Tuesday, July 15, 2008

another "should i have another kid" post

even though i pretend i don't think about it.... i think about it. i mean, i don't obsess about it. but i definitely think about it. at least once a month. probably more. and the thing is- it's not that i really even WANT another kid. i mean, i know that sounds terrible and most likely isn't how i mean it at all.... but it's just that getting pregnant and having that belly doesn't really appeal to me. and then trucking around shitloads of baby gear to do even the simplest of things, doesn't appeal to me either. the bottles, the diapers, the baby bag, the stroller, the car seat, the everything. *shudders*

but then i think about blake. and how he's already 10 years old. and he's an only child. and while he's one hell of an amazing kid- he's still all alone. and i think of how badly that sucks. and how boyfriend and i both have brothers and sisters who are 8 and 10 years older than we are. and how even with that gap in years between us, we are totally close with them. and i know that even if blake was 12 years older than his brother or sister, it wouldn't matter. i'm sure that for a period of time, it would matter- but eventually it wouldn't. it makes me really sad to have blake be an only child. i know how badly he wants to be a big brother. i know how wonderful and caring of a big brother he would be. he deserves a sibling. and they deserve to have him.

i also have a few friends who were only children. and these friends are amazing, wonderful, caring (not selfish) people. but every single one of them wants to have more than one kid. they stress how crappy it was to be an only child. i think they mean that it would have been nice to have a brother or sister. someone to bitch about mom and dad with. someone that you're bonded too, no matter what. i actually don't know what was so crappy about it. but they all say the same thing.

and so i kind of freak out every once in awhile. i kind of freak out that blake is really missing out. or that he will because he will be "alone" forever.

were you an only child?? was it awful? do you only have one kid? do you want more? talk to me people...

16 comments:

eoin said...

do it! have another kid! i promise to gain so much sympathy weight. and yes - only kids are traumatized as adults.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I have two, twenty two months apart. I love it. They are each other's best friend.

I have two siblings, brother is 6 years younger, sister is 12 years younger. I can't stand them. I think it's the age difference, they've never been anything but annoying. LOL

But I also just can't stand kids, and I grew up with my grandparents and my siblings with me mom.

How did this comment become my fucking life story? Jesus Christ I'm self absorbed...

I say have another one! No time like present!

Becky said...

well you already know our situatino. for the longest time i DIDNT want anymore kids. but when i thought of hannah being an only child....i changed my mind. and as i thought about it the more i realized that i DID wanna do this all again and NOT just for hannah. matt and i both have siblings...i wanted to give hannah that too. yall need another kid and you'll have one!

Becky said...

and i also think that if you did get preg again that you'd have a totally different experience than with blake and you'd actually enjoy the belly---the whole thing!

CAT said...

even though I have a few siblings, there is only one that I grew up with in the same house. (Lee). I would absolutely die if I didn't have him in my life. Lee makes me lmao and when we chat about things in our lives he knows exactly what I mean. The best part about having a sibling is when you are older and you have kids of your own. Watching the family grow and extend is wonderful. I love that family feeling. I love that my brother is having a baby now and my kids will have a baby cousin---they have other cousins through Chris, but this is someone (Lee) that is very close to my family. It may not be for everyone--- choosing to have only one kid is fanatstic too.... You sound like you are really unsure and need time to think it over. Carseats are more awesome now days.....use your breast-eliminate the bottle LOL and buy a mother fucking Coach babybag for reals.....LOL
Love you

Ali said...

the only only child i know is my mother...and i can tell you...she REALLY needed a sibling.

hahaha!

Alison said...

How does boyfriend feel about it?

Because your children would be at least 11 years apart, they might "feel" like only children, you know? Until they're both adults and the age difference doesn't matter so much.

What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that if you and boyfriend want a child together, you should just do it. Blake will be an awesome older brother. And those baby years that entail hauling all the shit around? Lousy, but they go by pretty quick.

Yorksdevil said...

Adoption?

Linlee said...

I'm going through this right now. I'm an only child and right now we have one. I want her to have a sibling but I hate the pregnancy part of the deal. I was sooo tired and pukey. I don't want to go through another 9 months of it. Not to mention the freakin stretch marks UGH! and the 130 injections(IVF) I had to do just to get pregnant in the first place.
I have a feeling I'll suck it up though so that she will have a sibling. I sooo wish I had a sister!

Greta said...

I am an only child... I hated it as a child and have always wishedI had a brother or sister to talk to as I've grown older. My dad passed away at the age of 19 and I think I have felt the loneliness of no one to talk to (my mom and I were not close) even more since then. I was married for 10 years and have 3 kids so we'll see how they end up... I believe they'll be close (even though though they are 14, 11, and 9 and fight like crazy now!!!!) when they get o;der.

I am now getting married to a man who has no children (and completely taken mine as his own) and are talking about another child. I go between complete terror of having my life in upheaval again and the absolute desire of wanting a small image of the man I love so much.

With only Blake... and how sweet he is and how good he would be with a sibling I would probably go for it.

Good luck my dear!

Greta

Becky said...

As someone who wasn't an only child but now is - I say don't do it to Blake - Have another baby! Besides you seem like a kick-ass mom so it'd be a shame not to share more of you around.
Whatever you decide - enjoy!

Smug said...

I am the oldest and have both a sister and a brother. My sister and I are about 3 years apart and my brother and I are about 7 years apart. My sister has a son, and she and I are very close - best friends. I have almost no relationship with my brother. I don't think that spacing or age differences matter, personality's matter.

Don't have a another child to give Blake a sibling - the sibling friendship is a crap shoot. Have another child if you and boyfriend want another child. Blake will be in college before this new baby would be old enough to notice if there was a brother around and may feel like an only child him or herself.

I think that taking care of a new baby has to be the most important thing to you or all the stress might cause you to throw their crying ass into the wall! Parenting is tough, you need to really want to go through it!!

Crap - this was long!

Meg said...

I wasn't an only child, but my sibs were out of the house by the time I was 8, so there were many days of feeling like an only. I was so lonely. For that reason, I'm sure we'll have another child, but Blake will turn out just fine if you don't want another.

Issas Crazy World said...

I told you ages ago you should ahve one more. You and boyfriend would have beautiful babies. Have loads o babies. ;)

So um HI! Waves! It's been a long time since I'd been by to visit...but today I started my blog again. But it's good to see you, it's been too long. Have a blast at BlogHer.

Issa

Loren said...

Hey Jennster, this post hit home to me! This is exactly how I feel. I also just have one boy and he's turning 8... I undertand you 100%!!!

ThatGirl said...

I have 4 and want more -- but if 1 is perfect for you, then you're done. every family is its own, and if your son has lots of friends and outside interests, that may be enough for him?