Tuesday, September 30, 2008
i love halloween! i don't know what it is about it, but i love it! weird cause i hate scary movies, i hate being scared, but i love halloween! i think that i kind of associate magic (good magic) with halloween and so i think of the night as being very magical and very fun! plus, hello- CANDY! what other day can you walk to up to a strangers house, knock on their door and get candy thrown at you? right. see? halloween rocks!
but i kind of hate getting dressed up. i don't hate it so much as i never fucking know what to dress up as. so i always end up doing some half assed shit where i put on way too much makeup that's super sparkley and annoying... and get some crazy colored wig and then i'm like "hi! i don't know what i'm supposed to be, but i'm dressed up! i mean, a wig and makeup constitues a costume, right?" then the halloween gods fly down from the heavens and spite me cause i am really, really lame when it comes to the whole costume thing.
and please don't get me started on the parties. does anyone else have that brief moment before you walk through the door of a costume party (when you're actually wearing a costume no less) that you'll be the only one dressed up and you'll open the door in your stupid costume and everyone will turn and look at you like you're a complete freak because you're in a costume and they're all in regular clothes? that moment scares the shit out of me. but then you see that everyone else really is in a costume and it's not some huge joke all on you and then you start breathing again cause you're not the only one in a costume. jeez, writing that paragraph almost made me sweat.
and have i started to make you think that i really don't like halloween?!? cause man, i think i have, but it's not true. i really love halloween. i do! i just never know what to wear! so help me! what do you do? do you dress up? what about the parties?! talk to me people!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
now i don't know about you, but that pissed me off. and made me laugh. like seriously, how old is this person? and does she realistically think that she could be friends with someone, without including the husband? and what, just never ever talk about married life, or the issues that go along with being married, the father of your child, etc?!? what the fuck ever.
do you think it's possible to be friends with someone if they don't like your husband? i mean, actually have a meaningful friendship? cause for me, i have a "friend" who doesn't like my husband. and in all honesty, i don't really speak to her. i don't really have much to say because there is always some sort of ackwardness that exists... the knowledge that she doesn't like who i married. the ringing in my ears of all the really mean and cruel things she once said about me and my husband, and has never apologized for. and to me, if you can't support my marriage, then i don't really want you in my life. that might sound harsh, but why would i want someone who didn't like the main person in my life, in my life? i can't be friends with someone who doesn't want to hear about my husband (unless it's something bad, then i'm sure she'd be happy to listen). it's not that this friend of mine wishes or wants bad things for me- it's just the reality of what she thinks about the man i married. and in all honesty, i can't get past it. i can't. i can't put it behind me and pretend like everything is okay and that i truly like her and want her in my life because the truth is.... i don't.
and i'm wondering.. am i wrong?
what would you do? or maybe you haven't liked someone's husband, but still wanted to be friends with that person.. does it truly work? cause i just don't see how it can.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
my sis in law got married yesterday. boyfriend and i were both in the wedding. i loved walking down the aisle with him- it was romantic and fun and the best part was stopping half way down the aisle and posing for pictures. (nicole, please don't kill me for doing that).. boyfriend was like, "what are you doing?" and i go, "posing for pics!!!" he might have laughed. or tugged my arm to get me focused. hello ster, not your wedding thanks. keep.walking. this may, or may not be one of the pictures (it is).
i may, or may not have told blake to hold the flowers so i could take one of those typical pics (i did).
i might, or might not think that this is pretty much the coolest pic i've ever taken in my life (i do).
and she may, or may not be one of the prettiest brides ever with super hot brothers (she is).
Friday, September 19, 2008
southwest simply, does.not.care. if you're running late, they do nothing to help you get anywhere on time. for whatever reason they feel like at that moment, they cancel flights. no reason. no explanation. just a loud speaker announcement saying "flight blah blah is cancelled. please see an agent at the ticket counter." then they shrug their shoulders and tell you that you can take the next flight, an hour (or more) later... or you can fly into an airport that's nowhere near where you need to drive too when you get there. and when you try to tell them that all of these options are going to make you late for your session- they don't care. they shrug their shoulders and flitter off like some fucking demon fairy from airline hell.
then when you're actually on the plane.... good lord, they hate you even more. i truly remember a time when flying southwest was fun. the people working there were fun, and funny. it just doesn't seem to be that way anymore. i think they all hate being there. they don't want to give you a drink. they want to tell you to shove the peanuts up your ass. they can barely crack a smile. and it just sucks. because i'm super nice to those bitches. i fucking smile and say hi and attempt to be polite. and they aren't any of those things back. and i wonder why the hell i'm trying so hard to be nice when i'm the damn customer and they're the damn customer service person?!
and to be fair, it isn't just southwest. all the airlines suck anymore. none of them have any charm or fun or pleasant customer service. they're all mean, and bitter and seem really unhappy. and you know what? they probably are. and i would assume they have every right to be- but when i fly, i just want to be treated nicely. i miss the good ole days. i miss the days when you didn't pay $5 for a box of snacks that only 1 thing in there was good. i miss the days when the people who worked there, truly cared if you were comfortable, happy, etc. or at least they acted like it. now they can't be bothered.
i guess it's just sad. we've gotten to a point where flying is more of a chore than a convenience. it's become something that a lot of people dread doing because it's become so difficult and so un-fun. and i think that sucks. so right here and right now-
i dare an airline to bring the fun back!!!!!!
i double dog dare you!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
well i'm doing it again. but this time, i'm doing ALL the videos (you know, instead of just the one video i did, one time ha). i'm doing the series and i'm doing them in order. there's about 8 of us here at work who are doing them. we totally motivate eachother. i'm um... on day 3. shutup, it's better than being on day negative 0. so yeah. my body is killing me. i'm sore ALL over, but it's a good sore. i don't want to be ripped like the videos show, but i do want to lose weight.. and i'm sorry people, but the elliptical just aint cutting it. i feel like if i do these videos consistantly for even a month, there's no reason why i shouldn't see some sort of change in my body. these are like reshaping videos. i actually feel like i'm doing something when i do them. they're hard as hell and i can't do all the reps that they do, but i try.
so yeah. that's what i'm doing. kicking my own ass daily. and i like it. and look forward to it. i must be sick or something.
Monday, September 15, 2008
boyfriend has always had a dog. the dog lived with his parents since we never had the space or room to keep her. once we bought the house, we started working on making it liveable for her. last sunday, we picked her up for good.
boyfriend and i both work all day, so our dog has to stay outside. well apparently she's been barking all.day.long. obviously she is getting used to being home alone all day and it's a new house, without her other dog friend, etc. on day 3 of her being with us, we came home to a note from our neighbor. not a neighbor we know, or have ever met. the note was letting us know that our dog was barking and whining all day long. i appreciated the note. truly. i mean, i'm not home so how am i supposed to know that the dog is barking all day if no one tells me? i really don't want her to be a nuisance like that in any way, shape, or form, so i appreciate the heads up so that i can fix it. you know? anyway, the note was perfectly fine until the bitch wrote "your dog is miserable! you only have her on the side yard, and maybe if you gave her the run of the entire backyard she would be happier."
excuse me? i just found it so fucking rude and judgemental. who is she to tell me where to keep my dog? do you think she stopped to think that our backyard is trashed right now? that it's full of nails and wood splinters from taking up the deck? that we don't want her running around back there cause it's totally trashed and she could get hurt? what about the fact that she isn't good with other dogs.... and that the neighbor behind us has a dog who likes to bark and put his face through any hole in the fence? and that the fence doesn't seem really secure so we're worried that something might happen and the dogs would end up getting at eachother and fighting. ever stop to think about that lady? nope, you just wrote your note full of judgement telling me what to do with my dog, cause you're obviously bored and home all day and need to get a fucking hobby. apparently you and your other 2 nosey biddies were looking into our backyard and talking to our dog. how do you know our dog even likes people??? seriously. what if she would have tried to bite you or something cause you felt the need to look into our backyard? i'm sure that would be our fault too, right?
it just sucks because i realize that having our dog bark incessantly all day long is not okay. boyfriend and i don't want her to do that. we want to fix the problem, but we also realize that at the time it had been THREE days since she moved in with us. give her at least a week to get adjusted, right?
icing on the cake? we got a notice in the mail from animal control that there had been a noise complaint about her barking. we don't think it was from the same ladies who wrote the note (cause why would they write a note and then call the cops the next day?). logically, we think it was our next door neighbor. which once again, is totally fine and we get the fact that it is shitty that she won't shut up. but why not just come talk to us about it? especially if you live next door to us. you, of all people, know that we haven't had a dog the entire time we've lived here. you have to know that we JUST got one. and you can't even give it a week? you call and complain on day 4 of us having her? fuck people, i get it. it sucks that she won't shut up. but you can't even come talk to us in person? let us know she's barking? let us know she's bugging you. i mean, what the hell?!?!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
i used to take the metrolink. that was my route. and sometimes, when i would leave work a little early on a friday, it was also my train. it has since become my sister's train. that actual one. thankfully, for whatever reason yesterday morning, she decided to drive to work instead of take it.
but now she's left feeling vulnerable, and worried for the familiar faces she's used to seeing almost daily. she's freaking out because she would have been on that train. would she be alive right now? how hurt would she be? are her friends okay? will she recognize any of the ones who didn't make it? will i?
you see, the trains in so cal are a little different than say the subway in new york. it's a bunch of commuters going to work, but we pretty much sit in the same exact train car every single day. and usually, in the same area. the trains have an upstairs and a downstairs. and honestly, you either sit in one or the other, all the time. i sat downstairs in the "first car" on the way to work, which became the "last car" on the way home from work. after the accident in 2005, we all abandoned the "first car" and sat in the next one. because our car took the brunt of the impact when it crashed into a parked car on the tracks and 11 people were killed. we all decided it probably wasn't the safest car to be in on the way to work. it was the train that left right before ours that got in the accident.
so right now i'm just hurting so badly for everyone. so hurt for what's to come. when that final number of fatalities is released. and then the names. and then the faces that go with the names. because even though you might not "know" some of the people on the train, you know their faces. you see them daily. you recognize them. and you sit there thinking about how easily it could have been you... or someone you love.. or someone you know. and then you cross your fingers and hold your breath because one those equations could still hold true.
my condolences to everyone who lost someone yesterday. i hurt with you. i grieve with you. i cry for you.
Friday, September 12, 2008
well kind of live!! i plan on updating this often throughout the day... so keep checking back! or else! *insert evil laugh here* i think it will be super fun (for me at least..)... so yeah.. here goes!
i woke up this morning and it was my birthday!!! i'm sorry to say (or show) that this is what i truly look like when i wake up in the morning. i think i had been awake for literally less than a minute. this picture hurt my eyes (cause you know, they had to be open and stuff). holy shit, i have bags under my eyes. why is this the first time i'm noticing this?!?!?! *dies*
UPDATE- we (by we i mean me and eoin) have decided that the bags are cause i'm smiling.. which causes my face to scrunch up and stuff.. hence baggage. shutup, i totally believe it and buy it and am sticking with it forever!
so.. this is my tackle box.. that's what i call it. i think i've had it since freaking high school (right ali??). it holds all my makeup and yeah... after looking like what i did above, i busted this thing out and went to work (on my face). but first i showered.. sorry, no pics of that. be thankful.
don't you love how dressed up i get for work (and my birthday)? old navy tank top with gap long and lean jeans. keeping it real. maybe i should brush my hair? nah, it looks fine. put on a bra? yeah, i should definitely do that. okay, so my face is done and i'm off to take blake to school and
on the way to work i stopped at my favorite suckbucks for a birthday chai tea latte (no water, extra foam). YUM. holy shit my windshield is filthy. don't look.
now i'm at work. more to come.... cause well... there is a birthday lunch in the near future... and you know what happens at our lunches.
just got back from a 2 hour meeting.. there were flowers! SUPER SUNFLOWERS!! the biggest i've ever seen! they are amazing and gorgeous and SO FREAKING TALL!!!
and then all these pictures.. all over... windows, chairs, computer, walls, etc...
off to lunch!
MORE UPDATES!!!! back from lunch!!!
during lunch i tried to see what i would look like with different color hair!!! here's what i would look like with julie's black hair! it reminds me of the wig i have that is black and hot pink that i wore last halloween. remember?
here's what i would look like with rosie's curly brown hair!!! i actually like this. i mean, scary like it. i've always wanted to put dark brown lowlights in my hair. i'm so doing it one of these days.
and well, here is what i would look like if i was trish. cause you see, the pic where i tried on her hair is simply awful.
during lunch i was also given this amazing and one of a kind drawing from a dear, dear friend. does anyone even know who kit fisto is?? well if you do, this drawing of him might disturb you. don't worry, i bring out the best in all the jedi.
and there was cake!!! now this is a funny story.. one day when i was out to lunch with co-workers, having chips and salsa (YUM CHIPS AND SALSA) i spilled some salsa on my shirt. of course it fell right on my boobs. hence, "fiesta tits" was born. so trish got me the most awesome cake ever for my birthday today. apparently she called the bakery and was trying to get the guy to put "happy birthday fiesta tits" on the cake. he kept thinking she was saying "fiesta KIDS" and trish kept screaming "TITS!! T-I-T-S!!" embarassed, the guy finally heard her and said he got it, but wouldn't repeat it. when she went to pick up the cake this morning, this is what they wrote:
happy birthday tits. just tits. HAHAHHAHAHA
LAST UPDATE OF THE NIGHT AND MY BIRTHDAY!!!!
just got back from dinner. i am going to explode i am so fucking full. dinner was amazing! it was great.. now husband and i are going to attempt to watch a movie without falling into a food coma. we'll probably lose. food coma will win. pics from dinner!
husband and i went out to dinner. although this pic was the last one taken, i'm putting it first.
we went out to eat here!!!
and this showed up at my table at the end of the night (thank you nicole)!!! :)
and now my bd is officially over in t-minus 15 minutes. it has been awesome! hope you liked it too! lol
Thursday, September 11, 2008
so today, 7 years later, i haven't forgotten. and i hope you haven't either. there's no reason to stop living your life or letting what happened that day rule the decisions and choices you make. yet there's also no reason to pretend as if it never happened. acting as if the whole day never occurred is beyond my comprehension. and my heart couldn't bear it. i carry part of the pain of that day with me always.
2 years ago i remembered sal calabro. i'm going to post the post again now:
it's been 5 years since the attacks on the World Trade Center. 5 years. September 11th has affected me in too many ways to count. too many ways to truly even begin expressing in writing, words, or otherwise. i'll try to sum it up by saying it's something that is never very far from my mind. i will never forget how i felt that morning. my drive to work.. blinding myself with tears that wouldn't stop falling. i specifically remember looking to my right at the car passing me and him just looking at me, with total concern in his eyes. and then sitting at work glued to the television, wondering what the fuck i was doing there. the pain. the horror. the emotions. everything about that day comes screaming back to me in an instant if i let it.
i know people are tired of reliving this day. they want to move on. but what about those who lives were forever changed, more than yours or mine was? how do you balance moving on, with remembering? and when do you get to the point that watching a special about 9/11, or seeing pictures, or hearing voices of the now dead- doesn't bring you to tears? when does it become something you can talk about without having an emotional breakdown? does it ever? they say that time heals, and in my life i've always found that to be true... until now. because to me, 9/11/2001 is just as real today, as it was then. i'm having trouble putting it into the past. it's like there's this hole inside of me that just stays raw and full of so much intense emotion. and that's where everything about this day resides and lives. just as alive now, as it was then. i have no idea when or if that will ever change.
when i chose to participate in dc's 2996 project- i had no idea what i was truly getting into. sure, i would be given a name of a "victim" from that day to write about. but i had no idea how much i'd come to learn about one person i'd never heard of before. and now, i just wish i'd gotten the chance to know him in life, instead of the opposite. i am leaving this up for a few days because i really want it to sink in. sal was a person you could have known. he could have been your neighbor, your friend, your coach, your local fireman, etc. he was all of those things to many people. and now he's gone. the least i can do is allow everyone the time to actually read about him and get to know him while you deal with your own emotions about 9/11.
so this is for sal- and everyone who knew him.. and those of us who didn't get the chance.
Sal was 38 years old and just finishing his shift when the attack began on the WTC in new york city. he cancelled plans he had just made with a friend to work out, turned his car around and headed back to the firehouse. Once there, he jumped on his firetruck heading towards the destruction. That's just the kind of man he was. He didn't run from chaos.. he ran to it... to help ease it. Sal had been part of Ladder 101 for 14 years, since he first started working as a fireman. That firehouse was a second home to him. All of his co-workers, brothers. The entire Ladder Company was lost that day. 7 guys just vanished into the rubble; to never be heard from or seen again. The group of guys from that ladder company are now referred to as the "Seven in Heaven." Sal was one of them.
A proud American, you could often find Sal watching specials about World War II and the Vietnam War on the History Channel. Growing up with his older brother, they would often fight about who would get to go to war (if there was one) and who would stay home with their single mother. It seemed that the only time Sal questioned defending the nation, was when his mom was involved. When she passed away, he got his only tattoo on his left shoulder, in her memory.
Like most firefighters, Sal loved his job. But he loved his family more. His greatest joy in life was watching his 2 young sons grow up. He coached the T-Ball team, and when he couldn't be there, he would call his wife multiple times daily to see how they were doing and what they were up to.
"He was an unbelievable dad," Mrs. Calabro said. "I can't explain it. My kids would always look for him before they would look for me. When they got hurt, they wanted their daddy."
Sal and his wife met as teenagers in a grocery store where they both worked. They'd been together ever since and were married on September 16, 1989.
Sal was a beloved firefighter. His catch phrase was "You're the best!" Whenever he would say it, people would respond back with, "No Sal, you're the best!"
"The guys on the job loved him," Mrs. Calabro said. "Since he was there for 14 years, they called the firehouse 'Sal's House.' They said he was the heart and soul of Ladder 101."
Now the "heart and soul" of Ladder 101 only exists in memories, on memorial walls, in framed photographs, and in the hearts and soul of those he touched and loved. The man who once described heroes as "people who knowingly and willingly enter a peril situation and lay down their lives for other people" has become just that. A hero by his own definition. And mine as well.
Rest In Peace Salvatore Calabro. And thank you for letting me get to know a true hero.
this website has a lot of information about the Seven in Heaven and is where i found the majority of my information and pictures about Sal.
i am adding in this poem that salvatore's wife wrote to him.. i just found it, so forgive me for adding it so late.
Salvatore CalabroTuesday, 1/7/2003
A Conversation With Sal
Often I dream of a conversation with you.
I tell you I love you, and wish 9/11 wasn't true.
What the hell did happen?
Do you believe it yourself?
I'm still in shock, and don't know what to do with myself.
You needed to know about history and war,
Did you know you'd be part of such violence and gore?
What would you say? Are you OK where you are?
You remain in my heart, and are never too far.
I hope you have everything you didn't have in this life.
I hope you forgive me for my shortcomings as a wife?
The world has gone crazy. Nothing is the same.
I want to keep you alive -- let everyone know your name!
Sal Calabro -- my husband, a father, a hero he is.
The flag now in vogue was a fashion statement of his.
In my sleep we do visit. No words do I hear.
I understand you are with me -- your smile says don't fear.
People think I am crazy, your signs I do see.
Moths, numbers and birds are messages for me.
Help me and guide me in raising our boys.
They need to remember you and all of the joys.
Their lives are filled with sadness. You were their best friend.
Please protect and guide them 'til the very end.
We have all changed. Life isn't the same any more.
I hope you will meet me when I come through that door.
Until then I'll always love you!
Keep letting me know that you are here.
And I will let you be remembered --my love and my dear.
The father of two is remembered in this letter written by his wife, Francine.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
now some people might think that's a good thing. hell, some people probably think that's the best part about working up here. it's not like the entertainment industry is terribly kind. it can be a very cruel and disheartening business. but seriously, what industry can't be those things? i don't think there's any job out there that shits roses 100% of the time.
anyway, i get why some people would love the fact that we're nowhere near LA or hollywood. that we're working in entertainment, yet aren't surrounded by it and can totally escape it. for some, that probably sounds damn near perfect. i totally get that. i'm just not one of those people. it's so weird for me to be in this business, but be nowhere near it. it's so weird to be working in tv, yet nowhere near a tv studio (not that i would need to be anyway, but still). it's just weird to be involved in such an awesome and exciting part of this industry, but not really get to enjoy it. i mean... i guess i just feel like i'm missing out in a way. it would be like being a florist in an area that doesn't grow flowers. so all your flowers have to be flown in from somewhere else and that's the only time you get exposure to them and get to work with them. otherwise, they're nowhere near you and nowhere to be found. does that even make sense? hell, is that even a good analogy? lol
i love this business. i love this industry. as fucked up as it can be, it's also amazing. i choose to see the good in it. the entertaining part of it. the part that helps people lose themselves in a tv show every week- or a movie... or a song on the radio. the part where entertainment truly is a part of our society... our culture.. and our way of life. i love what i do. i truly do. it just sometimes makes me sad that i'm so far away from everything else i love about this industry.. it's one thing to be a part of this biz and be surrounded by it. being able to choose how much of it you want in your life on a particular day by deciding where to eat dinner, where to shop, where to go out, where to live, etc. but it's quite another to be in this business and not have those options. because no matter what you choose, you won't run into it because it's not there. most days- i really want those options. i want it to be my choice. but it's not. and sometimes that's a hard pill to swallow.
(in all honesty however, those things aren't what truly matter. would my life be better if i could go out to the celebrity filled clubs and attend industry parties, etc? no. and i'm sure you'd see me blogging about how i get to do all these things, but they don't matter. they aren't important. they don't make my life fuller, more complete. they don't make me a more awesome mom, wife, or person.)
i guess it's when certain things aren't an option, you want them even more. you miss them more because you know they aren't there. you know you can't have them. you know you don't have a say in the matter. you don't have a choice. i just wanted to point out that while i truly do miss these things and i truly do think it's weird to not have them around me, i also realize that they aren't what makes my world go round.
someone shut me up already..
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
he started a new school this year since we bought the house and it's in a new city and stuff. i didn't realize (even subconsciously) how much blake's school would affect how i felt about where we live. but holy crap! going to his open house... hearing the principal talk.. the guest speakers.. and meeting his teachers- i just walked out of there feeling SO positive about it all. they emphasized that the school didn't focus on "the test" (for those of you who don't know, the schools are all about the california star test.. from the beginning of the year to the end- it's all about getting a good score on the standardized test, so that the school can get more money). anyway, he said they are not about the test. recognized it's importance, but also didn't think it was the ONLY important thing. they have a music program where the kids will learn how to play the guitar, the drums, the piano, etc. they just bought a kiln so the kids can make things, do art, etc. it just was really awesome. just felt more well rounded and fun- exciting and stuff (for him)... which i think at this level, it's what it should be about. school should still be fun, you know?
everything about it was really family oriented.. community driven. i don't know how to explain it other than the fact that i walked out of there wondering why the hell we even bothered living in the other city the past 2 years when this place is so much more us. it also made me realize that the school he had been attending the last 2 years just lacked in so many ways. that school needs to take a lesson from this one. seriously. it could learn a few things (or a few thousand).
i feel happier in general being here now. like blake's school made that much of a difference in regards to how i feel about living in an entire city. i dunno, i guess i just find it weird? or eye opening? or shocking? or something. i don't know. all i do know is that i didn't expect it.
(next thing you know i'll be writing about how awful the school is and i'll want to take this whole post back... lol)
Monday, September 08, 2008
well i feel like him cause for once in my freaking life, i actually know what i want for my birthday!!!!! i'm the worst. boyfriend always asks what i want for my birthday and for christmas and i always reply with "i don't know.." cause i really don't. i mean, when i want something, i don't normally wait for a fucking holiday to get it. i buy it myself. cause i have no patience and well, when i want something- i want it. (we can all thank my father for that trait) so when it comes down to a gift giving time, i never know what i want. i have everything. or if there is something i want, hell if i can remember what it is. this is why boyfriend should take notes. like when we walk somewhere and i go "oooh, i like that! i want it!!!" he can buy it... and i'll be excited! not only cause he got me that, but because i'll also have forgotten that i liked it and wanted it in the first place, so it will be like a double treat! i mean, that's what girls do. guys casually mention wanting something or liking it- next thing you know, they have it. why? cause we're awesome.
so this year. i know what i want. i finally give boyfriend a detailed description of the perfect gift.. i want a 7-speed raleigh beach cruiser with white wall tires (i really wanted the mint green, but it comes with a brown seat and brown on part of it and i don't like the way it looks.. so then i really wanted the yellow, but i'm not sure they even make yellow. my sister said they did, but i can't find a picture of a yellow one anywhere, so i think she may have been lying to make me cry. you know how big sisters are. so i'm going to have to copy my neice and get the blue and white one which goes against everything i am because i hate copying anyone with anything and i loathe being copied.... *sighs*)!! so i tell him what i want. down to the color. and he questions me on it! "are you sure?" "my sister said that we can get you one that you can trick out and detail just the way you want for the same price." and i'm like dude- i don't want to "trick out" my bike. i just told you what i wanted. you complain all these years that i never know what i want, and now that i know exactly what i want, you try to talk me out of it?! i can't win here!!
ps- i know boyfriend is just trying to be super sweet and helpful and give me lots of options. but this post is far more fun if i pretend to not acknowledge that part of things and just bitch.
Friday, September 05, 2008
there was a fountain.
there was a water fight.
apparently fountain water is full of chlorine, because as i sit in my office- it's all i freaking smell! who knew? (probably everyone but me, so don't answer that, k? thanks. unless you didn't know too, then you can totally be like ster, i didn't know either! chlorine? what the fuck man? that is weird. and sucky. and probably smelly! but like i said before, if you knew don't tell me, k? cause then i'll just feel like a dork. a smelly, chlorine-soaked, dork.)
Thursday, September 04, 2008
politics isn't fun to me. it's so personal. i mean, your beliefs are a part of who you are. what you think. what you feel. what you value. what you want. and i don't think that i should have to defend what i think, feel, value, or want. i shouldn't have to discuss it if i don't want too. i shouldn't have to "debate" it or give reasons for why i think it, etc. but i know lots of people feel differently. and i know a lot of people like to debate and discuss politics. although i kind of don't know why. it's not like you'll ever change someone's mind or opinion. so to me, it's kind of pointless. and in the end, people just end up super frustrated. the worst part? when people think their side is "right" and the other side is "wrong." that's how it always seems to go. each side can't understand why and how the other side can see things the way they do. it just gets ugly. i mean, i'm registered as a specific party, but i don't necessarily agree with EVERY SINGLE THING that party agrees with. sometimes i consider myself more middle of the road with certain issues. sometimes i think that there's a balance to be found in combining each sides views of certain things. but it's the personal issues that i'm not middle of the road on. it's those issues that really have me leaning the way i do.
i think this post stems from the fact that my household is divided politically. and it's hard. because boyfriend is really into politics. and he wants to talk about it. and he wants to defend his views and he wants to hear reasons for why i think certain things. he questions me. and i immediately get defensive. i shut down. i don't want to talk about it. i don't need to give him reasons for why i want to vote for someone. see, this all goes deeper. it goes back to the last election. to when i broke down in the fucking voting booth because i was so rattled and so involved in heavy political discussions with him for months (every.single.night) that i just couldn't take it. i questioned myself. i questioned everything. and i got so angry. i felt like he made me feel like i couldn't vote for whoever i wanted too, because i didn't have a good enough reason. so i remember calling him and yelling at him when i walked out of the voting station. telling him through my hysterical tears that if he ever made me feel like that again i'd break up with him. and it wasn't his fault. i mean, he didn't even realize what he was doing to me. what our conversations were doing to me. he just thought we were having simple, rational discussions. apparently, i was losing my mind. i'm not built to have political discussions every single night. or probably ever. but did i ever tell him that? i don't think i did. i just continued to engage him in debate.. or discussion.. or whatever the hell we were talking about.. and that is so not me to go all political sally on someone. i must have been trying to get him into bed or something.
so yeah. here we are again. 4 years later. and i can't take having a repeat of 4 years ago so i totally shut down. i feel like i cannot talk to him about this stuff. or more accurately, i don't want to talk to him about this stuff. i don't want to debate. i don't want to defend. i don't want to come up with a litany of reasons for things. i just want to say i'm voting for so and so cause i like that he's this and that and have that be the end of it. but with boyfriend, he'll want to go into the "this" and the "that" reasons. and that's really not who i am. i never have been and i'm wondering if i totally false advertised to him when we were dating- and i wonder if that was part of the appeal. i wonder if he still loves me after this post. or respects me.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
they catcall at the "hot" umpire the entire game. they scream things like "we love you gill".. and inquire as to whether or not their husbands would mind if they called them "gill" later that evening. then we take pictures with said umpire after the game. you know, to stroke his ego. then we find out he's our umpire the next day at our next game. then we get some REALLY good calls in our favor. so it pays to be nice to gill the umpire (even though i think the bartender steve could drop gill in one punch).
do you see now why i love these baseball tournaments?! i love these ladies!! not only are they hot, but they're fun and nice and smart and sexy and willing to do embarrassing things with me!!! even though the picture thing was totally their idea, they tried to wimp out in the end. our poor kids.