Thursday, August 28, 2008

i don't want my age to define me

can you tell my birthday is coming up? i'm so transparent.

anyway.. i feel this way each year as my birthday creeps closer and closer. i hate getting older. i hate the number i become year after year. so much so, that it would truly kick ass if i forgot how old i was. seriously. could you imagine asking me how old i am and if my response was something like, "well.. i think i'm thirty something.. but i suppose i could still be twenty something, or maybe by now i'm forty something? hell, i truly don't know!" i think that would be awesome!

it's just that i don't want my age to define me. i don't want it to be WHAT i am. i guess it's a part of me, but why? does it have to be? i truly don't think so. i think all age does is mentally fuck with you. imply you shouldn't be doing certain things.. or shouldn't wear certain clothes.. or talk a certain way... because of how old you are. and i don't want to live like that. i don't want it to matter. i don't want to care. i just want to live my life and live it how i think is best- and the most fun. and i think that if you're always thinking about how old you are, you limit yourself. or you tell yourself things aren't possible because of your age. or you start getting down on yourself because you think you should be married now, or own a house by now, or be a huge success in business by now, etc. see what age does?? it's no good. it's like this everpresent timeline that people tend to measure themselves against.

so i'm making a pact to myself. out loud and in this blog. that i won't let me life be ruled by my age (not that i let it rule me now, just saying.. you know, out loud). that it's okay if i want to act like a 16 year old and scream my head off at a new kids on the block concert, or some shit like that. it's perfectly fine if i want to wear clothes from the juniors department (you know, as long as they look good). if i want to have a kid when i'm 40, i'll have a kid when i'm 40 (goddess willing). my pact is just to have fun in everything i do. live life according to how i want to live it, not how some book tells me i should. 40 things to do before you're 40- suck it.

does your age define you? do you think that it holds you back in some ways, or tends to make you feel "bad" for not having accomplished certain things?

ps- i'm not 40.
pss- i promise i'm not turning 40.
psss- i mean, i can't remember how old i am anyway, so ...

17 comments:

Kristin said...

I turned 39 this year and, as is my habit, I make a mental list on my birthday of all the "hot" chicks who are older than I... Ashley Judd, Cindy Crawford, Diane Lane... you get the idea.

But the truth is, I don't really care... it's either 39 or dead, right?

Ilinap said...

Well, I AM turning 40 (in tow weeks!) and I say bring it on. Sure beats the alternative, right? Age is perception with a healthy dose of attitude.

Immoral Matriarch said...

"...tends to make you feel "bad" for not having accomplished certain things?"

God yes. I feel like a failure every single day because at my age, on paper I have accomplished nothing. Being a mom and wife used to sustain me somewhat, but now that my marriage is crumbled, even that is crap.

/end self pity party.

Other than that, I don't think my age defines me. I don't think it defines anyone. :)

carrie said...

I HATE being 35.

There is just no good that can come of it. Dammit.

Ali said...

it's just a number. seriously.
i'm awesome. i feel awesome. so..who the fuck cares how old i am? ;)

norcalgirl28 said...

immoral matriarch...first and foremost, and I am sorry if I sound cliche STOP!!!!! and look at your child/children. You feel like a failure? Sorry, but I think it is pretty awesome that I brought a happy, healthy wonderful child into this world ten and a half years ago and he is athletic, smart and completely considerate. I guess this is coming from me now because I think I am probably a hell of a lot older than you are and I got laid off due to downsizing three weeks ago, yesterday was my last day. I got up this morning and looked at my son and kissed my husband goodbye and realized that at my age I have a hell of a lot to be proud of. Please don't be so hard on yourself and look at your children and know that there is no way anyone could see you as a failure if they are respectful, good kids. No matter what happens in your life, you will never be a failure. God Jenn, if I am going to get this deep everyday during my employment, you may want to block me from your blog until I get a job!!!! :)

h31n0us said...

Nope, my age doesn't define me. It's the 40th this year for me and I really don't care. I do the same things I did when I was younger and I enjoy everything I can. It's all in the mind. Don't let it bother you.

norcalgirl28 said...

p.s. ... and I know a certain Virgo who is going to be a hell of a lot older than you are on your shared birthday!!! but he's so old he probably REALLY doesn't remember how old he is.... ssshhh!!!

Jarrard said...

I'm turning 40 in October and am very excited!

Jill said...

What you mean I am not 30 any more?......whodothunk it! I will be 58 next Friday and except for a few creaks in the morning sometimes I still feel 30. Looks on the other hand....well most say I look 40-ish so I guess that should make me happy eh?

Tammy said...

I TOTALLY know what you mean. My 20 year reunion was last weekend and it really made me look at what I have/have not accomplished over the past 20 years. Lets see.. married? uh.. NO!! kids?.. uh.. NO again!! travel?... um.. not unless you count the midwest! It made me feel like I wasted the years. In the end, I’ve always enjoyed my life so I guess it really doesn’t matter what I looks like on paper.

Chris said...

The age only defines me by my looks. Yes, I do look 90, no I'm really not 90, yes, sometimes I do feel 90. I'm a true believer that you are only as old as you act or feel.
A good friend once told me to not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many. Nuff said!

Grim Reality Girl said...

I LOVE that I'm almost 40! I'm excited I've made it dammit! There have been close calls and so knocking on the big 4 0 ROCKS. Happy Birthday soon! /I'm about 4 weeks from 40!

Anissa Mayhew said...

I'm so much happier with who I am at 34 than 24. I'm more comfortable in my skin, though it might wrinkle abit more and not be as cooperative in the fight against gravity as it once was. I am a hell of a lot smarter than I was then. I have peace with the me that is NOW. I hope that you don't let anyone's idea of who you should be at "your age" change what you love about yourself. Screw 'em. Be the Jennster and only the Jennster.

Issas Crazy World said...

I think it's just a number and anyway, if 30 is the new 20 and 40 the new 30 than no one knows how old they are anymore right?

Kristabella said...

I'm with you. My 31st birthday is in a few weeks (Sept 14. Send presents!) and I keep thinking about how I should be in a career I love or be married with kids or for the love of Christ, even be dating. And why? I'm happy. Shouldn't that be all that matters?

Virginia Belle said...

i turn 30 in less than 6 months. and yeah, i'm not super excited about it, but at the same time, i've never been happier. every year of my life, i am more confident, more financially stable and i know myself even better. every day, i learn something new about the world. i am wiser and less self-absorbed with every year that passes. and i am proud of that! i love that!! in those ways, getting older ROCKS!!!!

as far as my looks go, most people think i'm still in college, which i attribute to religious skincare. :) that part is cool, too. i never get tired of hearing, "OMG! I thought you were 23!" :) :) :)

besides, let's face it -- do any of us want to be 16 again??? i was an insecure dork when i was 16! no thanks!!

for the most part, i embrace my age. happiness, wisdom, stability, confidence.....it's nice. :)

but in other ways, like the whole marriage & baby thing, it sucks. i feel like i'm behind schedule, since so many of my friends are married w/kids now. yet, here i am, still just dating a boyfriend! sometimes, my biological clock is ticking VERY loudly. i have to bite my tongue sometimes, because i want to yell at my boyfriend: DUDE!!! COME ON!!! WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG!!!?? LET'S GET MARRIED!!

i mean, these eggs DO have an expiration date! and i don't want to be like, 70 when my kids graduate from high school!

so as you can see, i have not acquired much patience over the years...*ahem*