i have a few girlfriends up here who are older than i am. i only say that because i completely forget all the time that they are older than me. they're skinnier than i am. they're hotter than i am. and they're just as fucking awesome as i am. i always think that we're all the same age...
i love having conversations with these women because they are so insightful. and it's interesting to hear the things that they are going through. most of them got married when they were fairly young, and so now- as they're getting older, they feel like they wasted their lives away. well, no. that's not right and that's not what they said at all. sorry, i have to do them justice here.
let me try this again. they feel like they've spent so much of their lives making decisions for everyone else. doing things for everyone, but them. raising the kids. raising the husband. and they've all said that the older they've gotten, the less tolerable they've become. things they once didn't have a problem doing before, they simply don't want to do anymore. things that have been okay for years (because they allowed and supported it) aren't okay anymore.
suddenly, they're finding themselves wanting more. more freedom. more independence. just more FOR them. and apparently, once they've hit that point, there are no more conversations. it isn't a negotiation. it's not a compromise. she's done. she's over it. she wants different. you're either on board with the new her, or you're not. and in all honesty, you might not even have the option.
the man in their life is probably sitting there wondering what the fuck just happened, when in reality, he didn't do anything "wrong"... she just grew up and decided she was over all the bullshit. we could argue about this for days- talk about how since she allowed certain behaviors for so long, that it's her fault in a way. and how she can't expect him to change on a dime because she doesn't want to do the things she's been doing for years anymore. why should HE change? it's been okay for as long as he can remember, why isn't it okay anymore? so many people would say that the woman created this situation and the blame would be placed on her. she allowed certain behaviors. she gave in. now she wants change. but how inconsiderate of her to assume or expect the man in her life to change or adapt with her. right?
does anyone ever think that maybe it was never okay? maybe she felt obligated to do certain things. maybe she changed who she was in the to accomodate what she thought being a good wife meant? so she adapted in the first place. adapted to what he wanted her to be. then she got tired of adapting. tired of bending over backwards when no one did the same for her.
and one day... she snapped.
and you know, i totally understand it. when my girlfriends talk about how they're tired of certain things and that once they reached this certain age, they were just done.... i get it. listening to them vent their frustrations and trying to verbalize feelings they've never put into words before- i understand it all. i get what it is they want. what they're looking for. what they want to change. to me, it makes perfect sense how this all happened. it's logical. and i do think it didn't have to be that way. whatever my friends are looking for, i hope they find it... and i support them 100%.. all the while hoping that since i got married so much later in life, that this shit won't happen to me and i won't feel this way.....