Thursday, July 31, 2008

the opposite of an alcoholic

you guys know i don't really drink right? like, i will have maybe one (two at the max).. and even either of those is rare. i barely ever drink.

in vegas- i bought a coor's light and couldn't even get through a third of it. but that's cause i was super full from the buffet we had just eaten and i don't know why, but beer really makes me even more full- so i thought that if i drank the whole thing i would probably explode from the inside out, and while that might be entertaining for some (and surely documented in lots of pictures), it would make me really ugly in my casket... so yeah. i stopped drinking the beer.
that's also the night that i think i drank 2 gallons of vegas' finest.... their tap water. i told you how sick i was that night right? good lord. if you learn anything from me, learn not to drink the tap water there. apparently my constant bottled water drinking body can't handle shit.

i did buy a frozen pina colada when we were there! but it was out of one of those like grown up slurpee machines. and you know that since the whole thing is frozen, there's like no alcohol in there, cause when was the last time you saw rum freeze? right. never. so yeah, i don't think my frozen coconut slushee counts as drinking.

and all the drinks you saw me with at blogher? the ones with the limes in em? yeah, those are waters. i'm totally into water with lime.

the point of this? well it's to let you all know that i am one crazy bitch sober. this is how i am. i'm totally retarded, insane, embarassing, ass grabbey, boob grabbey, licker face, will pretty much do anything (and to anyone), etc and so on and so forth and "omg, what is she doing" sober. could you imagine me drunk?!?!?!! i would be completely out of fucking control. and i think i'm pretty out of control sober. so yeah. all the pictures you see of me doing crazy shit to people? ster is not.hammered.

now let me be clear that this doesn't mean you don't want to drink with me. cause YOU do (hear me black hockey jesus? you still want to drink with me, i promise).. i mean, you want to drink. it will make you more fun for me. and you'll be more willing to do the things i ask of you when you're hammered. you drunk pretty much equals me sober. so see, it all works out.

cotton candy cooter anyone?
proud

do stuff to my cotton candy!
do stuff to this

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

my friends kick ass and you're jealous of them

my trip to vegas... was... super fun! but it's not fair to credit vegas with the reason for why it was so fun.... cause we all know how fucked up i think vegas is (multiple personalities anyone). the reason the trip was a blast was because of who i was with. my friends (and their husbands) are totally fucking awesome!

i love how incestuous we all are with each other. the fact that each of us girls have more pictures with eachother's husbands than with our own, is hilarious. the best part is how all of our husbands get along. how similiar they all are. apparently we're all attracted to the same type of guy (for the most part). so it made things very easy when we wanted to ditch them at the dinner table, in the cab, or for part of the day. girls on one side, boys on the other.

my friends and i? we're total dorks. we'll do pretty much anything- like try to get jumping pictures in front of ceasar's palace while a crowd stops to watch (and then not get a picture where we're all in the air at the same time). we'll also pretty much talk to anyone, freak on total strangers from behind (without them knowing), molest eachother's husbands in the most wrong of ways (they love it), and then molest eachother in the most hottest of ways. it's just so much fun to be together, act like jackasses, and not hold it against eachother. we laugh a lot, we make fun of eachother a lot, and we take lots of pictures where we all look like fucking tools. it pretty much rocks!

the one thing i did take away from vegas? walking through the venetian and the paris made me really, really want to travel. it also made me realize that i haven't really seen or been anywhere internationally. and i want too. i want to go places. i want to see things. i want to travel. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

this is our group, minus becky and matt. so i guess it's not really "our group" at all is it? whatever. we took a limo from the airport to the hotel cause that's how ballers roll (or maybe cause it was the cheapest).
us again

here we are trying to jump. but the remote won't work when i'm in the air trying to press it. i don't realize this until we've jumped about 50 times. and i also don't realize that only our heads are in the picture.
we are trying to jump

this is the mirror on the ceiling of the elevator. we got to the first floor, but we weren't in the picture right. so we closed the doors and took another one. then we laughed.
yay!  we got it perfect that time!

the guy grabbing my ass? not my husband
ass grabbing already

the guy she's blowing? not her husband (cause well.. he's mine).
becky wants points dipping dots too

the guy licking her? you guessed it.. not her husband.vegas 945

guess what? nope, not her husband. (bored yet)
he has no head. har

you get the point eh? we're dirty. it's fun.

Monday, July 28, 2008

what happens in vegas

sure as shit doesn't stay in vegas when you take 1200 pictures. TWELVE HUNDRED PICTURES! yes.i.did.

can someone please tell me when the fuck vegas became so wannabe "high end?" i mean, it's really fucking annoying. i remember when going to vegas for the weekend meant that you weren't breaking the bank... you'd get kick ass food (and all you could eat of it) for barely any money... and things were actually comped. i don't know when the change started, but vegas kinda sucks now. and i laugh at how freaking schitzophrenic the town is. i mean, are you a slutty ass dirty town (yes, yes you are)... or are you high class (no, no you're not)? cause the way i see it, you can't really be both.

i hate that all the new casino's are filled with stores like pradda, gucci, tiffany's, etc... and then the moment you walk outside, you're handing about a bajillion stripper/hooker naked ass "buy me for the night" cards. are you kidding me?? from tiffany's to whores in 2 steps? fucking pick vegas!!!!! i mean, i totally get that maybe a couple of casino's would cater to the higher end of things, but not the whole town. that's the shitty part. it's like the whole town is now full of high end, expensive, NOT FUN, stores. with how dirty, trashy, slutty and whorish vegas is, there's no reason that there shouldn't be stores and restaurants that reflect that. ha.

but really. it kinda sucks and i think it's lame. i don't go to vegas to shop at gucci. i go to vegas to have a cheap and fun time- i don't think that exists anymore. and i really miss it.

ps- when did you start not being able to drink the water in vegas? omg, i drank gallons of it and ended up SO sick. if you're going to vegas, don't drink the water. holy crap. literally.

pss- i had something else to say but i'm too tired to remember now

Friday, July 25, 2008

some totally awesome pics

since i'm still in vegas (i'm post dating this post so it posts while i'm gone. i love this shit), i figured i'd just post some pics that i found that other people took of me at blogher 08. sometimes i think "god i'm awesome." and other times i'm like "what the hell is wrong with me?!?" i honestly can't tell you which one i think more.

if you took these pictures of me, you rock. thanks for making me laugh, spit, choke, hide, want to bury my face in something soft but durable, or whatever else i did when seeing these pics of me. awesome.

i actually dig not having half a face. seriously. i almost look better this way.
i look a lot hotter when you can't see my nose

stapler, meet crotch. crotch, meet stapler.
stapler snatch

it must have been VERY exciting. or not, knowing me.
so fun

you all remember my boyfriend, the chair? we got caught trying to sneak out for some alone time together. fucking paparazzi.
DSC_5064

not only will mcdonald's bags make your face look like it's about 200 pounds, the grease from the fries will drip onto your cheeks and make you shiney. at least that's what you'll tell people.
Jennster is INSANE.

whoorl is so mean and evil, she laughs while i cry.
Jennster is full of drama.

and well. if that's not fucking attractive, i dunno what is.
jen b's pic...  it scares me and i'm in it

sometimes i can't get over how unbelievably sexy me and my ring are. good lord people.
unbelievable how sexy i am.  truly

ps- there are other pics i wanted to steal but some of you bitches make it too hard!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

off to vegas!

literally.

tomorrow morning i wake up, drag my happy ass outta bed and head to the airport with boyfriend. vegas. for 4 days. 4, very hot, i will probably melt and die, days. but i'm psyched. i'd probably be more pysched if boyfriend would stop pressuring me. i mean, he keeps saying shit like "you'd better win big money in vegas!!!!" oh yeah? i totally want to turn to him and be like, "why do i have to win big? why can't your happy ass win big? what's with all the pressure? i mean really. LAY OFF MAN!!!!!!!" and then accidentally push him down our stairs or something.

so until then, i'll leave you with this:

once upon a time during a conference called hogwhore, there was a girl named pinnho. pinnho told hennper that she would give her TWO HUNDRED dollars if she grabbed the innocent, orange chair sitting all alone in the corner of baggie bason's haus party. well first she said one hundred, but quickly upped it. i don't know why- hennper woulda done it for 1 hundie. anyway, hennper was like "oh hell yeah" and made a bee-line for that chair. she grabbed it all dirty like and thrust it above her head (the chair liked it) and started to make her way through the crowd. but halfway across the hallway of baggie's party, pinnho screamed out, "HENNPER! YOU KNOW I'M NOT GIVING YOU TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS RIGHT??" well fuck. and with that, hennper brought the poor lonely chair back to its spot in the corner of the room... and treated it to a lap dance. even inanimate objects need love too.
my boyfriend the chair
notice how the chair appreciates my fine, freaking skills? oh yeah.

you wanna do what tonight? ha!

boyfriend likes to do things to me that i find annoying. you know, like teasing, poking, tickling, telling jokes to other people at my expense, roughhousing... annoying.shit. at this point i'm pretty convinced that most guys do this to their women. i'm also pretty convinced that while they say it's endearing, i'm not really sure what the hell it is.

so we were in bed the other night, and i don't know what the fuck he was doing to me, but he had me all like in a pretzel so that none of my body parts could move. and then the fucker tickled me! and while i'm in the middle of screaming something like, "you can't have me on lockdown and then do something that you know is going to make me squirm because someone is going to get hurt.. and OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!"

so anyway, i'm sitting there dying because i did something all screwed up to my back and it hurt when i breathed, moved, or just layed there. i think i pinched a nerve under my shoulderblade. the best part? boyfriend is like, "are we gonna do it?" and i'm like.. "what? are we gonna do it? are you crazy? no we're not gonna do it, but so help me god if i cannot work out tomorrow you are going to be in so much trouble!!!!!"

glad to know i have my priorities straight. working on my fitness obviously can.not.wait. sex with my husband apparently can.


suck it.

Monday, July 21, 2008

why blogher is so awesome (and a little scary)

i've been reading quite a few posts where people are talking about being too scared to go to blogher. they aren't outgoing enough. they aren't social enough. they aren't <insert anything here> enough. and then i've also read some posts from people who DID attend this year and said they wouldn't attend again. their reasons were because they felt out of place. or because they found themselves spending more time in their hotel rooms, than out of them. and that makes me sad. really, really sad. i think that slynnro said it best when she wrote, "And I can certainly see how one, even one lacking self esteem issues, could walk away feeling left out."

because it's true. and i'm telling you first hand. i know you don't believe me because i'm crazy, silly, will talk to anyone and pretty much do anything, so i'll give you an example. at the infamous cheeseburgHER party, there was literally a point in time where i was standing in a corner by myself. one person spoke to me. one. and it wasn't to initiate conversation. it was just to say hello and that was it. and i felt like an ass. i felt like i didn't belong there. and of course i fucking belonged there. but it's easy to sometimes forget things. things that became apparent to me when i was talking to izzy on the phone yesterday.

things like:
at blogher- there are 1000 women. most of whom you don't know. most of whom you may not even read. so when you're at a party that includes hundreds of those women, you're not looking around at all the faces you don't know thinking about how you'd like to go talk to them and meet them. you're looking around at all those faces you don't know, praying you'll see one face you do. and the other people around you? they're not noticing that you're by yourself. they're doing the same thing you are.... trying to find one person they recognize. and in the time between recognizing no one and recognizing someone, it's totally terrifying. because you will think things like "wow, i'm going to spend this whole night by myself."

anyway, i truly hope that those who have written off blogher forever, will give it another shot. probably the best advice i can give someone going for the first time, or someone who has social issues, would be to room with someone. if you have a roomie, you have an instant buddy. you have someone that you can pal around with and talk with everyday. and hopefully, you won't feel so alone. i know that it can be tough (even if you're a rockstar).

but you know, i wouldn't miss out on the people i met for the world. because knowing them has made my life better. it's made it more fun, entertaining, and awesome. stories to come. some pictures now.

we live 20 minutes from eachother and never see eachother. we have vowed to stop sucking.
JENNY and JENNSTER

i'm just in love with her today, as i was on friday.
saturday 237

i never knew what i was missing with this awesome chick.. i made her blush!
liz henry and me!

and i was wrong. y loves me. see?
she loves me lots

Sunday, July 20, 2008

so, i'm just going to talk about the drama

and i'm not going to pretend like it didn't happen, or tiptoe around it, or anything else.

dooce & the bloggess

the saturday night closing keynote speech thing. i sat there going "what the fuck is going on?" i mean seriously. someone asked dooce a question and she referenced being called a "mythical hobbit"by someone on their blog.. then the someone who called her the "mythical hobbit" stood up and pretty much talked so damn fast i could only hear half the stuff she was saying. but it was something like "i called you a mythical hobbit, but i called you a fucking AWESOME mythical hobbit.." and then something about apologizing and she's sorry, and drunk and rambling etc and so on and whatever.

and there it was. this total uncomfortableness in the room. the drunk ramblings that just came from her mouth and completely put dooce on the spot. in front of everyone. now sure, dooce brought it up in the first place so i can understand why the bloggess would have wanted to clear the air. personally, i don't think it was the time or place at all (for either of them to bring it up actually). and by the look on heather's face, she was clearly not amused.

but all of that aside- in the grand scheme of things... i kind of started to wonder if this is exactly what the bloggess was going for. let me be clear when i say that before last night, i had NO idea who the bloggess was. apparently though, i'm pretty much the only one. she is really well liked and all the women who read her say she's hilarious and that i'd love her. but back to my point... what if all the drama was kind of the point? what if she stood up and said what she did to dooce to get herself more exposure? i mean, on one hand- i was seriously thinking how fucked up it was that she brought it up and stood up in front of everyone just rambling this incoherent apology. but on the other hand i also thought- oh, she's kind of fucking brilliant. i mean just look- i'm talking about her right now and 2 days ago i didn't know who she was. i bet a lot of people are talking about her now when 2 days ago they didn't know who she was (or they will be).

so all of you who read her and know her and love her- would she do this type of thing for the attention? or do you think her apology and her actions were all genuine? because when i spoke to her later that evening, she told me that she had already talked to dooce the night before and apologized, etc. so if she had already said she was sorry. if she had already tried to clear the air, why bring it up again? why stand up in front of 1000 women, and talk about it? why make sure that the entire room knew exactly who it was who called dooce the "mythical hobbit?"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

highlights of friday night blogher

telling lindsay i want to take a picture with her and having her say, "another one??" and having me respond with, "but it's friday! and we're in different clothes!"
yesterday it was love.. today she hates me. y just hates me all the time (note her face in both pics she is in with me, thanks) lol
friday 026

meeting WHOORL because oh.my.god. she is GORGEOUS! holy shit! and HER HAIR! the hair! it moves when she dances, but it falls right back where it is supposed to be. it's awesome. and i think i'm in love with her because she said the best thing to me EVER... "jennster, i don't get it. i'm just not getting a nor cal vibe from you at all? you are ALL SO CAL TO ME!!" to which i think i squeeled, hugged her so hard she exploded and shouted "CAUSE I'M FROM SO CAL! BORN AND RAISED!!!!" and then we bonded. and pet eachother's hair. and now i love her even more than before.
whoorl and ster

this chick is awesome. and when i think she's nowhere around, suddenly, she'll come up and start dancing on me. who doesn't love a chick who does that?!?! plus, she's hot. and fun. and i might make out with her tonight.
friday 087

i love this picture because i think amy had just arrived at the hotel when i ran into her. and so i kind of look like a $2 dollar whore standing with her. she might have just purchased my services for the night, you never know- that could totally happen!
amalah-ster

i really loved meeting kristin. she is SO TALL and amazing and i'm so happy she found me because i would have had NO idea who she was and then i woulda been pissed that i missed her. kristen- not enough time. there just wasn't. and i want more. and i love this pic of you and whoooooooooorl.
friday 130

there are more people i am really enjoying meeting and spending time with. there are other ladies that i am not getting to spend enough time with. but overall, it's awesome! and there's still tonight! so just wait til tomorrow!

Friday, July 18, 2008

get me off this blog before i piss myself!

that's what i said last night.. as we were riding on a shuttle that seemed like it would never end. i meant to say "get me off this bus before i piss myself" but i said blog instead. it made me laugh (but that's partly because personally, i think i'm hysterical). i swear we drove down to LA for that party. but once we got there, wow! that guy person sure has a gorgeous house. and an even more gorgeous backyard. i'm sure he won't mind if i move into his garage, or one of his little houses in the back, right? hell, he probably wouldn't even notice (although this ass of mine is kind of hard to miss).

i'm going to shut up for now and just show you some pics. it's been freaking awesome to see people i haven't seen since 2006.... and to meet new, totally hot pieces of ass.

ps- i don't have time to possibly edit all 117 pictures i took last night. so you'll get them as is on flickr. see the group here. and oh yeah.. suck it bitches! :)

this was the FIRST pic of the night. hahaha.. it's not my fault that her head lines up perfectly with my chesticles, mmmmkay? elizabeth & moi
table 4 five & jennster

WARNING! WARNING!! girl crush alert!!! i am totally crushing on this hot piece of ass. she is SO freaking beautiful in person and so dang nice. and did i mention beautiful? and SO nice? cause really. she is like stunning. and i totally think she looks like a tv anchor. and maybe if she was on my news channel, i'd actually watch it. :) ps- bitch, you make me look like a dog standing next to you. and here i thought i looked cute yesterday. i hate you. not really. suburban turmoil and ster!!!

can i have 2 girl crushes in one night? cause i do have another. ali martell is too adorable for words. and tiny. like, pick her up, put her in your pocket, tiny. and she makes my head look enormous, but i love her anyway.
thursday 095

i haven't seen her since blogher 06 either!!! me and christina in guy's backyard! she was my partner in crime for most of last night. it was funny.. and fun. we're bad. wait til tonight! hahaha
christina & ster

dana likes it! don't let her fool you! she's not really as scared as she looks. love her!! she is awesome!
thursday 004

another person i haven't seen since blogher 06... kristen .. let me tell you, she is SO freaking pretty. she glows. but that's cause everytime i see the whore, she's knocked up. she is tall. she is slender. and just has a belly. she is NOT huge like she'd like to have you all believe. i told her she looks like a fucking maternity clothes model. you know, one who is FAKE pregnant. she is So pretty and i don't even think she knows it... or realizes it. bitch, you're stunning. let me fondle you.
thursday 010

by now it's the end of the night. i have walked blocks upon blocks in the windy and cold city. i look sweaty, windblown and disgusting. lucky for missy, she looks hot. plus, she has a really charming australian accent. and here's to her making out with the backstreet boy this weekend.
missy and ster

there are so many more pics.. i'm tired of linking.. tired of writing.. tired. go look at flickr.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

message for gramps

for those of you who don't know, i started this blog because my grandpa told me once that he read blogs online. see, he has parkinson's disease. so while his body is starting to give out on him, his mind is as sharp as ever. he likes to keep himself occupied and busy by reading things online. so i figured if he was reading anyone's blog, well it should be mine dammit! and so, this blog was born (about 3 years too late if you ask me).

right now my grandfather is in the hospital. he's too weak physically to take care of himself. my grandma can't take care of him physically either (she doesn't have the strength to lift him or help him walk around). he made a very smart decision to go somewhere where people can take care of him. but i can only imagine how difficult that decision must have been for him. i mean, when you're completely 100% mentally aware of what is going on around you, yet you can't communicate it, how fucking frustrating would that be?!?! when you want so badly to just stand up and walk around, but you simply can't.do.it. how does that effect your ego, your mental state, etc?? i truly can't imagine. i can't. and that makes me feel so badly for my grandpa. because i know that he would much rather be able to walk around by himself. he'd like to be able to take care of himself and not need anyone to do it for him. i mean, who wouldn't?

this post has strayed because all i really wanted to do was to tell my grandpa the following:

dear superstar grandpa,

you always believed in me. you have always been my number 1 fan, even when no one else was. you were the one person who always pushed me to go for my dreams. you always reminded me that i was good on the radio. you complimented my personality, and my voice- and you always made me feel like i was awesome! whenever i did any shows on the radio, you wanted to hear them. i would call you after any show to talk to you about it. and tell you about it. you would remind me to bring my tapes when i came to visit so that we could listen to them together. and then when technology improved, you would listen online, or at least watch the in studio camera's so you could see me. you never missed anything. you never wanted too. and that was probably the best part for me.... that you were genuinely interested in my pursuit of radio. and you really thought that i could make it. that is one thing i will cherish forever because you were the one person who really patted me on the back, supported me, and made me feel like i wasn't crazy for wanting to do this. when everyone else would say things like, "i hope you have a backup plan"or "well what if you DON'T make it?? then what??" and i didn't want to hear shit like that. you know? well you never said anything like that. ever. you always told me i could do it. you believed in me. and i know i've thanked you for all of this before, i just want to thank you again. because i need to make sure you know just how much that meant to me. how much i needed someone to believe in me the way you did. and how i'm grateful that it was you.

we have a bond. you know it. you may not admit it (you're a tad stubborn you know) but you know it's true. it's okay if i'm your favorite grandchild.. i won't tell the others. ha. know what else i remember? i remember being a kid and going to your house in north hollywood- i remember roller skating around your swimming pool. why did you guys let me do that? lol i also remember always going to kentucky fried chicken and getting tons of mashed potatoes for lunch everytime we came to visit. it was like our tradition. i loved those damn mashed taters. i also remember spending the night one time. and you guys took me out to a fancy restaurant in malibu. i remember throwing up when we got home. i think i was sick all night. don't ask me why i remember these things, i just do! i also remember how you guys would always have those stupid gummy candies in that container thing that you still have today! and how we would always fill up a bag of them to take on the car ride home. ahh, i remember cindy (the dog) and you know what else? i totally remember you and grandma taking me and sue to school to go roller skating. and you and grandma put on roller skates and roller skated with us. seriously, do you know how awesome you guys are?

well gramps- i just wanted to send you this note because i want you to know how much i love you and how much i appreciate you. i hate that you're in a hospital, but i'm proud of you for doing what's best for you and for grandma. i know it must be difficult. thank you for everything you have always done and said to me. i hope that someone makes sure you read this. or else i'll be pissed. :)

love,
your favorite granddaughter!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

blogher= who is the prettiest?

blogland is abuzz with women everywhere talking about blogher! and every one of them (that i've read) is talking about what to wear, buying new shoes, new clothes, getting manicures, getting pedicures, getting their hair did, new makeup, trying to lose 10 pounds, etc.

and i find it all so interesting. and funny. don't get me wrong, i'm one of those girls too, but i'm sitting here laughing at how PRETTY we all want to look for one another! it's true, right? we all want to look and feel our best. we want to look really pretty for all of our online friends we're getting to meet for the first time, or see again. and i wonder why? why do we try so hard to impress other women? why do we want to look pretty for other chicks?

i guess i can ask myself the same question, but i don't really have an answer. i just know that i want to look cute. but not really more cute than i want to look everyday.

maybe it's because we don't get to see these people often, so we want to leave a good impression? maybe we want to feel like we're as cute and clever as our blog is? hell, i don't know. why the hell do you want to look so good for blogher?

this post was inspired by ali. lol

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

another "should i have another kid" post

even though i pretend i don't think about it.... i think about it. i mean, i don't obsess about it. but i definitely think about it. at least once a month. probably more. and the thing is- it's not that i really even WANT another kid. i mean, i know that sounds terrible and most likely isn't how i mean it at all.... but it's just that getting pregnant and having that belly doesn't really appeal to me. and then trucking around shitloads of baby gear to do even the simplest of things, doesn't appeal to me either. the bottles, the diapers, the baby bag, the stroller, the car seat, the everything. *shudders*

but then i think about blake. and how he's already 10 years old. and he's an only child. and while he's one hell of an amazing kid- he's still all alone. and i think of how badly that sucks. and how boyfriend and i both have brothers and sisters who are 8 and 10 years older than we are. and how even with that gap in years between us, we are totally close with them. and i know that even if blake was 12 years older than his brother or sister, it wouldn't matter. i'm sure that for a period of time, it would matter- but eventually it wouldn't. it makes me really sad to have blake be an only child. i know how badly he wants to be a big brother. i know how wonderful and caring of a big brother he would be. he deserves a sibling. and they deserve to have him.

i also have a few friends who were only children. and these friends are amazing, wonderful, caring (not selfish) people. but every single one of them wants to have more than one kid. they stress how crappy it was to be an only child. i think they mean that it would have been nice to have a brother or sister. someone to bitch about mom and dad with. someone that you're bonded too, no matter what. i actually don't know what was so crappy about it. but they all say the same thing.

and so i kind of freak out every once in awhile. i kind of freak out that blake is really missing out. or that he will because he will be "alone" forever.

were you an only child?? was it awful? do you only have one kid? do you want more? talk to me people...

Monday, July 14, 2008

i don't know why buying new makeup

is so much fun, but it just is!

i think it's one of those things that just makes being a girl totally awesome! and i'm not an obsessive makeup person either.

but this weekend, i went to the MAC counter to get a new lipliner- all the while KNOWING in the back of my mind that i'll be browsing their new lipstick colors, eyeshadows, and whatever the hell else i apparently can't live without. it's like i can't get within 3 feet of a MAC counter, without wanting to check out every.single.product.there. the best part though? usually, i grab things i already own. i'll think something is "so pretty" and then i'll look at the name of it and realize "ha! i already have that!!" i'm sure my wallet let out a sigh of relief everytime i realized i had something that i wanted already. so, 1 lipliner, 1 new lipstick and 3 new eyeshadows later, i'm heading home to play.

and my giddiness carries over into the next morning, when i get out my tackle box (that's what i call the thing that holds all my makeup) and see all the new things in there! there's something about having new things. new colors. new fun stuff to put on your face that just makes me smile.

it's the little things people. the little, expensive, mac-tactular things.

what kind of makeup do you love?? i pretty much can't live without MAC and bare escentials.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

kids summed up in 3 sentences

one of my guy friends (who does not have kids) said the best thing ever to me the other day. i told him i was posting it on my blog cause it was too brilliant to keep to myself.


"Kids are fast. One minute everything is fine and you're playing. Next minute everyone's crying and my balls need icing."


i still laugh everytime i read this.

Friday, July 11, 2008

i'm a foul mouthed dirty whore

it's true.

i have the mouth of a truck driver (unless blake is around, then it's the mouth of an angel). and while i might not really be a whore, i totally play one on tv.

one of the best parts about having the dirty mouth i do, is watching people's reactions. like the other day, one of the dad's on blake's baseball team introduced me to his friends as his "girlfriend on the side." i responded with something so unlady like and foul, the other men's jaws dropped. and i started cracking up. which was of course, followed by more uncomfortable words by yours truly that made the men squirm. that kind of stuff totally cracks me up. i think it's hilarious.

the absolute best part about being a dirty mouthed whore is knowing that i'm ALL TALK. i say these things A- because they're funny and B- because i don't mean them and would never do them. and i think not meaning it makes it even more funny in my mind. cause i can be as awful as i want, with no meaning behind it- except for saying it just to say it. have i lost you yet?

don't get me wrong, everything i say is totally me and totally my personality, so i don't want you thinking that i'm the type to say things just to get reactions out of people. it's not that way at all (although i think i'm failing miserably conveying that concept in this post). it's just funny to say things that people wouldn't expect. especially to people who don't know me, or have never met me. i try to say that type of shit to people who can handle it though. and it's not just to guys. trust me, i'm just as dirty to the wives as well. i'm an equal opportunity foul mouthed whore. :) it's fun. and it's funny.

but oh.my.gawd. if anyone ever thought i meant what i said, or took me seriously and really tried anything- i think i would freak the fuck out. cause i would never really want another woman's man. and nothing and no one would be worth losing my husband over. i think i'd scream "don't you know i'm only joking?!?! i say that shit cause it's funny, not cause i want to actually do that to you!!!! you laugh, you know?!? i laugh! it's funny! it's a joke! OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!" at that point my head might start spinning on top of my shoulders while my eyes pop out or something entertaining like that.

and for those of you about to ask- yes boyfriend knows i talk this way. he's usually right there when i'm doing it. which makes it even funnier. especially when i proposition someone with him standing there- and then boyfriend tells the guy to take me. i'll be his headache. ha! makes me laugh everytime.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

are you like your blog?

i know we've touched on this topic before, but with blogher literally RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, i figured it was a good time to talk about it again.

you see, there are probably plenty of blogs that you read and absolutely love. and when you go to meet the person who writes said blog, you're super excited and assume they'll be just as awesome as their blog is. right? well sometimes they're not. i dare to say that maybe even a lot of times, they're not. the reality is, some people just write really, really well. some people are far more funny on their blog than they could ever be in person. some people aren't shy at all when it comes to typing online, but in person, they're the ones standing there silently.

what i'm saying isn't meant to be mean. and i'm not implying that it's even a bad thing. it's just the truth. and i kind of want you to be prepared for it as we come into blogher. people are going to be shy. they're going to be nervous. they're going to be afraid to come up and ask you what blog you write, or who you are. and other people are going to have expectations. expectations that you live up to the awesomeness of the blog you write.

for me? i'm way more fun in real life than i could ever convey on this blog. i'm not a writer. not trying to sell a book. not trying to write circles around the next blogger. i'm just me. i write the way i speak. if you know me and you read this blog, you can probably HEAR me saying all of this right now. you know that this is the way i'd say something in a conversation with you (except probably with more giggles and high pitched squeels). i normally get the "you're just like you seem" reaction from people when i meet them for the first time. or the "you're so much more awesome in real life than you are in fake internet land and how come you can't write as awesome as you truly are because then you'd be so much more entertaining and fun and well.. awesome!" okay, so no one has really said that one to me before.

so listen, even if you're not like your blog- i can bet you tons of cash that you're still likeable. and that people will still like you. and if anything, it will just give them a further understanding of your blog and the why's and how's of you writing it. and more than likely, they'll enjoy your blog even MORE after meeting you.

it's all pretty interesting actually if you truly think about it. so tell me, are you like your blog?

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

flickr + blogher 2008 =

conversations and soon to be pictures!!!

get in here


we're talking about the parties, when everyone is arriving, etc.. .come add to the conversation and excitement!!!

can't wait to see everyone.. and meet everyone. i'm getting really excited!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 07, 2008

people pay kids to do this?

did you know that some baseball teams will literally pay for an entire kids family to fly places so the kid can play in a tournament for the team?

we're talking like a 9 or 10 year old kid here. they will pay for him and his entire family to fly from say california to florida, pay for their hotel, the tournament fees, etc... just so this kid can play baseball with them.

so naturally i sit here and think A- is the kid REALLY that good?? and then B- is their baseball tournament REALLY that fucking serious (cause i'm thinking, get the fuck over yourselves)?? and then C- is that really even fair??

i mean, the kid isn't even from their town- let alone their state... why should he be allowed to play on the team? seriously? omg, it's like the yankees of youth baseball. have you ever heard of this before? does it surprise you? should it not surprise me?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

some house pics!

i realized it's been a long time since i've shown you some house pictures. and i never talk about it. truth is, we're still working on it. and you all were right when you said that a house takes forever to update. it's slowly, but surely, coming along.

i still have a lot i want to do to it. nothing major, except for the yards. those are the most major. our front lawn is digusting and we look like white trash. our backyard is just one big mess. i wish we had money to pay someone to come in, and really go to town. i want a backyard that is awesome for entertaining. i'm not sure i'll ever have that. everything is so expensive!

the other stuff i want to do isn't major- but it costs money. and i'll be dammed if actually owning this house isn't also owning my whole entire paycheck. sometimes it seems like things were easier when i had a ton of cash to burn. but i guess the grass is always greener.... right?

what i do know is that this house has been a lot of work. and it's hard to truly relax in a home that you constantly want to update and fix. it's also difficult for me mentally i think to enjoy everything about home owning, when i don't enjoy the home yet. it's like i can't let go of the fact that stuff still needs to get done. i mean, i REALLY want to have a party. i really want to have people over, but i feel like we can't do that yet. and i'm kind of tired of waiting. you know i'm not the patient kind.

anyway, most of the pics are still works in progress. nothing really is "finished.." is it ever? but here they are!

blake's room.. well, part of it
blakes before and after

part of the guest room..
guestroom before after

part of our bedroom..
master in progress

part of the computer room..
computer room before and after

another view of the computer room..
computer room in progress

the dining room.. which alreayd has changed since the "in progress" pic was taken. we have curtains and a curtain rod! yay
dining room before and in progress

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

the post where i convince IZZY to come to blogher!

because breaking your foot is NO excuse to not come (says the girl who doesn't have to figure out how to get around with crutches and a suitcase).

if we put izz in a wheelchair, we could all have wheelchair races! can you imagine the fun we'd have racing down the hills of san francisco??? (so there might be more of us with broken feet after, but think of the flickr pics!) also, i have decided that if we all take pictures doing dirty things to her cast, it will be the funnest (and most awesome) blogher ever! who doesn't want a picture with izz and her cast?? it will be like the fanny pack of '06! that izzy, always bringing something snazzy for us to pose with!

i can also bet that pretty much all of us will help her with anything she needs. right? i'll get the beer and put it in her hand. someone else can prop her feet up on comfy pillows while another massages her shoulders. IZZY, how can you resist this pampering?!?! :)

no really, i truly hope you consider coming izz. it won't be the same without you. and your cast will only make it MORE memorable. you won't need the business cards- everyone will remember you as "the chick in the cast with that other chick with the really big butt."

plus, you're hosting a party. dur. the hostess can't bail on her own party. it just aint civilized.