blake punched one of his teammates at last nights game.
a little backstory first. this particular kid pesters blake (and the rest of the team) consistantly. when i say pester, i mean that he slaps blake in the face, slaps him upside the head, calls him a "bitch," and i think he has pushed him (or maybe he pushed another kid). blake has asked him repeatedly to stop. boyfriend has told this kid on 3 seperate occassions that he can recall, not to touch blake. so last night, blake finally had enough. this kid lightly slapped blake in the face and blake did nothing. but apparently he came back and did it again, and blake reacted. he punched him in the stomach.
if you're wondering if blake's in trouble or not, he's not. we had talked to him about this situation prior. we knew that eventually something like this was going to happen. it's so hard, because it's such a fine line when teaching your child the difference between being man enough to walk away, and standing up for yourself (and knowing when to do either). but we pretty much told him that he has given this kid enough warnings. he's told him plenty of times that he doesn't like being touched in the face, not to call him names, etc. he knew he wouldn't be in trouble for doing this. and he's not.
but here's where the mom in me just aches for my son. he said that when he first hit the kid, he felt so bad. he said he felt bad for himself. like he shouldn't have done it, but that he totally reacted and that's what happened (he said that he had intended to just shove him, but that he hit him instead). then after a little bit, he said he felt justified in doing it. that the kid deserved it. and he felt okay with his actions. but then a little more time passed. and he was really upset. he didn't like the way it felt to hurt someone physically. he knows why he did it, but it didn't make him feel good inside. he especially didn't like thinking that his other teammates would think he was a bully, or be scared of him, or think he's a bad person.
so we talked last night. and we talked some more this morning. and it's just so hard. and i told him that. i told him that it's hard to know what to do in situations, but this is how we learn. now you know what it's like to be pushed to a point where you've simply had enough and you lash out. you know what it's like to feel bad for your actions. and you're learning what it's like to have other people "judge" you for the things you do (ie, his teammates). it's all part of growing up and learning. i told him that even i still learn, and that i shouldn't have yelled at the kids older brother (another story for another time). that i absolutely could have talked to the brother and said what i said, but i should have done it differently. i should have said it in a different tone and not yelled and that i owe that kid an apology for the WAY i said things- not what i said, cause i meant what i said, but HOW i said it.
i just ache for him. i don't want blake to only remember how badly he feels for hurting this kid and continue to get walked all over by other kids. i still want him to defend himself and stand up for himself and not allow himself to get pushed around. i don't know- it's a learning experience for all of us... it's just really hard.