so i haven't talked about my fat ass lately. it's time.
the 2 weeks of hell are officially OVER (and have been for almost a week now) and i think it's fair to say i lost somewhere between 8 and 10 pounds. i can't say for sure because i did not weigh myself before this all started. i have a weight that i WAS (before the holidays) and i had lost 5 pounds from that number. i'm positive it's more because i ate everything in site and didn't limit the candy. movie theatre size gobstoppers and bottle caps anyone? yeah, that was me. so i know i was over the number i thought i was at. but by how much? i dunno, so i'm guestimating.
i will tell you that the hardest part about those 2 weeks was my own mentality about it. i am so fucking rebelious by nature that i will seriously fight my own self. knowing that i CAN'T have something, made me want it that much more. just to be like "you don't control me" to my own self. very counter productive, i know. but now that i'm past those 2 weeks and i can eat more, it's awesome. since i know that i CAN have something, i genuinely don't want it. i really wanted some fresh bread with butter and so i literally took the smallest slice of it, and didn't even eat half. and that was fine for me. settled the want and the cravings and i don't think it made me gain all my weight back (or any of it realistically).
i guess the hardest part of all of this will be me. i do believe that i'm my own worst enemy. i don't like being told what to do, or how to do it- apparently not even from myself. all i know is that right now, i feel good. i don't feel like i'm depriving myself. if i want something, i'm having it- just in very small amounts. and that's how i want to live. eating what i want... just not everyone's serving of it. you know?
i haven't started working out yet, but when i do- look out! hopefully the last 10-15 pounds will just drop off. that would be nice. i'm still a fat ass, but i feel better about it. and i'm still losing about 1/2 pound per day. for now anyway. i'm sure that will stop once i start consuming a normal person's amount of calories each day. i started keeping a food journal at livestrong and i've learned that i'm barely eating any calories. i'm not hungry and i feel like i eat plenty- but the calorie number? practically zilch. so it's all really interesting.
and that's about it.
fat ass out.