Wednesday, May 27, 2009

when is it wrong..

to stand up for yourself?

is it ever wrong to defend yourself? does our pride and do our ego's cross the line sometimes? do they get in the way and cloud our judgement as to what is or is not acceptable behavior? are there times we should sit there, keep our mouths shut, and just take it?

talk to me people. i really need to hear it.

29 comments:

russ said...

I think there are times when one should suck it up and keep quiet about certain things. I think it all depends on the scenario.

I am going to start sucking it up and taking things and not saying a thing.

This is not really all that related – but recently, within the past month, I have lost two good friends.

One because I was honest, and asked questions and said some truths she obviously did not want to hear and she freaked out and decided we would not be friends anymore. But then within 10 minutes of that, she sends me an email saying how we are both forgiving people and she loves me and we will be friends again. Do I want to even bother? BAH!

One, even more bizarre and unrelated tale, is that a friend of mine had to put her dog to sleep and was devastated beyond devastated. I turned her on to the “stages of loss:” Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, pointing her to several good resources about loss and grief…and she took offence and took it as being judgmental and refused to talk to me ever again without even explaining why. It took her over a month and a half to finally tell me that was why she is never talking to me again. Bizarre. Very very bizarre.

I tell ya, one tries to help and do good in this world/life and one gets shit on. So from now on, I shall remain silent and indifferent and non-helpful. I shall not even try to defend myself due to these freakish circumstances. BAH!

Ok so maybe none of this is related. Sorry to waste space and time.

Anonymous said...

No!! There is never a time where you should just sit there and take it!!

Russ: apparently, you need this bit of advice also.

Anonymous said...

You can't talk with a dick in your mouth, so next time you feel like gracing us with your mindless dribble, just choke on one...it will make us all feel better.

Bridge said...

Wow, the jackasses are already out!

I'd say it's always appropriate to stand up for yourself. However, the way in which you do the standing up can make all the difference. Where ego becomes a problem is when we react strongly out of our emotions rather than calmly explaining our boundaries and insisting that they be respected. (Not that you should ingore emotions - just don't take them out all over the person causing them...if you figure out that balance, please blog it because I never seem to get it right).

You're worth standing up for. Every time. Just don't go overboard with how.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I always say choose your battles. But if it's standing up for yourself, then that is probably a battle always worth fighting.

Or just shake your booty at them and call it a day.

Cagey said...

Stand up for yourself. If you do not speak for yourself, who will?? Sadly, in this world, particularly in the blogosphere one, you cannot rely on others to always have your back.

Kristabella said...

I'm not sure what to even say for fear of being attacked by your trolls. WTF?

I sometimes think it is just better to suck it up and not stir the pot. I mean, I think people should always defend themselves, but in certain instances, i.e. the workplace, you have to be very careful how you do it.

I learned that the hard way when I stood up to a VP and got my ass yelled at for it. Because VP trumps underling. Every time.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Shake your booty.

Okay!

But if I put some thought into that I realize I don't shake my booty.

My booty is off limits.

jennster said...

i can totally talk with a dick in my mouth. i'm talented like that and an awesome multi-tasker.

jennster said...

krista- my troll came from my comment at issa's blog.. which stemmed from her comment on anissa's blog. LOL.. same troll, diff blog. HA

jennster said...

bridge- so well written and right on. and totally easier said than done. LOL.. i think that the reason we want to stand up for ourselves in the first place is so emotionally motivated, how do you reel the emotions back? so hard..

M said...

I think it depends. In my personal life, I always stand up for myself. I have a hard time sucking it up and not standing up for myself. In my professional life though, I keep silent!

Suburban Oblivion said...

I'm so glad to hear you can talk with a dick in your mouth. That's how I always pick my friends :P

Issas Crazy World said...

Funny that he came to this post. Because holy crap, I am in a stand up for myself mood. And yes, I think in general, if you don't stand up for yourself, who will?

Except in the blog world, when every awesome person I know will. :)

ChickenHammer said...

When you are morally right there is no time when it is wrong to defend yourself.

Bree said...

I think sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut. Which is not so easy for me. But as I get older I realize that there are some battles that really aren't worth fighting simply because no body wins.

PrincessJenn said...

I always think it's important to stand up for yourself. But it's how you do it that can make all the difference. There's defending yourself and then there's getting defensive. I think when we get into that defensive position that ego's flair and things can go down hill. Sometimes, though, there's a point where you just have to shake your head and walk away because anything you do is just going to make the situation worse.

Jenny said...

I'm going to agree with an above commenter who said to pick your battles. While I don't think anyone should let themselves be walked on, I think defending yourself in the right way, in the right time, goes a long way.

Anissa Mayhew said...

oh my lordy!! they just don't make hallmark cards for gifts like yours. YOU are my hero.

And today, my gift to you? A total derfwad of a troll, apparently.

I think you should always defend yourself...whether it's in a more subtle way for some situations or full-on-balls-out-get-in-your-face hashing it out. (I didn't mean get balls in your face, but hey!)

Ericka said...

you have to chose your battles. chosing your weapons is important too. exploding at your sickly 90 year old mother over whether you or your brother broke her vase 40 years ago? probably not worth it.

to answer your questions...
never wrong, but sometimes you may lose more than you win.
i don't think so.
yes.
i think so.
almost undoubtedly.

clearly you have something specific in mind. can you share? in general?

SUEB0B said...

My wise spiritual advisor Mary Hill told me that whenever you feel a sense of urgency (like when you just HAVE to say something, not like when you have to save someone from a fire), that is coming from your ego and not your best self.

Jill said...

being a Virgo I have to stop and ask myself, is this really worth what I am about to say.

Because in my day I have opened my mouth emotionally and was immediately sorry because although I felt better about myself and my cause what WAS the actual cost to myself, my friends, my realtives or whomever else I chose at the second to connect with.

Then reality comes along and slaps me upside the head and say."WHY the HELL did you say THAT when you should have just shut the frig up!"

It's a constant battle within myself. Or as husband says "this conversation like talk on honeymoon.......unnecessary! Gee thanks honey!

Multi-tasking........LOL! Great come back and why do these people post anonymously.....sheesh

Salacious said...

Of fucking course you should stand up for yourself. You don't just sit there and let someone walk all over you by dominating you with what they're saying to you. If you feel violated it's because you're being violated (simple as that). Don't sit there and take it. Defend yourself and respond with your own point of view. It doesn't matter what "way" you do it (that's bull shit). You're simply responding to someone's bitchyness and you have a perfect right to if they're being a bitch. Simple.

Becky said...

i rarely stand up for myself and usually sit there and take it. but i always tell OTHER people to stand up for themselves because i hate how i feel after i just sit there and don't say anything. but that's just my personality and totally something that's not gonna change.

Scientific Lutheran said...

I'd need to know more about the situation. There are certainly times to stand up for yourself, or to stand for someone who can't stand for themselves, but there are other times when it isn't worth a confrontation just for confrontation's sake. And that decision would differ for different folks.

That wasn't much help, was it?

Greg said...

No. It wasn't.

Tuesday Girl said...

I never take it and sometimes I regret speakign up too soon. If I thought about it, then maybe they had a point or I overreacted.

Sad but true.

Meg said...

I don't know about this. I rarely stand up for myself so I need to learn how to do it more!

becky @ misspriss said...

Sometimes I do stand up for myself. But oftentimes I just piss & moan in the background instead of saying something. I'm sure my husband is tired of hearing my venting.

But when I'm under attack, I usually freeze up. I can't think of anything to say to defend myself. Yet when we're joking around, I totally have a comeback! Just never when it really counts.