is not being able to truly express yourself and write exactly how you feel about something.
what i mean is that i am very aware of who reads my blog. i am also very aware of who knows that my blog exists. lots of people in my life know that i blog. my employer knows it's here. (thank the goddess that most of my co-workers don't give a shit enough to read it everyday. because as weird as it may sound, i'm not really into the idea of the people i work with reading about my life on a daily basis.) my family knows it's here and they read it. my friends. people i meet on airplane flights. strangers.
the thing is- i've kind of always assumed that whoever i'm writing about, or whatever i'm writing about- can always get back to that person.
so with that in mind, am i as candid and honest as i'd be if i thought NO ONE was reading? absolutely not.
if i thought no one would ever see what i wrote, i'd write a shitstorm. i wouldn't think about how i worded things... i wouldn't think about how someone else who wasn't me could interpret what i wrote.. i'd write the way i felt without the need to candy coat it for anyone else's feelings- because it wouldn't be for anyone else to see. i wouldn't do it to be hurtful or mean, it's just that i wouldn't have to over explain my own thoughts and feelings- because i would know what i meant and HOW i meant it.
but since i do know that people see this.. read it.. i definitely watch how i word things. i am super aware of how i say stuff. sometimes i feel like i explain things too much... and it annoys me. because there are times i just want to write what i feel in the way i'm feeling it. but i can't do that because then i'll get some crying phone call, or some bullshit email, or some passive aggressive behavior in real life. who knows, i'd probably deserve it if i wrote things the way i really wanted to sometimes.
anyway.. have any of you had any real life blowouts from something you wrote on your blog?
also, do you write exactly how you would if you thought no one would see it?