Monday, August 31, 2009

why i love coach

i love coach purses. i do. in a world full of fancy schmancy purses, coach is the only brand that appeals to me. i think most of the super expensive purses are ugly. hell, i think half of coach purses are ugly too.

anyway, i convinced myself that it was perfectly okay to buy a 200 dollar purse since it was guaranteed for life. FOR LIFE!!! if anything happens to it, you send it back and they fix it! purses for life- you'll never need another purse again.. genuis! perfect! i can spend ridiculous amounts of money on a purse because i'll never have to buy another one again!!!

i'm a sucker. or stupid.

because i honestly thought that having 1 in black and 1 in brown would suffice me for the rest of my existance. i mean really. am i that idiotic? apparently. i live near a coach outlet which is the first problem. the second problem is that i actually go there. often. but that's one of my rules- i refuse to buy a coach purse at a retail store. outlet only and even then.. sparingly. *coughs*

okay so boyfriend has told me that he would never ever ever ever ever buy me a coach purse. did i mention ever? he caved a christmas (or two ago) and said he would buy me one that would fit my camera in it. i was so excited! we went to the outlet together and i got a new black purse that fit everything! i was so happy (insert squeels of joy here).

and then my purse broke. (insert tears here)

and i thought that it was guaranteed for life, so YAY! no problem.. they'll fix it! hooray for coach!

but they couldn't fix it.

but they sent me a letter for the value of my purse, which was almost $300 dollars (which was nowhere near what we paid for it). so i could either take that letter and shop at any coach store, shop online, or i could let them know that i wanted my broken, unfixable purse back.

we went shopping yesterday!!! i got TWO new coach purses for the value of my one (well i did pay a little more to get them both). i got a new black one and another brown one. yeah, i know- i thought i wouldn't need another purse ever again.

anyway, i think it worked out well. almost too well for me.

don't tell coach k? cause i can totally imagine them being like "jennster, you have to take your purses back and just get one much cheaper purse because do you think we're stupid? you can't get 2 purses for the price of your 1 purse.. we'll go out of business." or they'll just come to my house and steal all my coach purses.

ha, i said "all" cause i have lots now. it's a sickness.

coaches

Sunday, August 30, 2009

how i almost died at taco bell last night

did you know that when you tow a boat behind your truck taco bell will open their doors for you late at night and give you free food & drinks because your truck and the boat won't maneveur through their drive thru??? but they'll do this only after the person you're with BEATS and POUNDS on their door like a fucking crazy person. taco bell workers live dangerously people.

when they open the closed lobby doors for you to come inside, you'll suddenly hear car doors shut behind you. you'll turn around and see 2 scary looking guys practically running at you.

you'll want to scream, but you you won't.

you'll just make sure the store doors close AND lock behind you so they can't come in. then you'll run to the counter only to suddenly hear the men's voices coming from right behind you. you'll turn and look and you'll see that the 2 scary guys from outside are now inside with you. and you'll wonder how the fuck they got in... and your brain will start to think about where to hide when they pull the gun and rob the place (and shoot it up of course). you'll finally make out that the words they are saying are "HEY, THE LOBBY'S CLOSED YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! YOU NEED TO LEAVE!!".. and you realize they're talking to you. or about you. or at you. and they keep repeating it until the chick who let you in in the first place tells the scary fuckers that it's okay and they can go.

you'll find out that the scaries are the nighttime security guards that stake out the parking lot to make sure the place doesn't get robbed. you realize it would have been nice to know that before almost having a heart attack!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

sure, i'm bitter

i have to talk about this. and i have to because there are things i'm so freaking bitter about, that i have to get them out there, so i can get the fuck over them.

i've met heather a couple of times super briefly at blogher events. and you know, i thought i really liked her. i thought she was nice, sweet, funny and gorgeous in person. and i thought she liked me too. then there was that whole shitfest of a post from her husband talking about how we all should thank heather that we have the gift of being able to blog, etc. basically saying in his opinion, that she was the reason we bloggers have the opportunities that we do today. well i disagreed with that post. a lot of people did, but i actually wrote in his comments that i didn't agree. apparently he didn't like what i wrote or how i wrote it and he called me passive aggressive. although nothing about my post was passive.. or aggressive. i was simply stating my opinion and thoughts in as nice a way as possible. i wasn't trying to be a bitch or rude- i was just saying i thought he was wrong. i had no idea that either one of them would seriously get pissed about it.

moving on to the morning after that post and my comment.. i opened my inbox and saw an email from heather. it was very brief (we're talking like 3 sentences max), but the jist was that no wonder "so many people" had told her not to trust me. i was floored. and hurt. and confused. but the reality was, that i wasn't upset about what her "friends" had told her about me. i didn't care that people told her not to trust me. i was pretty confident that whoever said that to her couldn't claim to even know me on a real and personal level. i was more upset that she would send an email like that to me. send something that was purposefully meant to hurt me. what she wrote was meant to make me feel bad... and i didn't understand how someone in her position, who constantly talked about getting emails that made her feel bad, calling her names, saying rude and mean things- would do the exact same thing to someone else. and i was bitter that she would do something like that in an email.. privately.. where no one else could see it or know about it. and then carry on in her blog like she was always the victim, and never the one doing the victimizing.

i blogged about the email, but i never mentioned who wrote it because at the time i was completely mortified about getting it in the first place. i was still totally shocked and for some reason, embarassed. i felt like i got sucker punched and i was trying to breathe the wind back into my lungs. and also, i knew that people would respond 1 way in the comments if they had no clue who wrote it, but the second they found out it was heather, their responses would be completely different. they wouldn't be honest anymore, they would be something else. i've often wondered why we act certain ways online when we would never act that way in real life..

after a few days i wasn't shocked anymore. i was pissed.off. i was angry at being treated that way. i was angry that her email was meant to be mean and hurtful. and i was angry that she didn't respond to the email i sent her in response to hers. in my mind, she had probably gotten exactly what she wanted. she sent a mean email, riled me up, hurt my feelings, got me to respond back to her and then she just walked away from it- never to talk about with me again. i deserved more than that.

i haven't talked about this before in the way of naming names not because i haven't wanted to.... but because i was almost afraid too. i've been "warned" about the potential backlash.. heard nasty rumors about accounts being shut down.. etc. i think mostly i never wanted to talk about it because i wasn't sure what would happen AFTER i did. but the thing is, my feelings haven't gone away. my want to put it out in the open and just finally discuss it.. my need to put it out in the open.. it hasn't wavered. probably because i haven't dealt with it... i'm obviously not over it because when i hear about heather once again going on another talk show, representing all of us bloggers, i get so unbelievably annoyed. partly because i'm tired of it always being her to do these things, as if she's the only blogger who exists in the world. and partly because i'm still upset at her for treating me the way she did. it's almost like how can i possibly be happy for someone who was so rude to me?

i guess i wanted to blog about this because it still upsets me. it still bothers me. and i hate how i feel whenever heather's name is brought up. i instantly get bitter. and when i see the amount of people who blindly follow her and jump through their keyboards in her defense, i get so angry. and i realize that my reactions in regards to her are my issues and my problems. but i don't want to feel this way about her anymore. i want to simply not care. but at this point, i still do. but i don't want too.. i really just want to get over it. but i don't know how to do that...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

the worst part about blogging

is not being able to truly express yourself and write exactly how you feel about something.

what i mean is that i am very aware of who reads my blog. i am also very aware of who knows that my blog exists. lots of people in my life know that i blog. my employer knows it's here. (thank the goddess that most of my co-workers don't give a shit enough to read it everyday. because as weird as it may sound, i'm not really into the idea of the people i work with reading about my life on a daily basis.) my family knows it's here and they read it. my friends. people i meet on airplane flights. strangers.

the thing is- i've kind of always assumed that whoever i'm writing about, or whatever i'm writing about- can always get back to that person.

so with that in mind, am i as candid and honest as i'd be if i thought NO ONE was reading? absolutely not.

if i thought no one would ever see what i wrote, i'd write a shitstorm. i wouldn't think about how i worded things... i wouldn't think about how someone else who wasn't me could interpret what i wrote.. i'd write the way i felt without the need to candy coat it for anyone else's feelings- because it wouldn't be for anyone else to see. i wouldn't do it to be hurtful or mean, it's just that i wouldn't have to over explain my own thoughts and feelings- because i would know what i meant and HOW i meant it.


but since i do know that people see this.. read it.. i definitely watch how i word things. i am super aware of how i say stuff. sometimes i feel like i explain things too much... and it annoys me. because there are times i just want to write what i feel in the way i'm feeling it. but i can't do that because then i'll get some crying phone call, or some bullshit email, or some passive aggressive behavior in real life. who knows, i'd probably deserve it if i wrote things the way i really wanted to sometimes.

anyway.. have any of you had any real life blowouts from something you wrote on your blog?
also, do you write exactly how you would if you thought no one would see it?

Monday, August 24, 2009

washington!

we just got back from our weekend in washington. it was really nice and fun. and tiring. i'm freaking exhausted. went to pike's market and saw them THROW FISH! that was awesome. blake loved it! i was just happy they caught it. fish guts probably wouldn't be pretty.
he caught it

and we saw all sorts of peppers on display. washington people, do you put these up in your house or what? do you buy something like this and then randomly take out peppers to cook with each time you need one until your display is all lopsided and looks terrible? i'm sort of confused with the whole concept of pepper art.
peppers- another set

but i'm not confused with the amazing produce that is grown.. holy crow- delish!!! and so freaking colorful and bright!
berries

we rode a gold pig. we are amazing.
IMG_1913

we went up in the space needle, which was cool, but also a lot like being up in the empire state building. the elevator ride up is pretty nutty though- it's glass so you can see yourself going up up up up and up. eeeeek
view 1

we went to the locks, which was by far my most favorite thing to do. the fish ladder that was there was the neatest thing ever. watching salmon and other fish swim upstream was the shit! i don't know why i loved it so much, i just thought it was really cool. i took lots of pics of the fish trying to swim upstream, but all i got were splashes and water.. no fish.
those boats have to wait to come in until the other boats get out

blake tried his first oyster. and then he tried about 5 more. he spit every one of them out until he figured out just exactly what part of it he liked, and what he didn't. it was entertaining.
oyster

the boys went out in the family yacht. this thing cracked me up. and i also prayed the whole time that they wouldn't die.
washington 220

they didn't. so i shopped in this cute little coastal town that i sort of fell in love with and i took pictures of things.. cause i like to take pictures of things.
waterlogged

la conner pier

tractor

field of flowers

we went to buy some seafood fresh from this amazing little shop right on the water (apparently dirty jobs did a show there! hi mike rowe!!!) and of course, i went and laid on the train tracks and took some pics. **no jennster was actually harmed in the taking of these pictures**
train tracks by tyler's in washington

we ate amazing food. we saw incredible things. we had great quality family time. and we stole the neighbors dog. it was a great trip.
washington 207

daisy with stick

Thursday, August 20, 2009

introspective

i've been really introspective lately. i'm not sure i'll even write fully about my thoughts at this point. probably because they aren't complete. my thoughts are definitely a work in progress. but i've been thinking about the way i live my life. and i've been seeing how things are very self imposed. what i mean is that i have things in my life that i think makes it more difficult to relax and just enjoy living. things that i've chosen to have in my life at this point, that have forced me to have to live a certain way... do certain things.. give most of my personal time to a job when the person that needs it at most, ends up being the one who sees me the least.

i know a lot of us do that, but the thing is... we don't have too. we choose too.

buying a house that was "affordable" by california standards, but still has an unbelievable monthly mortgage puts pressure on me and boyfriend that i can't even begin to express. we didn't have to do that, but we chose too. has it made our life any better to have this house? has our quality of life gone up from home ownership? in all honesty, i don't think so. all it's done is take the majority of my money and make me feel trapped and pressured on a daily basis. putting ourselves in a situation where we are "required" to bring home a certain amount of money each month just to pay for where we live has affected everything else in our lives.

and it's weird because sometimes i'm torn.

i seem to be fully aware that we have brought this upon ourselves. and so when i think about accepting change into our lives- to achieve more balance- home ownership (at least in this state for the most part) seems to be the first thing that needs to go... unless we want to continue this vicious cycle. and trust me when i say that, it is vicious. i don't know. i'm just thinking about lots of things lately.. unsure about some of them.. questioning others..

like i said, it's a work in progress..

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

appreciation

i've mentioned before how deeply i tend to feel certain things. how sometimes i feel with such passion and such emotion, it literally hurts me inside to take each breath. with this emotion.. with these feelings.. comes appreciation. i have often wondered if i'm the weird one.. i mean, i will remember people i met for 2 hours on a random vacation for the rest of my life. certain songs will bring me back to certain people in an instant. people i haven't talked to in years. people i met in hawaii, or savannah... or charleston.. and never talked to again. i think of and remember these people often. am i the only one? do they ever think of me? i always tend to think that they don't... that i'm the only one who remembers and appreciates the moments shared with strangers.

years ago, i mailed out letters to certain people in my life to let them know how important they were to me. most of them weren't necessarily in my life anymore the way they used to be, but i still wanted them to know that the role they played in my life mattered. i guess i like people to know that i appreciate them. it matters to me. so i'm going to start a series of appreciating people in my life. i realize that you don't know most of these people and so this series might be boring to you.. but it's my fucking blog and i'll do what i want. plus, i think it's important. people need to know that they touch you. that you love them. that their presence in your life matters. or at least that's what i tell myself.

so for my first appreciation blog... i bring you the bomber babes. these ladies are other mom's on blake's travel baseball team. i don't know what i'd do without them. they make everything better. they're all freaking gorgeous! they're all incredibly smart. and they're all amazing, loving and caring moms.. but they're also so much more.

kerry- if only you could see yourself the way every other person sees you. everything about you glows. your skin, your eyes, your hair... you. you are stunning in every way imaginable. your goodness and kindness radiates from within. you're so compassionate and kind. you don't have a lot to give in the way of monetary means, but you give in every other way possible. i feel honored to not only you, but to be your friend. i enjoy being around you, learning from you, sharing with you and inspiring you to embrace your inner hotness and work it. you're so much more than you give yourself credit for, but everything about you is truly a joy. i adore you. you're so much better of a person than i will ever be in this life.

brenda- you are one of the craziest people i've ever met.... but in the good way. i love being around you because you're always fun, happy, smiley, and drunk. HA! okay, you're not always drunk, but i know who to call if/when i want to party!!! everyone needs a friend like you. it's just fun being with you. total partner in crime and every girl needs one. i'm glad mine is you. i hate it when you're not at the tournaments cause in all honesty.... they just aren't as fun. i love spending time with you- hanging out, gossiping, talking, sharing, all of it. thank you for tolerating my ghetto ass. and thanks for being you. i love you just the way you are and i think you're awesome. wouldn't change a thing.

susan- you.are.the.best. i'm not quite what it is about you exactly, but whenever i'm around you, i feel like i'm with family. i'm not sure if you do that to everyone- like if it's just the way you are and if everyone feels that way around you, or if i'm just one of the lucky ones (aka psycho). you're such a good and giving person. you come across as so carefree and so willing to do anything for those you care about. you really seem like you enjoy life and you seem to get the most pleasure out of sharing it with others. it's a rare quality to see someone so internally at peace. that's how you radiate. i love your honesty and your willingness to express it so freely. i know that i can talk to you about anything and you will cut through the bullshit and give it to me real. your confidence and gorgeousness seems to know no bounds. i simply love being around you. thank you for sharing who you are with me.

wendy- you are one of the most beautiful people i know. not only on the outside (cause good lord are you freaking stunning).. but on the inside as well. you have 3 of the hottest kids known to man and i swear we have the jonas brothers of baseball on our hands here. i love how determined you are to make everything you touch a success. you're fun and caring and fun to be around. you're always smiling and you seem to make the best out of every situation. if life's ever got you down, you wouldn't know it. i love the way you believe in yourself and how you want everyone else to believe in you too. i truly do think you could sell ice to eskimoe's if you wanted too. hell, you could probably sell matches to satan. you're an incredibly determined woman and it's hard not to admire that.

teri- i freaking love you. i truly enjoy spending time with you. conversation about EVERYTHING with you comes so easily and naturally. you're so fun, witty and smart. you're super creative and freaking resourceful! you have so many ideas, but they don't stay ideas for long.. you seem to make all of your "ideas" reality. not many people actually do that. lots of people talk about what they want to do, but you.. you actually make them happen. it's inspiring. the risks you take and the things you do- you don't let trivial things hold you back. you go for it. i really do love that about you. it makes you this really cool person in my eyes. lol you're a wonderful person who appreciates and lives in the moment. i love every one of those moments you share with me. thank you.

bomber moms edited


hot moms

Friday, August 14, 2009

kittens- it's what's for dinner

while everyone is caught up in the drama that has become the blog with integrity badge /pledge.. we (and by we, i mean people who love freedom and all it stands for) bring you something new to believe in-
if you believe and wear no other badge on your blog for all of eternity, this is the badge that will make or break you. this is the badge that will send you to blogher with a lifetime of free passes. this badge will make canon and nikon take notice and not only send you thousands of dollars worth of free camera's and lenses.... it's what made them stop hating babies and start hating something new! this badge people.. THIS MOVEMENT.. it's saving the world.

i present you:
EAT KITTENS FRIDAY!!!!!
eatkittens
even the kitten is happy! it's wearing a party hat. it wouldn't be wearing a party hat if it was sad, dur.

this twitter movement is taking over the blogosphere! it seems that everyone can see the importance of eating kittens! anissa knows. hell, she practically started this whole movement (and created the badge above). but don't get mad at her people.. don't get mad at anyone. it's what needs to be done. kittens are happy they are a part of keeping america safe. they want to be part of the solution. they understand that if you aren't with us, you're most likely a terrorist and hate everything we stand for and believe in. eating kittens is about believing in our country and our countrymen. eating kittens cures incurable diseases. it makes normally mean people happy. it makes you more likeable! your blog more popular! eating kittens isn't just a movement, it's a statement! that you believe... in what's right!

ready nazi

listen, if kittens weren't made to be eaten, would they taste like chicken? no. but they do. and would they go so well with virtually anything? no. but they do. it's like they were made to be on our kitchen tables! kitten kabobs.. kittens and beer.. kit'n caboodle.. chocolate covered kittens.. kitten chow mein.. kittens on a stick.. sweet & sour kittehs.. honey dipped kittens.. the possibilities are endless! (recipe book coming soon)

i know some of you are freaking out and you probably think we're monsters and your kids are probably crying, but really- if we were monsters, we would eat the kittehs everday! but we don't! we only eat them on fridays! we're socially conscious about our kitten eating movement. we realize this is a new concept to some people, so we're giving you time to stop being a nazi and get on board america's kitteh train. it's not like we're telling you to eat your own kitten... go eat your neighbors!

join us in eating kittens friday! put your twitter name in the comments section of this post!!

eating kittens.. it's just the right thing to do. nom nom nom.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

(not so) funny people

we went and saw funny people last night. now i knew the movie was going to be more serious than funny, and i honestly wasn't in the mood to go watch it. i didn't want to cry (i didn't)... and i was kind of wanting something a little more light hearted. but the guys wanted to see it, so before i had even been in the house for 5 minutes after getting off of work, we were out the door. being rushed like that apparently doesn't put me in the best of moods. i.was.a.bitch.

seeing this movie made me even bitchier.

i'm not entirely sure what it was about this movie... but it put me in a worse mood. it wasn't horrible, don't get me wrong. it just wasn't uplifting or super happy either. the funniest part? the guys and i took completely different things away from the movie. where they saw the ex-girlfriend as someone who went completely crazy, i saw her as someone who was about to change her entire life for a man she thought truly loved her, and in doing that she was planning ahead. sure it might have sounded crazy and scary, but if it was real life, it would have been realistic. they didn't think it was depressing or sad... i thought it was both of those things. they seemed to appreciate it in a way that i didn't. maybe this movie appeals to men in a different way than it does to women? i don't know.. there was some very clever writing & i appreciated all of the entertainment/hollywood/being in the business stuff. and i definitely laughed out loud more than once. i just think it was too long... and the "point" of the movie wasn't really driven home. i simply didn't care enough about adam sandler's character.

maybe this is where i'm just a total fucking girl (or just me), because i pretty much can't get passed all the cheating elements in this movie. i keep hearing this line from the movie repeating itself inside my head, although i can't remember the exact quote. the jist was- "it's easy to say you wouldn't cheat when you don't have anyone wanting to fuck you." probably because i TOTALLY agree with it. it's one thing to say you'd "never" cheat, but how the fuck do you know? have you ever been in a situation where it's realistically come up and you've had the balls and the right mind to turn it down? to say no? have you been able to walk away from those moments that ruin/change your life forever? i mean.. none of us know what we would do, until we are in that situation. it's easy to say you'd never do something, when the temptation of that something isn't throwing itself at you at every turn. or hell, hasn't ever thrown itself at you. what would you do if the opportunity was there? and it truly tempted you? then what...

welcome to my mood today... isn't this fun?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

i miss blake.

it's so weird.. i miss blake and just generally enjoy his company the older he gets.

he's with his dad for a week and it kinda sucks. i just super miss him. he makes me laugh and he's so fun to be with. i am just sad when he isn't around. things aren't as fun without him. sure i can relax in a way i can't when i have him- i don't have to rush home from work to spend time with him- i get more time to just chill the f out.

but i dunno.. i guess i'd just rather have him around than not.

i kinda like him.

more and more all the time.

maybe i'm just weird.

me and blake

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

the book that rages

i haven't talked about the book yet. the book that i was so excited to get! the book that i was so happy to be a part of.. to get to read before you could buy it. i haven't talked about it because well.. frankly, i sort of suck. i haven't read the whole thing. life, work, the kid, the husband, baseball and stuffing my face with cupcakes & frozen yogurt.... well, it all gets in the way of doing important things, like reading a friends fucking book.

so here's my letter to danny.... the pioneer... ha

danny,

even though you went to the wrong high school in our hometown, i still like you. i am so proud of you for writing this book and i feel honored to be someone you actually acknowledge in this big bad world of bloggers. by acknowledge, i mean i'm like on your link page, not that you would actually talk to me in real life or wouldn't go running the opposite way if you saw me on the street. one night at about 11pm, i started reading your book. i had to turn the lights down because the brightness was annoying blake and he was trying to sleep. so in shitty lighting, sitting at my computer desk, i became enraptured in your novel. everytime you talked about where you (we) grew up, i would read each word like i was eating it for a meal. i laughed and was seriously in awe at some of the things you said about it. the things that you did on friday nights with your family and friends.... things i never even knew existed or were happening in our small city. we had such different experiences growing up there. but so far, in all honesty, those are my favorite parts. reading how you saw things about a city i don't think you really like... a city i can't stop loving. and i know that topic isn't what the book is even remotely about, but i can't help it. i think when you come from the same place, and someone actually writes about it, AND GETS IT PUBLISHED, you can't help yourself. i get excited anytime i see more memories from home coming up in your book. i truly am loving seeing your childhood through your eyes. i suck at this huh?

okay, well before i knew it, lots of time had passed and i was about halfway through the book. i couldn't.stop.reading.it. but my eyes were starting to fail me and fight with my brain that wanted more, but i haven't mastered reading with my eyes closed yet. i forced myself to go to sleep and convinced myself that i'd finish reading it the next day. but the next day came... and then it went. and i know that part of the problem is that the book is in my computer room- a room i don't even enter into on most days. and the other problem is that i know once i pick it back up, i won't be able to put it back down until it's finished. and i need to give myself the proper amount of time to be able to do that. and i need the time to be uninterrupted, you know? these are all kind of shitty excuses aren't they?

bottom line? i promise you that i will finish it soon. i'm sorry i didn't read it in a timely manner. i sort of feel like i failed you. like maybe you think that i don't support you, or i'm not proud of you, or something else that sucks. i just want you to know that i DO support you, believe in you and am so thrilled for you and wish you nothing but the utmost of success with this adventure portion of your life. i really am enjoying the book, albeit parts are truly painful to read. they hurt danny. they hurt to READ. i can't imagine what it felt like to LIVE. i can't wait to read more. and i promise i'll do it soon. i hope you forgive me.

xoxo
ster

Monday, August 10, 2009

crazy ass dreams

i had the craziest dream last night.

i used to keep a dream journal where i would write down every single bit of anything i could recall from my dream. even if i woke up at 2 in the morning, i would talk into my cell phone so that i could write the dream down later. i'm not sure why i did this, other than the fact that i really liked to see how my brain dreamed in correlation with what was going on in the world and more specifically, around me. and sometimes, it would freak me out the way i would dream about certain things.... and then similiar events would happen.

that's probably the real reason i started writing my dreams down. to see how much of what i dreamed "came true." it wasn't often. at all. which was kind of disappointing really cause i guess i totally wanted to be like the chick on the show medium... minus all of the scary killing and stuff.

anyway, my dream last night.. was all sorts of crazy. there was a secret combat training facility set up in a suburban neighborhood. i wasn't even in this dream, i was just witnessing all of these events. i was following these 2 guys during their traning and how they tried to blend in with their neighbors and make friends with families. one family had these 2 teenage daughters and the next thing i remember, there is some crazy stuff going on in the training facility. one of the guys ended up being good and trying to save the 2 girls, while the other guy was bad and was (obviously) trying to kill the girls.. the girls got shot, but the good guy was carrying them both out. that's all i remember of that dream.

but there was another. oh yes.

i was with some friends in this huge building. we were taking the stairs to get to this private room at the top of the plaza. when we got there, these men were holding a book with all sorts of notes written in it and a bunch of like tabs marking pages. they asked my friend if she'd ever seen the book before. she said no, but apparently it was her husbands. we took off running. the next thing i remember, a bomb went off. and i stepped onto an area where i could see the section of the building we were just in, and the whole thing was gone. i can see it perfectly in my head right now. charred steel.. smoking block.. devastation. and then this guy i know said to me "did i tell you how it was going to all end?" and i was like "no..." and he said "remember when i told you about the sky opening up that one time? well when it opened up before, i saw her face in the whole sky. welcome to the end." and i walked away.

and woke up.

Friday, August 07, 2009

blake's heart.

i kind of have this fear that blake will be more sensitive than i am. and when i say sensitive, i mean it in the way of how we both "feel" things. i tend to feel some things on an insanely intense level. sometimes i think i won't be able to get through another moment because it's so powerful.. painful. it hurts how deeply i feel things sometimes.

and i don't want that kind of intensity for blake. don't get me wrong, i'm glad he's sensitive and caring and completely aware of how his actions make those around him feel (or at least i think he's aware of those things)... but i wouldn't want this level of uncontrollable sensitivity for him.

last night i told him to go into my room and pick out a cd to listen too. when he didn't come out, i walked in there and he was staring at the pictures i have of my grandma just bawling. he started talking about how much he misses her and just wants to see her again.

i finally got him to go lie in his bed while i talked to him about how he was feeling. but when blake gets like this, he's almost inconsolable. he leaped out of bed and started asking me for pictures of him and great grandma. could i look for them.. could i look for them RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. he grabbed the surfer type necklace he bought earlier that day and said he wanted to find a "special place" for it.. that it would be for grandma.
before you know it, he had created this on top of his dresser:
great grandma's sign
(i don't want to hear how corner is spelled wrong, thanks)
great grandma's corner of things
blake said, "grandma loved the ocean, so i put shells for her. she loved to teach, so i put a flute so she could teach music.."

and he got into his bed and cried. and said things like "i am SO so proud that she was my great grandma. do you think she knows that? how proud i was of her?"

and while i sat there trying to console him... i also sat there in amazement at the way he thinks. the things he said. there are too many to type and share, but it's just that he has such a big heart. and he is so thoughtful and caring. he talked about her being an angel and then quickly changed his mind and said "she's not an angel mom.. she's so much more than that." he spoke of how lucky great grandpa was to have her. and that she didn't deserve to not be here anymore. i talked about how amazing her life was and how she got to do and see so many things and experience so much more than most people. he didn't care about that. he just wanted her there now- wanted to be able to hug her and tell her he loved her "one last time."

and then i realized how much trouble we're going to be in when he really starts to like girls. for real reasons instead of the pretend reasons why he likes them now. i think my son is going to fall HARD for every girl he likes. it's going to be a long road of broken hearts ahead. especially with the way this kid feels things. and the way he expresses his hurt. on one hand i'm worried.. but on the other hand i'm proud.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

what.. water shortage?

while everyone around us is ripping out their lawns and replacing them with rocks, boulders, cactus and plants... i'm ripping out my dead lawn and replacing it with.... well.... lawn.

so sue me.

i.like.grass.

when i think of curb appeal and houses that look pretty when i drive by them- they all have grass. i haven't seen one house that has nothing but river rock and heat loving plants that i've thought "wow, what a pretty house." every house that has appeal to me, has a lawn on it. kids can't play in the front yard IF THERE IS NO YARD!! can you even call it a yard, if there is no grass? hell, i even like fake grass better than no grass. and plus, it would be one thing if i was living in vegas or arizona where it's virtually impossible to keep grass alive- not to mention insanely expensive. i don't live in the desert.. i don't want to live in the desert.. and i certainly don't want the front of my house to look like we live in the desert.

i know, i know- i'm such a bitch.

and apparently i'm an insanely bad person too because what kind of environment loving girl puts sod into the front of her house when there is a water shortage going on?!??!?!!

me. that's who.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

apparently i'm quite approachable

this weekend at the grocery store, i hit a new low. or maybe it was a new high. whatever, i hit something all right.

i wasn't wearing my wedding rings because we were working on the lawn. by working i mean that i ocassionally walked outside to see how it was going and to make sure the guys were still alive. but i really thought that i might have to help, so i was in dirty ass jeans and ringless.

apparently ladies, this is how the boys like it.

from the minute i stepped into safeway, i was prey. some guy started following me from aisle to aisle. then he casually mentioned "oh, i keep running into you in every aisle." ya think? then he proceeded to ask me what i was doing friday night at 8:30. "NEXT friday? at 8:30? i don't fucking know, why?" i'm so classy. who doesn't want to ask me out? aislestalker proceeded to tell me that he wanted to take me out. at this point i look up at the 2 guys who were just trying to get me to come to their party not minutes prior in the beer aisle. they are cracking up. fuckers. i tell stalker that i'm married and he yells at me "BUT YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY RINGS!!!!" and i looked down at my naked hand and was like, "ahh, will you look at that. i'm not. they're at home. still married though."

i walked into the ice cream aisle. stalker was persistant.
"can you at least tell me where you live and let me know if your bathroom is on the first or second floor, that way i know if i need to bring a ladder or not."

i shit you not.
those exact words were spoken to me.

"dude, that's not at all fucking creepy.. ever wonder why you don't get dates?"

he laughed.
i didn't.

he kept talking about how now i'll always think he's outside my window and shit like that whenever i go in my bathroom.

couldn't get away from this guy fast enough.

then i walked past the party beer guys and hoped they had a nice show... thanked them for not saving me... and called them cocksuckers.

isn't it fun being me?