Sunday, March 01, 2009

dear HGTV dream home winner

hi there winner of the house you most likely cannot even afford to live in! i'm ster! can i ask you something? a small favor really... when you get your house and you look around at all the stuff, do you think you could go ahead and part ways with a few small things? i promise you won't miss em. and i want them baaaaaaaaaaaaaad. and i'd be really grateful! i mean, i'd go buy them myself, but they're fucking $120 bucks each at ethan allen. and well, while i really like them and really want them and stuff..... i can't justify spending 120 bucks for ONE (plus, i want way more than just one).

your new bathroom? it has like 6 of them! SIX!!! you don't need 6 of those things. hell, you don't even need one. but me? i need em all! okay fine, i want them all. but really, i'll settle for four. see how reasonable i am? i'm such a good compromiser.

i suppose i should show you what is it that i want from you, eh? ok! well it's these.

that's right. my big fuss is over candle holders. i can't help it! i think they're so pretty and i love them and i want them. and well, look at your new house and all the new amazing things you got that came with it (don't look at your tax bill, don't look at your tax bill).

so i'll just wait here for your okay to come fetch my new candle holders. just go ahead and post in the comments when you want to invite me over. i'll be there in a jif. and thanks, you're really swell.

8 comments:

Chris O said...

So who won? Was it the woman who just had 8 babies? She and her 14 kids need a big house and hey, they can pay the taxes with her public assistance. WAIT! they might even qualify for tax exemption.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Those ARE cool. Now I want them too. So guess what? Every time I leave a comment on your blog I feel so damn proud of myself. Yes! I'm (at least sometimes) commenting more ... and that was a New Years resolution.

So yay me!

jennster said...

no winner yet... i'm just posting in advance! lol

Don't Lick The Ferrets! said...

Get crafty girl! Grab some wood, some glass and some metal parts and put 'em all together. Throw some candles in and wah-lah! You're very own, unique candles. Ha ha, yeah, right. I know, I'll lay off the crack now.

Anonymous said...

Oooh, those are really cute. I like them!

Peggy said...

Lemme make you a deal...we can split one candleholder...$60 each for 6 months per year...sound good? Ok then...I'll take winter (it'll be just great with the holdiays and all)...I'm gonna go find a spot for it now!

Joe said...

I'm starting to get really, really annoyed that I never win the dream house. Can you please draft a letter for me to send to HGTV? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

CA, actually has some of the most resonable property taxes in the nation. It is likely that if the people who win have jobs and a home that they can sell, they can probably afford to live there. After all, they won't have to pay mortgage but they may have to seriously conserve electricity because that is definitely not cheap in CA.