Monday, November 17, 2008

how do you get your alone time?

this past weekend boyfriend and i briefly stopped by a friends get together. a conversation (okay, more like 5 sentences) sprung up about working outside of the home and staying at home. one of the men stays at home with his kids while his wife works her ass off. and one of the guys works while his wife stays home.

it was interesting because everyone feels that what they do is more exhausting. or more work. or more something (or maybe the word "more" here is totally not the right word at all). and i can see both sides.

i think staying at home with the kids is absolutely a ton of work. it's emotionally and physically draining. i'm sure that by the time your significant other walks through the door, all you want to do is ditch the kids and relax. but i also know that working all day long is exhausting in its own right. and sometimes when you walk through the door, all you want to do is relax too and not have to suddenly take on all the kids in the house.

and so i wonder how people do it? how they balance? how does it work in your house if one of you works and one of you stays home. do you get any alone time, or do you not?

ps- congrats to kristabella for winning her very own entertainment coupon book! yay!

13 comments:

Issas Crazy World said...

I'll take alone time for $200 Alex. No, I really would pay for some.

We are in the midst of trying to figure this out. Whether I stay home this time around or go back to work. Whether that means I now have to do everything or does that even make since. But no easy answers yet.

Truly, $200 for the person who will come be me...even for a few hours.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I've done both. Worked forever outside the home then stayed home for four years when my second was born. Both were exhausting in different ways.

Being a glutton for punishment, I now work full time from my house so that my children can torment me at will when they get home from school or have a day off. Also? My husband is a SAHD now...so I see him all day, every day.

I'm thinking I need an office...

Kristabella said...

I cannot comment anything (since I have no kids) besides YAY! I WON!

Maybe I should be nice and give that book to my brother and his family.

Alison said...

My husband and I both work and there is no such thing as alone time around here. :) For the past few days I've plopped the kids in front of Toot and Puddle so that I could read "Twilight". It's the best I can do. :)

eoin said...

how about just don't have kids? kids suck.

Surfer Jay said...

I stay at home with the boy while my Lilly works her ass off. Soon as she walks in I hand him off to her. But he's only 6 months now, so I think Lilly is still smitten with baby-love. I fear that eventually she may drop the ball.

But really we split the work at home. It just tends to work it self out that way.

Heinous said...

We both work, so we just trade off here and there when we need to.

carrie said...

I'm totally f*cked because I work at home (albeit part time).

So I stay up late when my husband is on shift at the firestation to get my "alone time." I've also been known to lock myself in the bathroom with a hot bath and a good book when all of life just get's too rough, while the hubs likes to have his alone time at the driving range. It works out! :)

Smug said...

I don't have kids yet, but my husband and I have talked at length on this subject. We both hate the idea of daycare (waiting all this time to have kids and then give them to someone else to raise), but we need both incomes. We have talked about working out something with our employer where I can work in the mornings at the office, which he works at home and cares for the baby, then I can work from home in the afternoons and he can come into the office. We have even talked about even distribution of the house and yard work. All in theory which will probably get kicked to the curb once the baby actually is here :)

Daddy Dan said...

My wife and I both work. She has the morning shift and I have the evening shift. She gets Babito up in the morning, gets him dressed and drops him off at daycare. She also picks him up after work and usually feeds him dinner before I get home. Once I'm home she's free to do what she wants.

I usually play with him for an hour or so, give him a bath (every night), read him a few books and put him to bed, usually by 8:30. Then I'm free for the rest of the night.

It works well for us.

Joe said...

What I find interesting about the whole debate is that in my experience people tend to acknowledge how difficult it is (and rightfully so) when the woman is the primary caregiver, but are more inclined to look at a man who acts as the primary caregiver as lazy. It's the same job and it's difficult and never-ending no matter who does it.

Jerri Ann said...

We have a Jacuzzi, after the kids are in bed, which at our house is 7 pm, we take turns in their, for whatever amount of time we want...we just usually decide before hand who is staying the longest and they have to go last, that way the other can go to bed when they want....

we are old fogey's, we've been in the jacuzzi together just once....lol because again, the idea is ALONE TIME.

Cole said...

Up until recently, I snagged showers and computer time whenever I possibly could. Now, my 4 year old is in preschool 4 days a week (all day, thats the only way they do it around here.), and my 18 month old still naps 4-5 hours a day.. so I'm lucky enough to get a good little chunk of alone time through the week.

Tap into it that there's only about 2.5 hours of the evening between the end of school/work and bedtime (the girls are in bed at 7:30 every night.) so from 7:30 to 10:30 is "grown up" time where D and I can watch movies, play games, or just sit there and stare longingly into each others eyes... or not.