by far the best, most awesome part of my entire trip to la this time was the conversation i got to have with my16 year old (totally hot) nephew for 4+ hours. i have NEVER gotten to have a conversation with him like that before. i think partly because it's rarely ever just him and i alone together. and also because i don't necessarily think he's ever really been that open and talkative before now (at least not with me). i kept thinking in my head the whole time "omg, don't stop talking... just keep talking.. don't tell me you're tired and want to go bed... cause this is awesome.." and it was. he is such a self aware, kick ass person. i loved the fact that he would ask me for my opinion on things. not too many things, but enough that it made me feel like my opinion mattered to him. he cared what i would do in a situation. what i would think. i don't know. it made me cry the next day just attempting to talk about it. because i've never had that with him. i get to have kick ass conversations with my niece whenever we want (which i love and wouldn't trade for the world), but this was different. i don't know, it just rocked. i'm so appreciative to have had that talk with him. of course now i just want more. such a typical woman.
by far the absolute worst moment of the entire trip was attempting to console my son, who started crying uncontrollably the moment his cousins said goodbye to him and we got in our car. he couldn't stop. he was saying things like "mom, you can't do this to me. don't make me leave. i just want to stay. please mom, don't do this." as if i was forcing him to give his arms to a shark for fun or something. this went on for two and a half hours. him begging me to stay. asking why we had to leave. pleading with me every way possible to stay. the words that came out of his mouth i've never heard before. he was overly dramatic (oscar contender for sure) but it was fucking heartbreaking. because here i was, sad in my own right to be leaving the area i love and the family i miss so much, but i had to remain composed. if i let even one tear fall from my eye, it would have been all over. we both would have been absolute messes (not the drink). so i fought back my own sadness and just hugged my son. hugged him as he sat in the window seat of the plane, with his hand on the window, shaking his head no.. begging the plane not to leave. begging the plane to leave him here. "please don't go. please don't. just leave me here. i just want to stay here. pleeeease." so of course i start thinking that the plane is going to crash or blow up and we're all going to die because my son begged the plane to leave him here. i hate that he's learning the lesson of how hard it is to leave the people you love behind when all you want to do is stay.