Wednesday, August 26, 2009

the worst part about blogging

is not being able to truly express yourself and write exactly how you feel about something.

what i mean is that i am very aware of who reads my blog. i am also very aware of who knows that my blog exists. lots of people in my life know that i blog. my employer knows it's here. (thank the goddess that most of my co-workers don't give a shit enough to read it everyday. because as weird as it may sound, i'm not really into the idea of the people i work with reading about my life on a daily basis.) my family knows it's here and they read it. my friends. people i meet on airplane flights. strangers.

the thing is- i've kind of always assumed that whoever i'm writing about, or whatever i'm writing about- can always get back to that person.

so with that in mind, am i as candid and honest as i'd be if i thought NO ONE was reading? absolutely not.

if i thought no one would ever see what i wrote, i'd write a shitstorm. i wouldn't think about how i worded things... i wouldn't think about how someone else who wasn't me could interpret what i wrote.. i'd write the way i felt without the need to candy coat it for anyone else's feelings- because it wouldn't be for anyone else to see. i wouldn't do it to be hurtful or mean, it's just that i wouldn't have to over explain my own thoughts and feelings- because i would know what i meant and HOW i meant it.


but since i do know that people see this.. read it.. i definitely watch how i word things. i am super aware of how i say stuff. sometimes i feel like i explain things too much... and it annoys me. because there are times i just want to write what i feel in the way i'm feeling it. but i can't do that because then i'll get some crying phone call, or some bullshit email, or some passive aggressive behavior in real life. who knows, i'd probably deserve it if i wrote things the way i really wanted to sometimes.

anyway.. have any of you had any real life blowouts from something you wrote on your blog?
also, do you write exactly how you would if you thought no one would see it?

26 comments:

~Jennifer~ said...

I write exactly how I feel and don't censor. In the past I made the assumption that no one would find me on the internet and didn't use my last name or anyone's names, really. I was found out anyway. It never ended up being a huge deal, because I didn't really like or even know the person very well.

Since then I've used my whole name and my kids names. Everyone else I just use descriptive terms. If you google my name, you'll find my blog. I'm ok with that. I'm not saying anything I wouldn't say to anyone in a conversation anyway.

Of course, it's easy for me, since I'm a SAHM. I don't have to worry about my boss or coworkers finding out I'm calling them incompetent fucktards. Which I probably would. Which is why I don't work outside the home.

bablinn said...

I just did have, actually. But then, I rarely use names.

Kristabella said...

I censor. I think everyone censors. And if you don't, you probably should.

I got fired for my blog because I had just started blogging and figured NO ONE would find me and my very common name. Well, they did and it SUCKED!

You can't be anonymous on the internet. It will end up biting you in the ass. I'm like you - assume everything you write will be found by anyone at anytime. It's the power of the internet.

Lara said...

I lost my best friend in part because of my blog. That break-up was the worst break-up of my life - much worse than any romantic break-up. Totally ugly.

I found out recently that my department lead at the school where I teach reads my blog. I am now keenly aware that I am less anonymous than I thought...

mamabird said...

I do censor a little but I switched addresses so that I could have more freedom to write things without being judged. Once I posted a blog and a friend made a similar one the next day. Basically saying how stupid my point of view was. I reacted and she said that she wasn't doing it at all. Then it happened again and I started feeling COMPLETELY self conscious. There was no way that she wasn't personally attacking me. So, I switched addresses so that I could have less real life people reading me and once again have the safe harbour I needed to express myself.

Issas Crazy World said...

Um hi yes. *waves hand*

Hell man, I quit blogging because my aunt and step-mom found it last time. Sucked. Truly.

I censor things even now, just in case. In case fake names and no pictures is not enough. I would love to write about certain things, but I just don't. At this point, I figure it's worth it too me to censor a bit, to make sure I don't have to deal with a shit storm and give it up again.

Tara said...

Ok my first time to comment.

I truely know how you feel. My hubbys boss reads my blog, my inlaws read my blog, my family reads my blog, and anyone else that finds it on the web. I want to get a super private one where I can just go off on ppl without anyone knowing who the author is. That would make things a lot easier sometimes. But putting my blog to private would be a headache too. So, I dunno.

I definitely feel your pain!

Heather said...

I completely know what you mean. Look at it like a filter though, just like you sometimes filter when in conversation. If you filter. ;) It frustrates me too, but in the end having to check yourself is not always a bad thing. Except when you REALLY want to just scream FUCK OFF. I don't hide my identity though, if I did, I would feel as if I'm merely telling a story that I myself don't recognize. My blog was originally started for me to just write so I try to stick to that. I think, for what it's worth, you maintain a great balance!

Alison said...

You know what, Hooch? Just say what you need to say about me already. I can handle it. :)

Really, though, one reason I don't have my own blog (besides time) is that in my school district they discourage us from having one because of the reasons you pointed out. I have to be the proper public figure, you know. Boo.

NGS said...

I censor. I have a few folks from "real life" who read it and even that makes me nervous that I can't say what I really mean at times. I've tried to stay anonymous, but it hasn't really worked, although I don't think my work could find me. At least, I guess I really hope they don't find me.

Ericka said...

i don't censor as much as i should in real life, and no one who knows me knows about my blog. i spell my name oddly, so if you wanted to play detective, you could find me, i suppose. so i'm not actively hiding, but i don't tell people how to find me or even that i do blog.

if i'm ever discovered, it's probable that a shit storm of epic proportions will descend upon me. i'll deal with it if/when 'cause i've got like 3 readers and i'm just not worried about it.

of course, right now, i'm drunk.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I thought my blog was anonymous when I began writing. A few people found out who I was, and then a few more. Then the OC Register linked to my blog with an article siting my first and last name. (They apologized the next day, but it was too late!) And YES I've had it blow up in my face a few times. I try to be careful, I try to keep in mind who is reading. I wish I could write without having to think about it. Unfortunately, if you write on the internet you have to assume everyone in your life will find it.

texas math said...

i always worry about coworkers finding my blog...it makes me want to make my blog private...not that I ever write about work...but like you, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the idea of them reading my blog.

Mbdiamond said...

I have a mile-wide negative and nasty streak in me... that I always keep well contained. There are many VENTS that I would love to get out... especially interpersonal issues with "close" people once in a while - but I never do because I'm conscious of who knows about/reads my blog. I guess unless you're completely private, you have to censor.

brooke said...

i usually only sensor private or sexual things. the rest is pretty open. i sure hope my work mates don't find out!

Andie said...

I sensor a little bit- I wrote a post about this a while ago. I don't go tellling my family and friends all about my blog- I'm sure they know I have one, but have NO IDEA of where to find it, etc.

I know my boss knows that I have one, but he hasn't a clue of where to find it, etc.

I do censor a little bit, just for my own protection. :)

Alias Mother said...

I write anonymously and I censor anyway. I always operate under the assumption that anything I write could be found by anyone in my life and that assumption has treated me well. My rule is this: I never write anything about anyone else that I wouldn't want to see written about me. I don't think it holds me back. I don't necessarily think that censoring yourself is bad. I could write all sorts of vitriolic posts about my family and coworkers, but what good would it do? I've never found that stewing in my negativity for more than two minutes does any good at all, so why would I stew publicly, and permanently, in writing?

Sometimes I think blogland has confused "being honest" with "spewing out whatever you are feeling that second without reflection or consideration." I don't think that's a good thing.

I feel the need to clarify that I am not in any way indicting you or your blog. I'm just sharing the train of thought that this prompted.

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

I do censor. I have gotten in trouble for what I have written and you are damned if you, damned if you don't about the whole "mentioning names" business.

I blogged in general about how I hate endless emails from friends about their kids' fundraisers. One of those friends did not appreciate my post and it ruined our friendship. Even though I apologized, publicly (I apologized for not telling her I was writing the post, not for the actual content - I did stand by the actual content.)

This post is timely for me because I wrote a bitter post this morning where I was finally honest about crap happening in life and the blogosphere. Then, I felt awful having written it. I wish I could be more honest with myself.

Sigh.

Scientific Lutheran said...

My blog is largely anonymouse, but I do have a handful of RL friends who read it.

I had this issue just a couple of weeks ago. I had an incident with a friend, and I didn't address it directly. I blogged about it. She very occasionally reads my blog, but picked that day to read it. She then accused me of being passive agressive, and why couldn't I just say it to her directly? I didn't konw what to tell her. I use my blog as a place to let go of things, and I was writing it to let go of it.

So now, I censor a little bit more.

I have searched for my blog on yahoo and bing and google using my personal information, but I can't find a direct link to it. If someone wanted to read it, they'd have to do some serious digging to find my blog.

corrin said...

I hold some things back. I don't write about family drama (although I'd love to, my husband would not be happy and this is one of the few times I actually honor his wishes). I try not to complain about work. The first 10+ pages of Google results for my name are really truly me and it's fully of goofy photos and raunchy posts, and that's fine because I did it, I wrote it, I let it be photographed, but we're moving across country soon and job hunting is really starting to make me nervous.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to sound mean here, but I didn't find anything in your blog interesting. That's not to say you couldn't write something creative, it's just that you haven't. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel. I was an English major in university. I teach composition. When you say, for example, that you are a 'kickass chick', that's all well and good, but nonetheless you must prove to the reader why you are a kickass chick. Provide evidence. I think all of us have unique talents. The hard part is gripping the reader. I know you're not trying to win the Pulitzer, but I think you can do better. Perhaps you've done some volunteering, you helped someone in need. There are countless and myriad ways to write about it and make it upflifting and inspiring. That is far more interesting than a cat-fight you had with another blogger, which comes across as shallow, inane, and lacking depth.

jennster said...

anon.. not to be a bitch or anything but i dont have anything to prove to you. either you like my blog or you dont. read it or dont. i dont really give a fuck either way.

Anonymous said...

I see I must have upset you, and for that I apologize. I've been viewing people's blogs lately and what's struck me is how vacuous, daft, empty, fatuous, frivolous, meaningless, mindless, puerile, trifling, trivial, vapid and worthless most are. I thought someone should let you know that. For instance, would you be fascinated if you found a blog that started with 'I bought a cat today'...or how about 'Today I let the dishes stack up in the sink'...would you be utterly enthralled?

Just sayin'

jennster said...

anon... well i guess we should all be thankful we arent graded on our blogs... and even more thankful we arent graded on our comments.

everyone starts a blog for their own personal reasons and if they want to talk about a cat they got or their dishes thats their perrogative. its your decision to read the blog or not.

i will do you a favor and tell you to stop reading all of the horrific sounding blogs you seem to have come across lately.. im sure mine is included in that group.... read the ones that do interest you and dont read the ones who dont. its that simple.

Tara said...

and sometimes anon, letting dishes stack up or a successful week of potty training and no shit in the bed in the morning is the highlight of our day, if you don't like don't waste your time and mine by reading your critical bitchy comments.

thanks. good luck finding that blog that gives you the orgasm you are so desperately lacking.

Tara said...

and that my friends is why I need to go private, so I can spew thoughts like that daily. lol