Thursday, July 31, 2008

the opposite of an alcoholic

you guys know i don't really drink right? like, i will have maybe one (two at the max).. and even either of those is rare. i barely ever drink.

in vegas- i bought a coor's light and couldn't even get through a third of it. but that's cause i was super full from the buffet we had just eaten and i don't know why, but beer really makes me even more full- so i thought that if i drank the whole thing i would probably explode from the inside out, and while that might be entertaining for some (and surely documented in lots of pictures), it would make me really ugly in my casket... so yeah. i stopped drinking the beer.
that's also the night that i think i drank 2 gallons of vegas' finest.... their tap water. i told you how sick i was that night right? good lord. if you learn anything from me, learn not to drink the tap water there. apparently my constant bottled water drinking body can't handle shit.

i did buy a frozen pina colada when we were there! but it was out of one of those like grown up slurpee machines. and you know that since the whole thing is frozen, there's like no alcohol in there, cause when was the last time you saw rum freeze? right. never. so yeah, i don't think my frozen coconut slushee counts as drinking.

and all the drinks you saw me with at blogher? the ones with the limes in em? yeah, those are waters. i'm totally into water with lime.

the point of this? well it's to let you all know that i am one crazy bitch sober. this is how i am. i'm totally retarded, insane, embarassing, ass grabbey, boob grabbey, licker face, will pretty much do anything (and to anyone), etc and so on and so forth and "omg, what is she doing" sober. could you imagine me drunk?!?!?!! i would be completely out of fucking control. and i think i'm pretty out of control sober. so yeah. all the pictures you see of me doing crazy shit to people? ster is not.hammered.

now let me be clear that this doesn't mean you don't want to drink with me. cause YOU do (hear me black hockey jesus? you still want to drink with me, i promise).. i mean, you want to drink. it will make you more fun for me. and you'll be more willing to do the things i ask of you when you're hammered. you drunk pretty much equals me sober. so see, it all works out.

cotton candy cooter anyone?
proud

do stuff to my cotton candy!
do stuff to this

20 comments:

A Cowboy's Wife said...

I can vouch for Jennster's non drinking booty. She had 1 drink each night she was at Blogher and believe me, she doesn't need to drink. She's crazy enough without that stuff!!!!

jennster said...

lori- i didn't drink each night at blogher at all. i did drink the first night.. but not at all on friday (cause we tried that drink and it was disgusting, remember) and only on saturday by accident when that fucking cold chocolate milk thing was not chocolate milk at all, but some peppered vodka that almost made me die. lol

Black Hockey Jesus said...

A startling coincidence of not drinking admissions!

I have been sober for 6 years today: 07/31/2008.

The time before this I made it 6 and a half years.

tick. tick. tick...

Ali said...

here's the not drinking at blogher!! ;)

Becky said...

LOL yes i totally agree with this. totally. me and matt even said that at some point.."can you imagine jenn drunk?" BAHAHAH

Issas Crazy World said...

Hmmm now i know why you wouldn't drink for me.

Funny enough, I am a one drink kind of chick....it's just been so long (literally over a year with pregnancies and stuffs...) that I dream about Corona with Lime. :)

Alison said...

I can attest to the fact that Jenn drinks INSANE amounts of ice water and always has.

jennster said...

alison- i really always have huh? remember when we would go out to dinner with your parents and your dad would tell the person to leave the entire pitcher of water for me cause i'll drink the whole thing?!?! lol.. i am a water whore. but oh lordy, the amount i drank in vegas. NEVER AGAIN.

Shannon said...

You never know, you might get all bitchy-sullen-mean when you're drunk. And seriously, I only met you at BlogHer for like 10 minutes, but me drunk still wouldn't equal even half of you sober. And I say that in the most complimentary, wish-I-was-a-happy-fun-girl sorta way.

The Ex said...

Hahah! I love it. I love how people in the background are totally oblivious to the craziness.

You = hilarious.

jennster said...

awesome! my blog is locked. they think it's a spam blog. are they fucking IDIOTS?!?!?!

Lola Goetz said...

That's so stupid jennster. Makes you wonder what their rules are re: spam. Stoopid!

Kristin said...

All these photos I have seen over the years are you sober?

Boggles the mind.

Robin said...

I think I found my soul sister..and I think I love you.

CAT said...

our frozen pina coladas were hecka gooooooooood!!! Loved them-I could drank those all night!!

Grim Reality Girl said...

jennster... I am convinced.... You sober = me drunk. You are way too fun... Wish I were a fly on the wall watching your life and laughing with you. Perhaps you could be a "reality" show?

Andie said...

Jenn,

now I know why I love your blog so. Because, like you, I don't really drink either. and I act just as goofy as you do when I'm NOT drinking . I can't handle the booze like I used to back in the day.

But you are a riot.

love the cotton candy .... well, ya know...

Why dont' you come to the blogher breakout in October out here in Louisiana!!!

Dana said...

I can also vouch for the non drinking thing! I think I drink once every other month and it takes a really hectic day to bring that on. But then stick me in a BlogHer setting, and I'm all about cocktail parties. Perhaps because I'm childless and husband free?

LOL

Anissa@Hope4Peyton said...

It's not fun if you can't remember it later!! I stay *secretly* sober a lot so I can snap pictures on my phone and blackmail my friends to save for the new computer I want...so far I got $2.37.

Redneck Mommy said...

Cotton candy cooter.

Priceless.

And this is why I love you. (And why I'm not a big drinker either. Cuz I'd totally show off my cooter if I got hammered.)

Heh.