Friday, July 11, 2008

i'm a foul mouthed dirty whore

it's true.

i have the mouth of a truck driver (unless blake is around, then it's the mouth of an angel). and while i might not really be a whore, i totally play one on tv.

one of the best parts about having the dirty mouth i do, is watching people's reactions. like the other day, one of the dad's on blake's baseball team introduced me to his friends as his "girlfriend on the side." i responded with something so unlady like and foul, the other men's jaws dropped. and i started cracking up. which was of course, followed by more uncomfortable words by yours truly that made the men squirm. that kind of stuff totally cracks me up. i think it's hilarious.

the absolute best part about being a dirty mouthed whore is knowing that i'm ALL TALK. i say these things A- because they're funny and B- because i don't mean them and would never do them. and i think not meaning it makes it even more funny in my mind. cause i can be as awful as i want, with no meaning behind it- except for saying it just to say it. have i lost you yet?

don't get me wrong, everything i say is totally me and totally my personality, so i don't want you thinking that i'm the type to say things just to get reactions out of people. it's not that way at all (although i think i'm failing miserably conveying that concept in this post). it's just funny to say things that people wouldn't expect. especially to people who don't know me, or have never met me. i try to say that type of shit to people who can handle it though. and it's not just to guys. trust me, i'm just as dirty to the wives as well. i'm an equal opportunity foul mouthed whore. :) it's fun. and it's funny.

but oh.my.gawd. if anyone ever thought i meant what i said, or took me seriously and really tried anything- i think i would freak the fuck out. cause i would never really want another woman's man. and nothing and no one would be worth losing my husband over. i think i'd scream "don't you know i'm only joking?!?! i say that shit cause it's funny, not cause i want to actually do that to you!!!! you laugh, you know?!? i laugh! it's funny! it's a joke! OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!" at that point my head might start spinning on top of my shoulders while my eyes pop out or something entertaining like that.

and for those of you about to ask- yes boyfriend knows i talk this way. he's usually right there when i'm doing it. which makes it even funnier. especially when i proposition someone with him standing there- and then boyfriend tells the guy to take me. i'll be his headache. ha! makes me laugh everytime.

11 comments:

Jill said...

LOL when asked if I have fun at other people expense I always say "Not unless they are their to enjoy it.......or not!"

Some folks don't know how to take it but it is just fun. Unless someones kids are there and then I would never. But some people think if you talk like that to them then you will do it around thier kids.

Some people have no sense of humor Jenn, if they don't think much of you because of it.....TOUGH NUGGIES!!

Becky said...

you mean you DONT wanna screw matt? aw man LOL i love it. you make me laugh constantly with your mouth!

Daddy Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daddy Dan said...

Give us some examples, please!

A Cowboy's Wife said...

Hey dirty mouth whore, I'm the coolest chick in the world:) Well, not really. I don't have time to be cool.

Anyways, new to the site, new to your flickr group...your camera looks kick ass..what is it?

I'm debating on taking my nikon or just my point and shoot. Whatcha think?

Jenna said...

Ok, so based on your last post and how you write like you talk...there was this one time when you left a comment on my blog and I opened it up and this feeling of shock and laughter filled me up. It was fairly foul mouthed, and definitely funny. I think the shock came from knowing that my family skims my blog and what they might think. But no way in hell was I gonna delete it.

You rock.

Alison said...

I got hung up on the TV part. You're on TV? What? When?

Anonymous said...

LOL. You are sick. You and point deserve each other!
xoxo
Your S.I.L.

Smug said...

I want some examples! If you do post some, just be warned that I am totally going to use them in my own life! I am hardly ever funny! I want to be funny!! I really want to be a dirty month whore!!! :)

Angelika said...

Foul mouthed HORE. (Jerry Springer reference. I saw it on "The Soup")

RWA said...

All talk and no action, huh?

Ha!!!!

I can't believe you told Becky you wanted to screw Matt, though. That's messed up. I thought she was your friend?

:)