this weekend at the grocery store, i hit a new low. or maybe it was a new high. whatever, i hit something all right.
i wasn't wearing my wedding rings because we were working on the lawn. by working i mean that i ocassionally walked outside to see how it was going and to make sure the guys were still alive. but i really thought that i might have to help, so i was in dirty ass jeans and ringless.
apparently ladies, this is how the boys like it.
from the minute i stepped into safeway, i was prey. some guy started following me from aisle to aisle. then he casually mentioned "oh, i keep running into you in every aisle." ya think? then he proceeded to ask me what i was doing friday night at 8:30. "NEXT friday? at 8:30? i don't fucking know, why?" i'm so classy. who doesn't want to ask me out? aislestalker proceeded to tell me that he wanted to take me out. at this point i look up at the 2 guys who were just trying to get me to come to their party not minutes prior in the beer aisle. they are cracking up. fuckers. i tell stalker that i'm married and he yells at me "BUT YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY RINGS!!!!" and i looked down at my naked hand and was like, "ahh, will you look at that. i'm not. they're at home. still married though."
i walked into the ice cream aisle. stalker was persistant.
"can you at least tell me where you live and let me know if your bathroom is on the first or second floor, that way i know if i need to bring a ladder or not."
i shit you not.
those exact words were spoken to me.
"dude, that's not at all fucking creepy.. ever wonder why you don't get dates?"
he kept talking about how now i'll always think he's outside my window and shit like that whenever i go in my bathroom.
couldn't get away from this guy fast enough.
then i walked past the party beer guys and hoped they had a nice show... thanked them for not saving me... and called them cocksuckers.
isn't it fun being me?