Thursday, February 26, 2009
last year when i attended the blogher parties only (ha) i met quite a few new people. i met people (far more than one) who i learned had started blogging JUST to make money. i remember thinking how weird that was of a concept to me. i guess it just never occurred to me to ever start something that i view that personally (our blogs) for money alone. not that it's wrong what they're doing, it's just not what i'm about. and it kind of makes me torn inside.
i feel like so many of us started writing our blogs for very personal reasons. some people started to take notice, and before you knew it, we were being afforded the option to have ads run on our blogs. we could actually get some money to do what we would be doing anyway. people wanted to send us things so we would write about them... or give them away. hell, i think that's an area that is still growing and is just barely in its infancy. but like heather b said in lindsay's comments- she felt that it was something that grew more organically and i could not agree more.
it was like a natural evolution. it still is. we're a work in progress, all of us blogging about our lives and our thoughts and our fears. and we're evolving with companies that want to do stuff with us. work with us. it's crazy the opportunities some of us get while the rest of us watch with envious eyes.
and i will admit that sometimes i get really fucking bitter when i see people getting really spectacular opportunities. and it's not like i begrudge them those things at all, but there is a part of me that OF COURSE wants to be included. there are times i definitely look around the blogosphere and wonder why i'm the only one who doesn't get asked to go anywhere or do anything. and of course, that's not true- but sometimes it's hard to not feel that way. especially when a lot of the people who are getting invited places are people you consider your blog friends.
but then i also wonder what those particular people had to do to get invited to these things? did they sell their soul? did they have to post about something, or commit in some way or another for a ridiculous amount of time? i mean, i have a full time job and i have to travel for work and i don't have the time to do some of things for my blog that other people do. but even if i did have the time, would i? i mean, is that what my blog is about... getting shit for free? it's not. it's a damn fun and good perk, but if all that went away tomorrow, i would still be here. blogging for nothing. and loving it just the same.
and i wonder how many other people can say the same thing? are the people who are blogging just for the free trips, the free money, the free THINGS giving those of us who didn't start that way, a bad name? are they skewing the marketers in a direction that isn't natural and therefore fucking it up for the rest of us? are they taking marketing away from bloggers who blog for the "right" reasons? or are there no right reasons? i don't have the answers, but i do have a lot of questions.
back to the beginning.. i do find it weird that people are blogging just for things. that their main reason to start their blog was to make money. in my opinion, that just makes it so unnatural. it makes it less compelling. and i think personally, i'm less inclined to have the want to read that person's blog. unless i've met them in person, cause then that usually changes everything. :)
but what do you think? in this craziness of the new marketing hungry bloggers- how do you feel? and if it was all gone tomorrow, the free trips, the cars, the camera's, the money... would you still be blogging?
(and i'm not trying to take anything away from lindsay's post... as if i ever could... so please read her blog as well, if you haven't already, since she's the reason i went on this rampage in the first place!)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
i have also found my new most favorite place in the world to hang out and eat in la. i feel like such a jackass because i've driven by this restaurant at least 1000 times in the past. i always thought they were closed though. at least for lunch. they're not. the food was SO freaking good and the inside is enormous! i don't think they've redecorated since they're hay day, and i totally dig everything about the joint. i don't think i've ever been so in love with a place before (disneyland doesn't count). i just loved the vibe of the place. i could sense the history there. it's like i could feel it. everything about the decor and the bar just took me in. i wouldn't have been surprised if frank sinatra hopped up and started singing. (ok, i might have been a little surprised). i felt like i was in an old mobster movie. and old hipster hangout. it was amazing. i can't believe i never went there before. i can't wait to hang out there all the time when i move back. seriously. i can't rave about this place enough. i hope it never changes. the running joke yesterday was that i'd get to set up shop on the warner bros lot and have all my business lunches at the smokehouse. not a funny joke if you ask me.
<insert sound of heart breaking here>
have i mentioned before how much i love what i do and the talent i get to work with? well, for the record- i do. i really, really do. sometimes i forget how much fun it is to be me. cause really... being me? it's pretty fucking awesome.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
uh. not freaking really dude.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!! good lord.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
a friend of mine is selling it. she gave me all this crap to try for 3 days. it's like a bajillion steps everynight to wash and moisturize your face. i was really overwhelmed at first, but it's not really that much different than pro-active's 3 step system. so anyway... i'm in the market for a good face wash and moisturizer, so i told her i'd try it. i want to stop using pro-active because i've never had a zit problem *knocks on wood* and i think the stuff is super drying and probably can't be that good for your skin over long periods of time. i'm just terrified that if i stop using it completely, i'll grow zits.
like a farm.
on my face.
so i've been using the arbonne 3 thousand step thing for the past 3 nights. the moisturizer is HEAVY. i mean, i put it on at night and when i wake up in the morning, i can still feel it on my face. my skin looks nicer when i put my makeup on, but i think it's because it's so moisturized. i'm not necessarily sure that's a good thing. (is it?) i feel like i look dewy. i don't like looking dewy. if i wanted to look dewy, i would still wear cream foundations. i wear powder to cut the shiny look. i kind of feel like i look shiny... and greasy. and i feel kind of greasy, although that's not the right word at all. i think i just feel... oily? hell, i don't know. basically, i can FEEL the stuff on my face. i don't like feeling stuff on my face.
anyway, is that how this stuff is supposed to feel?! eventually if i keep using these products, will i turn into an oil machine? that's what worries me. and also, what do you wash and moisturize your face with? and what kind of skin do you have? i definitely have combination skin. if i try to use moisturizers that aren't oil free, my skin will tell me. i've used a lot of the garnier products for moisturizing my face, and i've really liked them. i wonder if i would like their face wash products?!?! anyway... talk to me people! and slynnro, i'm talking to you. this is right up your alley, right?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
things like... i end up snorting splenda. yeah, you read that right. i.snorted.splenda.
i opened a package of it.. took the trust knife and i sliced and diced the splenda like i'm certain a true cokehead would (or like i 've seen it done in movies and stuff- hollywood is SO good for something)... then i took my straw, stuck it up one nostril, held the other closed and SNORTED THE SPLENDA.
it immediately went into my throat. then not long after it was in my chest. i think i coughed. i'm probably dying right now as i type this.
i'm an idiot.
and this is just one of the many reasons you shouldn't be friends with me. or at least be seen with me in public.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
1- is it worth doing?
2- do you like doing it?
3- do you feel like it's helping or doing ANYTHING for you? ie, have you lost weight OR inches?
4- would you do it again?
5- just talk to me about it.... what you liked, what you didn't, what you think works, what doesn't...
and thanks!!!!! SMOOCH!
Friday, February 13, 2009
so last year, after (i think) what was our 5th year of him not giving me shit on valentine's day, i lost it. (holy shit, this post was just about to be an almost word for word rewrite of last years post. i am such a jennster) i told him that it could never happen again. he had to do SOMETHING dammit. nothing major. nothing crazy. don't break the bank, but holy shit- make me feel somewhat important?!? and just get me something small for valentine's day since i do the same for you! i know, difficult concept.
so this year? we're spending valentine's day at the baseball fields! ha! but we are going out to dinner, which will be the first time we've ever done that for valentine's day. ever. god i make our relationship sound like the suck. anyway.. we're also getting massages (thanks ster. .oh, you're welcome ster!) but it's a step in the right direction.. this year dinner, next year diamonds. awesome!
talk to me about your valentine's day! what do you do? do you hate it? love it? think it's fucking lame and pointless and would rather just have sex and shut the hell up already?! spill.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
they are fucking funny.
i should be embarassed.
but i'm not.
try not to laugh too hard at high school ster. you gotta admit, the bangs are awesome. HA
and not high school, but still amazing.
ps- i totally think i'm still the same.. i do the same shit and make the same faces.
what about you? POST YOUR HIGH SCHOOL PICS NOW! come on, it will be fun!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
because i just realized yesterday that everyone and their dog from high school is on the damn thing.
and their friend's list reads like our high school yearbook. it's like 95% high school people, 5% relatives/others. it's weird.a shitload of people from high school married eachother. i mean, A LOT. not necessarily people from the same graduating class, but still- it's like the school met up and coupled out.
everyone is totally still in eachother's lives. i get the impression that they talk daily and hang out often. i think i've kept in touch with 2 people since high school. and really, that's pushing it since i can only think of 1 that i truly kept in touch with since graduation day.
all the chicks from high school? they look fucking hot. even 2 and 3 kids later, they are all freaking gorgeous. (please note, this is not one of the things weirding me out, but it had to be mentioned cause it's awesome)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
i am hating all this talk about chris brown and rihanna. i will wait for the WHOLE story to come out, but it's obvious that someone beat the piss outta rihanna saturday night.
i know, i know- why do i care? and why am i shocked? i care because i really like chris brown. i really like his music. and i got blake to like his music. i am shocked because he's always seemed so mellow and chill and non freaking violent. he just seemed like a better person than all of this. and i guess the reality of it is that i never saw this coming. it is so unexpected. especially when he has said things like this in the past:
The 19-year-old performer has spoken out in the past about growing up in a
violent home with an abusive stepfather.
"He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, ‘I'm just gonna go crazy on him one day...' I hate him to this day," Brown told Giant magazine in 2007.
The R&B star discussed his experience with domestic abuse on Tyra Banks' talk show in 2007.
"It affected me...especially toward women. I treat them differently. Because I don't want to go through the same thing or put a woman through the same thing that that person put my mom through."
it just reminds me of the whole kobe bryant rape thing. and if it all comesout that chris brown is a crazy mo fo who beat the living piss outta rihanna, i
can't support him. i can't buy anymore of his albums. and i can't let blake like
or think a girl beater is totally awesome.
why do you put me in this situation?! just beat up yourself and then no one will have to stop liking you! i really wish that i could say it's all a misunderstanding. i wish that it wouldn't be him who hit her. or i wish there was someway all of this could be explained in a way that doesn't make chris brown a piece of shit...... i guess time will tell.
Monday, February 09, 2009
so.. from a born and raised los angeles dodger fan... someone who bleeds dodger blue... someone who hates that she has to see giants fans all around her where she lives.... and stupid SF giants hats on people's heads... here's my middle finger. :)
i hope you suck more than you did last year.
Friday, February 06, 2009
but i just wanted to announce to the world that the reason i don't wear jackets, or warm things (most of the time) is because I HATE SLEEVES. i hate having things on my arms. unless they are really baggy and loose... i don't like feeling like i don't have freedom.... like i can't move. i don't like the feeling of having things restricting me... or confining me. (i'm sure somewhere a psychologist is having a field day with this analogy).
but it's totally true. it's the same reason why i can't ever wear socks to bed (ew) or pants in bed. i hate the feeling of everything getting all tangled up and wrapped around my legs. i end up feeling like my legs are choking. i sleep in a tank top and boxer shorts. anything else will drive me crazy. hell, i can barely stand to have sheets on the bed. cause they are always super tight at the end of the bed where they are tucked in- and i hate that feeling of being restricted and not being able to move my feet around freely.
omg, can you tell i have restriction issues?! ha! so, what weird issue do you have? you know you have SOMETHING that's crazy like me. right?
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
okay. i am tracking every single morsel of food that goes into my wonderful mouth via livestrong (the daily plate thing). on the days where i don't work out, i find that it is incredibly easy to be mindful of what i'm eating. i find that i'm very conscious of how i'm eating, and what i can eat, etc. it's totally a no brainer. easy. loves it.
but on the days where i do work out, i freaking eat everything in sight. not necessarily bad things, but it's almost like i can't stop eating cause i'm so freaking hungry all the time. i can eat lunch, but then it's not even an hour later and i'm telling my co-worker that i must eat something or i'll die. i'm not exaggerating either because on the days where i do workout, i consume (per my daily plate) at least an additional 500 calories. at least. it's like working out makes me crazy with hunger. or just crazy.
this is why working out pisses me off. or just one of the many reasons. ha.
ps- i am pretty much at a standstill as far as my actual weight loss goes. but i feel like i look awesome and i almost don't care about these last 10 (or so) pounds. but i will tell you that i was totally right on when i said that working out doesn't help me lose weight. i am totally food based. like a good cake. mmmmmmmmmmm cake.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
i made sad faces at my computer monitor.. but mostly i laughed.
too freaking adorable and could totally have happened to blake. lol
i've watched this 3 times already. haha
you need to get the fuck over yourself. there is NEVER a reason to treat someone the way you treated the guy on your set. i don't care if you are the president. for you to be so blatantly rude, disrespectful and assholish just speaks to your true character as a human being. i hope you're embarassed. i hope you're mortified. and i hope that you think twice before being such a fucking cocksucker to another person again.
being in the entertainment industry, i know how accidents can happen. i know how someone can walk onto a scene and screw it all up. i also understand how for you, as the talent trying to focus on your scene and get your lines right, it can be extremely frustrating and totally throw off your whole mindset. i.get.it. but it's not like the guy did it on purpose. it's not like he was intentionally trying to ruin your day**. and that's where you needed to take a step out of the limelight you put yourself in, and take a freaking breath man. the way you flipped out was so uncalled for. you treated him like dirt... in front of however many people were on set that day. you actually said you wanted him fired at one point. ooh, you're so powerful. look at the big actor getting guys on the lower end of the totem pole fired. egotistical much? what is the guy in that situation supposed to do, except apologize profusely? but apologizing a million times wasn't good enough for you. you're way too manly and proud to take an apology from a lowly assistant to the director of photography. but the truth is, he's probably a better man than you'll ever be.
it pisses me off to no end to listen to this clip of you berating this guy. to listen to how absolutely rude you are to another person for a STUPID reason, that you deemed freaking life or death at the time. i think you're an asshole. actually, i think you're lower than that. go choke on something.
**warning** LOTS of expletives.. lots lots lots
and go in about 35 seconds to hear where it starts
** apparently i'm the asshole. it's now being said that the lighting guy tends to fuck around with the lights often on set while the actors are filming their scenes. this is a total industry "don't do." he supposedly did this more than once during filming. while i may be able to understand bale's emotions when it comes to being interupted when you're trying to work, i don't think i'll ever think it was okay for him to completely fly off the handle the way he did. i still stand by my thoughts that the guy is "only" an actor. and i work with actors. i love them. i truly do respect them. but when you start to get a certain way as an actor, you're the one with the problem, not everyone else. i respect so much when someone is trying to do their job well, and i know how difficult it can be to get into character and really try to pull through an emotionally wrenching scene. i just think that there's a different way to handle yourself when someone pisses you off. now i'm not perfect, and i should just be thankful that people aren't taping me all the time, or i'd probably be pretty embarassed by some of the shit i say too.
yeah, i guess this is kind of my half assed apology to flying off the handle in my own way at christian bale. i knew better. i know there are 2 sides to every story, and i normally try not to go batshit without knowing them both. sometimes i fail. most of the time i rock though.**
Monday, February 02, 2009
at some point during the season last year, blake lost his mojo. mentally, he was a wreck. his confidence was gone. nothing we could say or do helped. he looked completely uncomfortable in the one place he had always felt the most comfortable- the ballfield. he said on more than one occassion that he wasn't a good player anymore. he didn't feel like his coaches believed in him, and in turn, he stopped believing in himself.
boyfriend and i struggled. and i mean, we really battled. do we keep him on the team? do we teach him that sometimes things are rough and don't go the way you want them to, but this is a lesson you have to learn? that sometimes if you want something, you have to work really hard for it, and that things are not always going to be fair? and if we do, at what cost? because trying to teach him this "lesson" was going to cost my son his confidence. he was going to start hating and not wanting to play the one thing he loves. when is the cost too great?
we decided that blake needed a break. no baseball at all for a couple of months (at least). no practice or anything. it had just gotten to be too much. too overwhelming. to mind wrecking. during this time, a very good and wonderful major league baseball player gave blake a phone call. he left him a message and talked to him about playing hard, and working hard on the field. he reminded blake that the position he's playing right now doesn't define him as a player. he told him that his future was wide open and he could be whatever he wanted to be when it came to baseball. he told him lots of encouraging and thoughtful things.
and it was THAT message... that freaking message from mister mlb, that made all the difference. we had a tournament this past weekend. blake was unbelievable. not just because he hit a home run, 2 triples, a double and 2 singles. not because when he played catcher, he saved 4 runs from scoring. not because he made incredible, diving catches in center. but because his attitude was completely different. he was comfortable on the field again. he looked happy again. and when the other team was hitting the shit out of him when he was pitching, he wasn't rattled. he didn't get upset. he stayed focused and kept throwing hard. everything about him this weekend was amazing. his attitude the most though. his happiness. it was all back.
i'm just so proud of him.
thank you mlb superstar for your message to blake. it made all the difference in the world. i wish i had that power. i guess sometimes things just have to come from others for your kids to listen. i'm lucky to have such amazing friends.