Thursday, June 25, 2009

the post where i am super freaking girly (read, emotional)

no more wedding stuff. i don't want to post anymore.. you don't want to read anymore.. so it's done! as quick as it came... it's over. (that's what she said)

i am going flipping stir crazy lately. i think subconsciously i realize that i have absolutely NO vacations or small trips planned this year. last year we took blake to new york, and had a vegas getaway with a bunch of our friends. the year before that was our wedding and our honeymoon in st lucia. and then there's my yearly trips to new york to see my girlfriends that happened every year before that. not to mention my trips to the south that i was taking every year. and then there was blogher, which was total women overload the two times i went (no everyone, i'm not going this year.. obviously). i have been traveling and planning trips for years now- i can FEEL it inside that i have nothing going on this year. and it is hurting me. like i am going to have a freaking emotional, physical and mental breakdown, hurting me.

just sitting here writing this makes me want to cry. i feel like i have nothing to look forward too. and it's summer! you're supposed to look forward to summer vacations in summer (repetitive much). i'm just so sad. i want to go to new york and see my friends. i NEED to go to new york and see my friends. i want to go to texas and see my other friends. i want to go to oahu and well... who the fuck doesn't want to go to oahu?!?!?

i don't have super close girlfriends up here. i have some women that i absolutely love and adore and feel so lucky to have met, but we don't spend that much time together. i definitely feel a void in the "girlfriend" category of my life. boyfriend goes camping and stuff anytime he wants too with his buddies. and while i don't begrudge him that (at all) there is a part of me that screams everytime he leaves to go hang out with them. and i think it's just the jealous part of me because my best friends aren't here. i can't go do that with them if i wanted too. seeing my best friends means planning a fucking trip and flying somewhere. or driving hours to get to them. which is fine because i love to travel, but which isn't fine when you have no money to do it with.

the thing is? i NEED some girlfriend time. i need to get the fuck away from here. i don't want boys around.. i don't want a family trip.. i want a stercation. i want to stay up late partying at clubs and dancing all night. i want to eat a slice of the best pizza in the us at 4 in the morning. i want to stay up talking with my girlfriends in their bed until none of us can keep our eyelids open anymore. i just want their company. i miss them so much. and i'm sitting here trying to figure out any possible way that i can make seeing them happen. not for them, but for me. because i need it. like need in the most possible way that you can need something.

listen, i'm a guys girl and i can hang with the boys like nobody's business. but this guys girl also needs girls. your guy friends can't fill that girlfriend void. it's not the same. i find myself constantly surrounded by boys and it just makes that void even stronger. it makes me more aware of what i'm missing. more aware that i need to take more time out for ME. i need to do things that will make me more spiritually happy.. content.. balanced. that's probably it. i feel totally out of balance because my life is leaning so far in 1 direction that the other direction is virtually ignored. i have to fix that. before i go absolutely insane and lose it. althought that might be fun for y'all to watch. ha

13 comments:

Lori aka A Cowboy's Wife said...

awwww, this is exactly why I'm looking forward to going to Chicago for Blogher. It will be my only "girls time".

You can come visit me anytime on the ranch tho! :) {{hugs}}

Karen Sugarpants said...

You're always welcome here, lady. *buttslap*

cat said...

tahoe and vegas I am surely going to miss this summer as well. We had so much fun. all I can say is I miss you.....

fo said...

I am dying for you to come to NY

I miss you alot girl

Kristabella said...

Man, I wish you were coming to BlogHer.

Andie said...

you are always welcome here. Although, you still have to fly here!

I know what you mean. I need girl trips like crazy!

Alison said...

Is it too late for you to go to Blogher? It sounds like it's just what you need.

If it makes you feel any better, our "vacation" this year is a one-day trip to Disneyland in August when everyone and thier dog will be there with us. Suck.

corrin said...

I'm a big time loner and not into having girlfriend time, but even I'm craving some time away with friends lately.

I hear loads of people go to Blogher without tickets - this is my first time - so fly on in! Chicago is my hometown.

Ali said...

come and visit me, baby!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

First off...Thanks for your visit and your comment...
Second....I know how you feel. I am confined to my home because of Health Issues and this has been going on for over 4 years!!! I so miss my former life out in the world and all the involvements in projects, etc...And I miss the palling around with my 'girlfriends'....It is so hard when you need that contact and comraderie and cannot get it...I feel for you, I truly do. I hope you will be able to solve your problem of this need....

Saturday is my B-Day and I am having a little "Ladies Who Lunch"...that will perk me up, no end. At least some of my peeps are here...I cannot travel anymore either....It all really sucks!

I dearly hope you make this needed trip happen, and soon!

Smug said...

Any chance some of your friends could plan a trip to visit you? Sounds like you are always visiting them, maybe it is time to show them around your new hood!!

Mojavi said...

damn you for making me hungry for a slice from NY at midnight in the middle of nowhere kansas... man I would give anything for a HUGE cheese pie with ooey gooey cheese folded over mmmmmmmmmm

curse you... lol *wink*

NancyC said...

I would love to see all of you. One of these days.