dearest brother from the same mother,
i realize that you like to call me lots to gossip and talk about these totally awesome big boobied chicks you are dating (which is hilarious by the way), but you have to cut me some slack. i know you somehow think that i am intentionally not answering the phone when you call.... as if i look at the phone and go, "omg, it's my brother. HIDE!!!! wait. don't hide. RUNNNN! no wait. he can't see me. just don't pickup the phone. yes! brilliant!!!!" no matter how many times everyone in our family tells your crazy ass that i am so busy at work, work late almost everynight, am running around like a pyscho for blake's baseball and working on this new dumb house that needs lots of tlc, etc... you somehow think i am conspiring against you and your phone calls. please... for the love of my sanity (what little of it there is left).. stop taking my non answering ways personal. k? really. it's not like i don't call you back ever! i love you and want to talk to you- just not when i can't actually hold a conversation with you. i know, i'm a total bitch. :)
your phone hating sister
dear boyfriend (aka husband),
when you tell me that it's "totally hot" that i'm working late and it "turns you on," please don't expect me to be turned on when i get home. i'm fucking tired. and not to mention, hungry.
your wife who doesn't like working late dammit
dear lady who birthed me,
i figured that since certain people cannot call you by your proper (not to mention legal) name, i wouldn't either. you will no longer be called "mom." from now on, you will be referred to as the "lady who birthed me" or the "chick who spit me out."
the one who was spat
dear gossip girl,
you stole xoxo from me and it's starting to piss me off. i expect royalties.
the one who knows that josh schwartz can't think up anything on his own, yet takes credit for it all. christmakah ring a bell?