i am writing you this note because i have so many thoughts about you and chris brown that i can't get them out of my head. (blame parentingourchildren for getting me started on this rampage). as more news has come to light about what really happened that night, i am horrified. i wanted to think that cb hit you once or twice (not that that is okay, but i wanted to believe it wasn't as brutal as it was). but after reading this deposition, it's obvious that he beat the living shit out of you. like a crazy person. numerous, NUMEROUS times.
you know rihanna, it sucks that this happened so publicly. now the entire world is in your very personal business, when it isn't any of theirs. i know that has to make all of this so much more difficult because every move and decision you make, we get to watch. and judge. and it's not fair really. and it makes me sad for you.
but even sadder is knowing that you're back together with him. the reality of this is, you were given a golden opportunity here to really stand up and empower women and girls everywhere. i know how hard it is to stay away from someone after they hit you. i know that you want to believe their apology, their "it will never happen again" and it's hard leave someone you love.. even when you know you should. but all of those things- EXACTLY THOSE THINGS- are why you should have talked about this publicly.
you could have taken this opportunity to really speak out against domestic violence and abuse. you could have talked about how you were feeling. how conflicted you were. how truly hard it is to stay away from someone you love and care about. you could have really talked openly about your love for this boy, and even with that love and all your feelings, you know you can't go back to him. you could have talked about the conflict- because you can't just turn your heart off. you don't stop caring about someone, even when they've give you every reason too. abuse is scary and a really emotionally tough thing to deal with. outsiders will always be able to look at a situation and think how easy it must be to leave it. but they don't understand everything else that is wrapped up in it. like the guilt and the blame you put on yourself. as if it's your fault. if you hadn't done "this" or said "that" it never would have happened. but that just goes back to society blaming the women for the bad things that happen to them. it's fucked up and it's wrong. yet we allow it and support it everyday.
it would have taken a lot of strength to be that open about something so personal, but god, it could have helped SO many people. you could have taught those young girls who look up to you that it's NOT okay to stay with someone who hits you. that we don't "stand by our man" no matter what he does. because sometimes, what he does is wrong. but the sad truth is, you just taught them the exact opposite. and i'm sure you want to tell everyone to mind their own business, and make their own decisions, but sometimes things don't work that way. who knows, maybe your actions have reinforced beliefs for some already strong and self reliant girls. maybe they will look at you and think you're weak and never want to be like that? but in today's society of girls, i'm not so sure.
i just wish you would have talked about this struggle. i wish you would have talked about your WANT to get back together with the boy you love, but recognized that it would be the wrong thing to do. it's hard to have your mind win the battle against your heart. i think everyone would have really been on your side, and been pulling for you. and for all the women who have been victims of domestic violence, they could have related. everything you talked about and expressed would have probably made them feel more normal. and probably like less of a loser for feeling conflicted, or feeling certain emotions. they could have learned that those emotions were "normal" for a situation like this. you probably could have helped eachother. it's just sad. all of it. everything about it.
the worst part? when he hits you again, everyone is going to say you should have known. no one is going to feel bad for you the next time. they're going to all say you were an idiot for staying with him in the first place. that will probably suck for you.