Monday, November 30, 2009

traditions

like most families.. i like to bake. and the holiday's are when i go a little bat shit bake crazy. weekend i baked snickerdoodles, and peanut butter balls and i made the sugar cookie dough so that blake and i could make them when he came home. i figured i'd make whatever else later.

i remember growing up with my mom and baking all day long. my job was to roll the snickerdoodles in the cinnamon and sugar.. and not eat them *ahem.* i got to roll and cut out the sugar cookies. eating half the frosting and frosting the cookies with the rest. eating chocolate chip cookie dough. it was a mess, but it was fun. and it completely makes me think of christmas. so now that's what i try to do in my house. cookies with mom. cookies with blake. it's what we do.

but this weekend... the boys came home from camping and promptly started to feed themselves. they got out the leftover turkey.. and the popped what they thought was mashed taters into the microwave. about this time, i opened the refrigerator door and searched high and low for the sugar cookie dough. then i looked in the microwave. and in a huge blob of warm mess, sat the cookie dough....

i stopped the microwave and then started cracking up. and then laughed harder at the thought of blake scooping the dough out on his plate.. loading it up with butter.. and then wondering why it tasted so sweet?!?!

the mashed taters were still in the fridge. you know, cold.

the dough was/is ruined.

but that's okay. i'll just make more.

what are your holiday traditions?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

healing 4 anissa!

i know it's late notice, but i thought that if we don't get the word out quick enough.. well, this could just be the first session....i mean, if we need others (i'll schedule them better).

i mentioned on anissa's facebook page about wanting to schedule a set time and day so that we could all focus our healing and loving energies on her at the same time. i know how many lives she touched and just the thought of us all concentrating ON her at once.. overwhelms me just to think about!

well people are all for it and they don't want to wait....

and i think they're right.

our 1st healing 4 anissa:

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26 (thanksgiving day in the us)
6pm PST/9pm EST


(i tried to pick times that would work for both coasts.. people on the west coast, stuff your faces earlier than 6pm thanks. ha ha!)

i suggest that each person look at a picture of anissa while doing this if possible. you can look at her facebook profile picture (which is what i'll be doing).. or her twitter profile picture. i think if we collectively look at similiar images, all while focusing love and healing thoughts on her.. well, WHO KNOWS! miracles could happen!

i'm really excited, and i hope you are too!

please spread the word on twitter.. i've started the hashtag #heal4anissa .. i'll be on twitter before we start the healing and during.. @jennster

thanks everyone for WANTING to do this.. and for participating.
it couldn't hurt right?

we love you anissa!!!


wondering who anissa is? come out from under your rock and read this post.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

jacob. you know the one.

don't sit here and be like "jacob who?" cause i'll call your bullshit. even if you don't read twilight or see the movies, you fucking know who jacob is.

we're on the same page now?

good.

you all know that he had to gain 30 pounds of pure muscle to keep his role for the 2nd movie, right? of course you know this. every woman in existance knows this.
it's possible that when jacob ripped his shirt off in new moon, that i might have yelled "TAKE IT ALL OFF" in a theatre full of screaming girls, in between my laughter.

and well. that leads me the grocery store this past weekend.... when boyfriend came with me. and jacob was on the cover of some abs for gods magazine or something. and obviously i made some sort of comment. or some sort of face. or possible drooled.

to which boyfriend reminded me how fucking hypocritical it is of me to be all COUGARTOWN on this kid.. and talking about how he gained 30 pounds of muscle ALL RIGHT HERE *pointing to chest area* and how much i'd flip out if he liked some underaged whore with 30 pounds of fat ALL RIGHT HERE *pointing to chest area*

he's totally right.

but i think i spent the next hour trying to convince him that i am so not the only one who's talking like this! and i'm so not the only grown up who is talking like this. and it's not like i really want the kid. because really, he is a kid... but he's fun to look at. and still, he thinks i'm crazy. or a cougar. or a slut.

so i need your help dammit! TELL HIM! tell him now! tell him that jacob makes you want to do bad things to him. tell him that it's uncontrollable and you can't help yourself.. it's the wolf powers. jacob made you do it.


even if you're lying.. do it for me.


Monday, November 23, 2009

it's all downhill from here

last week was crazy for me. i was home late everynight and i saw the midnight screening of new moon (omg, i almost typed full moon. ha) on thursday night.. then i was in LA friday for work and spent the rest of the weekend there (cause really, why the hell would i leave?).

i came home yesterday and while lounging in bed talking.. boyfriend said to me, "you know what i just realized?......


you talk..


a lot."

we've been together for SIX years and he's just now realizing that i talk a lot??

either it takes him this long to get annoyed with my personality traits, or um.. he's not very perceptive.

Friday, November 20, 2009

did i like new moon?

that's the question i'm still trying to figure out.... the morning after seeing the movie. granted, i am freaking tired as hell, but still..

i don't know how to answer the question, and trust me when i tell you that EVERYONE IS ASKING ME!!!!

i can tell you this- i definitely was not as pissed off and horrified at its terribleness like i was when i walked out of twilight last year. that movie was a colossal disappointment on so many levels.

so i didn't hate new moon, that much is true.

but i didn't love it either.

and as any fan of the books will tell you... you really WANT to love the movies. you are willing to cut it so much slack- but there's only so much rope you can give this movie before it hangs itself.

i'm really stuck on what the problem essentially is. is it the writer of the script? or is she bound by so many rules, and so many other people that she couldn't create something worthy? or does she just kind of suck at telling stories? i honestly don't know.

what twilight and new moon were both missing..... were developed stories. i still don't understand how anyone who didn't read these books could enjoy these movies. there are so many holes.. so many half explanations.. so many UGH... i don't know. it's just that the story isn't developed. it isn't well written. WRITE A GOOD STORY. just write it well.

and then bring it life onscreen.

i don't think that's asking too much.

and the acting. good lord, i love love love jacob, but really? the acting is painful at times... or maybe it's the lines he is trying to bring to life and they are just so horrible that no one could make them sound decent.. or maybe it's the directing.. or maybe it's just all of it. and alice. i love the look and everything about her style. but her acting.. her delivery... it's terrible.

this book was painful when i read it. emotionally painful. the parts where bella and edward are together are a deeply intense love story. a soulful, more than soulmates kind of intensity. that completely does not come through onscreen. and the fact that SO much of the dialogue from the movie was directly from the book, doesn't help either. listen, it's one thing to read words on paper and imagine them in your head and they sound amazing. they totally work. but it's another thing to bring those words to life onscreen and have an actor read them (trust me on this one, it's my job). and when it doesn't work... doesn't sound natural.. isn't believable.. YOU CHANGE THE DIALOGUE. it can still say the same thing.. still have the same meaning.. but you say it differently. you change the wording. YOU MAKE IT WORK.

and it just doesn't. you can't take the books word for word and expect them to work onscreen. you have to adjust things. you have to change dialogue. you have to make things real. and this movie is lacking that in every aspect when it comes to the emotions... and what needs to be portrayed.

and really people.. would it be that fucking hard to have bella smile ONE FUCKING TIME in this entire movie??? that's why people hate her.. or feel like they can't relate to her. who is that miserable all.the.time???

oh yeah... and edward actually physically appearing??? so not necessary. i think it would have been 100 times more effective had she simply heard him and not seen him. cause then when we DO finally see him again- it would have been a million times more exciting and rewarding.

i know it sounds like i hated the movie, but i really didn't. i just wanted better... again. i wanted the story to develop properly and make sense and flow and not feel forced. but it doesn't... and it does feel forced... and nothing feels natural (except bella's constant miserable state of non smiling being).

i hate it when this happens.

and i'm sure it will happen again in june of 2010.. cause apparently that's when these crackheads at summit think eclipse will be ready for theatres. ARE YOU CRAZY??




Thursday, November 19, 2009

because i love her

because WE love her.

i'm not on twitter or facebook often enough to keep up with what the hell is going on in everyone's life on a minute to minute basis. so that explains why when anissa had a freaking stroke tuesday, i had no fucking clue. and why had i not gotten a text from becky, i probably still wouldn't know. ok i'm being way melodramatic... i'm sure i'd know by now.

i was so saddened by the news. i just kept thinking about how much i genuinely LIKE her. how fucking funny she is. how much i love our twitters to eachother (stupid kittehs). and how excited i was to finally meet her at blogher '10. and then i immediately thought of izzy. for some reason, i associate the 2 of them together. i think it's because i found anissa through iz. and they always seem to be together. and i adore izzy, so i could only imagine how she was feeling right now.

i've pretty much been glued to twitter ever since. glued to her caring bridge page. hitting refresh over and over again just hoping for MORE!! POSITIVE!! UPDATES!! and i don't kid myself into thinking i'm the only one.

i just want her to be ok.

there is a paypal site set up for family donations. anissa has 3 amazing children- her cancer surviving, kindergarten daughter, awesome 3rd grade daugher, and kick ass 6th grade son. not to mention a wonderful and caring husband. i can't imagine what it's like for them without her right now. i'm sure they need all the help they can get. please consider a donation, or a care package. i know times are tough right now, and i would never ask someone who didn't have it, to donate. but if you do have it. if you can help, please do so. and thank you.



Cards & packages can be sent to:
860 Johnson Ferry Road 140-184
Atlanta, GA 30342


we all love you anissa. we're pulling for you. we're fighting with you. and we'll be here for you every step of the way. don't you give up on us. we're never giving up on you.

we need you.

posts about anissa:




Wednesday, November 18, 2009

i'm trying to read new moon again

before the movie comes out and i see it at MIDNIGHT ON THURSDAY! **insert girly squeels here**

but the thing is?

it's REALLY pissing me off.

making these books into a movie has really fucked with my head. i have no idea WHO edward and bella were in my mind when i read the books the first time... but they sure as shit were not kristen "i hate my life. why is being a celebrity SO hard!!! i never smile because i'm not happy. what the hell do i have to be happy about?? would YOU be happy if you were me?" stewart, or robert "thank god for my teeth, cause even though they're all fucked up, they're about the only thing that's hot on me.. well them and my unwashed, unkept hair" pattinson.

but now.

nowwwwwwwwww
i am TRYING to read this book.


and i am trying to read it the same way i read it before there were casting decisions made and those people were put on the big screen.

and.i.can't.

all i keep seeing in my mind when i read the lines, or imagine the scene, are kristen and robert. i see THEIR edward. and THEIR bella.

and it's kind of ruining everything.

**disclaimer- the edward casting doesn't bother me nearly as much as the bella casting. i think it's because she seems so unlikeable as a person. and even though bella is a whiney and annoying character in the book, kristen really brings it to life by being the same way. so while it may be brilliant casting, it's also stupid because aren't you supposed to LIKE the main character and not wish death upon her in every scene? please don't get me started on her voice or the way in which she speaks. *shoves hot pokers in ears* and yes, i'll feel like a bitch when our paths inevitably cross (because that shit always happens to me) and then i'll write some post taking it all back and i'll understand why she is the way she is. and i'll like her a lot in person and i will have been wrong. and sometimes i'm really judgemental because it's easy to judge and talk shit about people you don't know, and think you'll never know.. or run into. but really, I SHOULD KNOW BETTER! because i do end up running into these people, or having mutual friends, or working with them, etc. but does it stop me? obviously not. fuck. kristen, i'm sorry. let's be friends. end disclaimer**

Monday, November 16, 2009

maintaining privacy

some people think that it's a conflict of interest if you claim to want privacy, yet have profiles on sites like facebook and myspace. they think that you can't possibly want privacy when it comes to your life, if you choose to put yourself out there in that way.

but i completely disagree.

you wouldn't know it i'm sure... but there are some aspects of my life where i am viciously private. and while i do have lots of ways that you can get in touch with me online- i like to be in control of most of it.

for example-

i have a blog..

a personal website..

a message board/forum..

a twitter..

a flickr..

a myspace

and a facebook.

yep, i have them all.

and do i still want privacy when it comes to certain areas of my life? you're damn fucking right i do.

my blog is totally controlled by me. i choose what i want and don't want to write about on it. so if there is something i don't want to talk about in regards to my life... i don't. and no one is any the wiser (until i write things like "i really want to talk about this but i cannnnnnn't"). anything i choose to reveal, is by choice. it's silly to think we know every aspect of someone's life because we read their blog. how little do we really reveal in the grand scheme of things?

my personal website is also totally controlled by me. i design it and decide what i want to put on it. it's basically full of pictures and has kind of become almost pointless now with all the other sites out there... but i still can't stand the thought of letting it go. anything that is on my website, i am obviously okay with it being there.

my message board. my forum. my ster-munity. i've had this message board community for almost 9 years now. NINE YEARS!!! this board is a huge reason why i've never really gotten uber involved in myspace, facebook, or twitter. because i post daily in my forum- there seems little reason to post elsewhere. i post in there and talk about all sorts of things (way more than i do anywhere else online). but of course, like everywhere else, i choose to post what i do in there knowing it's in the open. but that's also the reason why there are private folders in the forum that only certain members can see. there are lots of things the people who post there wouldn't want just anyone to be able to access or read. so even on a public message board, there are still ways to have private conversations.

there is a reason my twitter updates are private. it's the same reason why my facebook is private. and my myspace (not that i ever go on there). yes i have profiles on social networking sites, but if you aren't my friend, you can't see my profile, or my pictures, or what i choose to write on them. and you can only see these things if i approve you. and i like having that kind of control.

and with flickr.. well i have the option to make certain pictures either private, or so only certain people can see them. and believe me when i tell you that i certainly utilize that feature.



so yeah.. i do want privacy when it comes to certain aspects of my life. and i don't think it's hypocritical to maintain all sorts of online profiles, and still expect that certain things remain private.



do you?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

cryptic blog posts

sometimes i have to be cryptic here.

i wish i didn't have to be.

i wish i could say everything i wanted too without worrying about the consequences... but that's not realistic.

at least not for me.

sometimes i want to start a new blog that no one would know about where i could spew venom and all my frustrations without the worry of "what if the person i'm writing about reads this?". but really, nothing about what i just said is positive at all- so maybe it's a good thing i don't have a space to do nothing but spew anger. it's not that i'm nice all the time here, it's just that, like i've said before, i'd like to be able to not candy coat shit. and i'd like to be able to talk about the things that are TRULY upsetting me. or frustrating me. or things that simply ARE NOT RIGHT.

but i feel like i can't. because doing things like that- writing about what is really going on in my life... will have consequences i'm not yet prepared to deal with. and it's almost not fair, because isn't that the whole point of having a blog to begin with? to be able to vent and talk and get out what you need too?

here's the thing....

i want to write about how i deserve more. how i don't deserve to be treated so poorly on a continous basis. how the things that i've been asked to put up with and the things that have been said to me, are simply.. not okay. i love myself and care about my soul & spiritual well being far more than anyone else ever will.
it's not that i'm prideful to the point of seeing things blindly.
it's not that my ego is so self important that nothing else matters.
it's just that i firmly believe in standing up for myself. especially when no one else will.
i know what is and isn't right for me.
and right now.... things aren't right. and they're not okay. and it's not okay with me anymore.... not that it ever was. the time to stand up for myself is drawing near..


but i can't write about all of that.

oh wait.

i just did.

oops.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

pictures!!!!!

no more bitching about the lack of pictures lately. it's not that i haven't been taking any... it's just that i haven't been uploading them! SO! some of these are old, but TOO BAD.

suck it.

i decorated the house for halloween! i had a cute boo sign, and a scary graveyard (not too scary). yes, our house has rocks and gravel shit out front. it's time for paver stones, but i haven't picked any out yet. i'm lazy. and broke. and plus i thought it suited the graveyard anyway!
boo!

then blake dressed up as a zombie. he was scary. and looked very happy. see?
happy

one day boyfriend and i went for a ride in his truck. that's me getting in. or something. i blame the blurry picture on the photographer.
terrible

we went to visit boyfriend's parents in bodega bay. and if you ever go there, you have to go to the crab shack thing. they have DELISH crab sandwiches!! and this guy lives in the front yard of someone's house. he makes me smile. it's possible that i might be tempted to steal him if he wasn't as big as i was.
fisher-person

then remember how i told you that we went to a baseball tournament?

he is all sorts of awesome. just like his mama.
up to bat

and i might have mentioned venturing into old town sac? and eating crab? and how i said that post would have been so much better with pictures? yeah. shut it.

i really liked these lanterns. and i loved the charm of old town. i kept waiting for someone on a horse to bust out of a saloon shooting his gun or something. but that never happened. they should really spice things up over there.
old town sac

the only thing that can explain the fact that i took pictures of pigeons for fucks sake is the fact that i had too much to drink. which means, i had ONE cocktail. cheapest.date.ever.
flying

but also probably the funnest.
crabshack

Monday, November 09, 2009

crazy dreams & old town sac

i had an insane dream last night where a freaking alligator was literally trying to kill me. but you better bet your ass that i grabbed that fucking thing by his snout and swung him around and threw him crazy far. then i ran like hell.

but what did that alligator full of vengeance do? he found me. and i was with 3 other girls running in a pitch black warehouse type place and i saw the shadow of the gator and i screamed to the girl that he was behind her but she didn't hear me.. or didn't something.. beacause he mauled her and killed her. and i was racked with guilt because the stupid thing was trying to kill me, but he must have thought she was me, and now this poor innocent girl was dead, when it was supposed to be me.

yes, in my dream, this alligator was personally trying to attack and kill me.

issues much?

this weekend we were in sac town for blake's baseball tournament. boyfriend and i went down to old sac, and i can't even remember the last time i was there. i wanted to take pictures of everything, but i was so fucking hungry, i couldn't think about doing anything else except stuffing my face with food. so we walked along the wood planks.. and i tried to break my ankle more than once. we passed what seemed like 50 candy stores that probably all sold the same things. it was still really really cute. i found it very charming and i realize that this story would be so much better with pictures, but i suck k? thanks for reminding me.

anyway, we found ourselves right on the river's edge waiting to be seated at joe's crab shack. that place was packed and played loud music and the waitresses danced to "come on ride the train.. you can ride it.. woot woot." it was weird. cute, but weird. especially since they just did the same little dance routine over and over again. bottom line, the song was too long. now they know. you're welcome. while we waited for our table, i might have asked the bartender if they had diet cranberry so i could have a vodka cran. she might have told me that that was the weirdest question she's ever been asked. i might have responded with "really? THAT was the weirdest question you've ever been asked??!?!" and then thought she doesn't get out much. or that she bartends in a place that really isn't a bar. because really? that question... while kind of annoying.. not really that weird. i bet so cal bars have diet cran. hahaha. i bet they don't.

the crab was good. but what kind of seafood place doesn't have any bread? i really wanted (needed) some bread (to soak up the vodka) because i was starving. not sure i'd go back there again. nothing was wrong with it, but nothing was too special about it either. i dunno. i might have been too freaking hungry to appreciate it properly. once the pot of crab sat in front of me, i honestly don't remember ever looking up again until it was time to go. oh, it's still light outside. who knew? i take my crab eating very seriously.

know what would be great with this story? pictures.

yeah, i know.

so how was your weekend?

Friday, November 06, 2009

do you see what i see?

great.. now i have that xmas song in my head..

now you probably do too. ha

listen, i need to ask you something. so if you're in a feedreader, do me a favor and click on over! i've redecorated for fall. so can you see the falling leaves in the post? are they fucking up your computer, or is all well?

just asking because while i love the falling leaves and think they are super fun... if they're messing with people's browsers or whatnot, then i'll take them off.

can't have an unfunctioning blog!!!! dur.

that's kind of all i have to say. i'm super interesting. hee

there is a bunch of stuff i'd like to tell you. but i can't. not that i can't. i just shouldn't at this point. too many people i wish weren't aware of this blog, are aware. they hinder how honest i can be. they definitely make me unable to write about certain things. i hate that. but hopefully soon i'll be able to be more open and spill the beans and talk all about it until it's probably all i talk about and you'll be praying for the day you come here and there isn't a fucking blog post about this one subject.

ha.

until then.. here's a picture of me driving my rental car in la from tuesday.
LOVE CONVERTIBLES!!!
LOVE HOT WEATHER!!!
LOVE TANGLED MESSY HAIR THAT MAKES ME CRY WHEN I TRY TO BRUSH IT!!!
(not really, that part is sad.)

1103091301.jpg

Thursday, November 05, 2009

and so it begins...

again.

new moon.

i am so freaking excited! i think it looks better than twilight, and we all know how craptastic i thought that one was. i.can't.wait. CAN'T WAIT! i'm going to read the book again before the movie so i can remember everything. i remember that i hauled ass through new moon because it hurt so bad. i couldn't take the pain of edward being gone, so i knew if i got to the end of the book, he'd be back eventually. i couldn't drag that shit out.. i couldn't take it. HA.

can we please just acknowledge the fact that even though in the books i am totally team edward, jacob is looking a-freaking-mazing in this movie. i might jump ship. do you think he has his shirt off the whole movie?? although i'd much rather be on team edwacob and let bella just die. i kind of hate her.

anyway. we're all abuzz here at work and we're so excited for the midnight screening and well... this is what happens i guess... when you're crazy?? or obsessed?? or um.. a girl??

Monday, November 02, 2009

apparently we're white trash

blake came home yesterday and he was pissed off. he had just gotten into a verbal argument with one of his friends. i think they tend to do this more and more the older they get.. i don't know, it just seems to happen a lot lately.

so he was telling us what happened and then he goes "he called me white trash. what is white trash? what does that even mean???" and i went through a gamet of emotions. all at once i was so sad for my little boy (who is so not little) because he was called a name he didn't understand. and then i was so happy that he had never heard that term before and wasn't familiar with such bullshit name calling. and then i was angry that his friend did know the term and felt the need to spew it onto my kid. and then i was mad some more wondering where the fuck the kid heard it from in the first place? do his parents walk around their house calling people those kinds of names? or did someone at school say it to him? i have no idea where he heard it, all i know is that now he called my kid it.

blake's little face was so sad. he was so confused and angry, but he was hurt at being called that name. and he just didn't understand it. any of it. he told me that once his friend called him that, he responded with, "yeah, whatever that even means. you are too." i had to stop myself from cracking up. i could just imagine his face trying to figure out just what the hell he was just called, and was it supposed to be a bad thing?

but today i'm still a little pissed. i mean, are we teaching and allowing our kids to talk to eachother this way? it's not that far off from calling people racist names. granted, i don't think white trash is the equivalent of some of the other horrifying words people choose to call people of other races. but still. it's offensive. it's meant to be offensive. it's meant to be hurtful. it's not said to be nice. and i'm just pissed off about it. pissed off that at that kids age (10 years old), that's how he talks. and that's how he's talking to my kid. and i don't want my kid to be around assholes who talk this way. and i know i can't control it or stop how other kids speak to my kid, but it still sucks.

i like the fact that blake had no idea what that meant. that he had never heard that term before. i liked that. you know?