i think i always considered making resolutions each year because everyone else always seemed to have these really thought provoking and inspiring ones. at least they sounded good out loud. i don't see the point of them truly. why can't you do things whenever you want, for whatever reason you want? why do we need a new year to all of a sudden become a nicer person? stupidheads.
remember my post about being a fat ass? i knew that it would be pointless (or suicide) to attempt to lose weight during the holiday season. i would have been destined to fail, for reals. and failing would just lead to more eating.
but today- today i start. i start eating in a way that will lessen the largeness that is my ass. and i'm determined. i cannot go on being this enorm. i know you guys saw pics of me from christmas and you think i'm not big, blah blah. but listen- i know how to stand and pose for pics that make me look thin. i am the best at fucking posing for maximum thinness and hotness. when in reality my ass and thighs should probably have their own zip code.
i mention weight loss in the same post as resolutions because i bet 99% of the world today is losing weight for their new years resolution (at least 99% of the magazines in the stores are talking about weight loss and how to lose weight quickly and all for women, cause men are perfect, even if they're fat). well it isn't a resolution for me. it's a necessity for my sanity and confidence. 20 pounds is my goal. no, it's not a lot. but it's a lot on me. and they're going to be hard to lose. the first 10 might not be, but those last 10 are going to fight me every ounce of the way.
but what i'm going to do- the eating thing. it's just a way of life change. it's not something i plan on doing for a little while and then return to "normal" just to gain it all back. in all reality, i kind of already eat like this anyway, so it shouldn't be too difficult to get a little more hardcore. the cutting back on the sweets and crap will be the hardest part for me. i'm not cutting them out completely. i'm not about denial. i need to learn how to be better at portion control, instead of controlling all of the portions into my mouth before someone else gets them first.
once i lose some weight purely from eating better, i'm going to start working out again. the p90x is really an ass kicker, but i swear that thing was making me thicker. i still recommend it and think it's an amazing work out, but mentally, i'm not ready for it again. they are LONG and intense workouts. i like them. a lot. but i need a bit of an intensity break.
so yeah. i just wanted to let you all know that i'm starting now. i really should post before, during and after pics. not sure i'm brave enough in all honesty to get that real. but that might be exactly what i need.
to all of you who do make resolutions, good luck. lol