can you tell my birthday is coming up? i'm so transparent.
anyway.. i feel this way each year as my birthday creeps closer and closer. i hate getting older. i hate the number i become year after year. so much so, that it would truly kick ass if i forgot how old i was. seriously. could you imagine asking me how old i am and if my response was something like, "well.. i think i'm thirty something.. but i suppose i could still be twenty something, or maybe by now i'm forty something? hell, i truly don't know!" i think that would be awesome!
it's just that i don't want my age to define me. i don't want it to be WHAT i am. i guess it's a part of me, but why? does it have to be? i truly don't think so. i think all age does is mentally fuck with you. imply you shouldn't be doing certain things.. or shouldn't wear certain clothes.. or talk a certain way... because of how old you are. and i don't want to live like that. i don't want it to matter. i don't want to care. i just want to live my life and live it how i think is best- and the most fun. and i think that if you're always thinking about how old you are, you limit yourself. or you tell yourself things aren't possible because of your age. or you start getting down on yourself because you think you should be married now, or own a house by now, or be a huge success in business by now, etc. see what age does?? it's no good. it's like this everpresent timeline that people tend to measure themselves against.
so i'm making a pact to myself. out loud and in this blog. that i won't let me life be ruled by my age (not that i let it rule me now, just saying.. you know, out loud). that it's okay if i want to act like a 16 year old and scream my head off at a new kids on the block concert, or some shit like that. it's perfectly fine if i want to wear clothes from the juniors department (you know, as long as they look good). if i want to have a kid when i'm 40, i'll have a kid when i'm 40 (goddess willing). my pact is just to have fun in everything i do. live life according to how i want to live it, not how some book tells me i should. 40 things to do before you're 40- suck it.
does your age define you? do you think that it holds you back in some ways, or tends to make you feel "bad" for not having accomplished certain things?
ps- i'm not 40.
pss- i promise i'm not turning 40.
psss- i mean, i can't remember how old i am anyway, so ...