.

Sole Matters said...

VERY well said!!

Andie said...

I couldn't have said this better, Jenn!!!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

She's sold a whoppin' 600 CDs. Probably all purchased by her husband. She's pathetic.

randomblogette said...

I so agree. Having plastic surgery will not change the fact that she has no talent! It is so sad to see her got through this. I really feel pity for her. One day she is going to wake up and realize that she is so wrong but it will be too late!

corrin said...

Total trainwreck. She's well on her way to becoming cat woman.

Anonymous said...

I saw an interview with her, and she said her message to girls was that true beauty comes from the inside. But she directly refutes that by what she's done to herself. And now she's broke because she put all her money into her crappy album - she's just a media whore.

The Hosta Chronicles said...

Amen! My thoughts exactly.

Table4Five said...

omg, I said that exact same thing on Facebook, "Heidi Montag had TEN plastic surgery procedures in one day?!? Including a mini brow lift, botox, and liposuction?? She's freaking TWENTY THREE years old. She's going to end up looking like that Catwoman lady, I just know it." Great minds, thinking alike :)

If you haven't already, you have to read this article on Huffington Post that has the BEST HEADLINE EVER: "Heidi Montag Tries To Move Her Face, Can't" - bwahahaha!

Erica Ortiz said...

Not to mention she looked better before ANY plastic surgery, and now looks... well, like a tranny.

steenky bee said...

I too, was super-dooper excited that Speidi was out of the stream of public consciousness. I thought maybe they had finally given it up. BUT, I love reading blindgossip.com and there was a mention about a reality star who was a D list celebrity at best, but had A name recognition that had major work done and was soon to be revealing it. This was back before Christmas. I thought to myself FUUUUUUCK no. Don't let it be true.

Alison said...

I too think she looked better before all of the surgeries. Just a naturally pretty girl. Stupid as all get out, but pretty. I don't understand how she can think she wasn't pretty enough???

cryitout! said...

This was awesome, and I admit to be the person who thought, who the hell is hiedi montague?

Issas Crazy World said...

Here's my question, who the fuck is she and why do we know her at all? I mean, yes, I know her name and her moronic husbands name, but besides that, i truly have no idea who they are.

Plastic surgery doesn't buy talent is like the greatest line ever. I think you should sell that one to someone big. Honest. Maybe we should make it into t-shirts?

Patois said...

Amen to you and everyone else! (Except that GPS blocker weirdo.) I can't believe someone would undergo all that. Well, I can believe it. I just don't know anyone like that. (Thank God!)

jennster said...

dear spammers
eat shit and die.

carrie said...

I think I love you.

This was awesome - I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw her pic on the cover of People and thought, "WTF????"