i am literally shocked, stunned and hurt to the point of being at a loss for words (almost). how can virtually one email make you feel so small? how can that same email make you question so many things you thought you loved about blogging?
look, i'm sure we all talk about eachother behind eachother's backs. things you wouldn't necessarily say to someone's face, but would confide in someone you considered a friend. i don't expect us to all get along. i don't expect us to all like eachother. and i'm sure there are those of you reading this now who have said some not so nice things about me behind my back. i honestly don't care.
but what i do care about is when i hear certain assumptions on my character. i do care if people are talking about the "fact" that i can't be trusted and warning one another about me. are you fucking kidding me? do you even know me? like honest to goodness, know anything about the kind of person i am? if you only know me from my blog, then no- you don't. if you've met me once or twice, you still don't. you might have a small glance into part of my personality, but you know nothing about my true character or who i am far past all the silliness, goofiness and downright stupidness i portray.
i don't know what i've ever done to give off the impression that i'm untrustworthy. i pretty much call them the way i see them. i post what i feel (at the time). i put it all out there. sometimes i think my posts are too harsh, but i've always felt good about being honest with how i'm feeling. and right now i'm numb inside. but not numb to the point of not being able to feel it. i can feel the numbness. and i don't like it.