i was reading my hometown paper the other day (online) when i came across this article about this terrible car accident on PCH. this high school kid made a dumb decision (or two), and paid the ultimate price.
of course, me being the completely psychotic freak that i am, found his myspace online. and i found myself consumed in all the comments his friends were leaving him. total shock. disbelief. begging for it to not be true. the heartache. the heartbreak. the sadness. the cyber tears, hugs, hearts. it was overwhelming.
i still check his myspace daily. i'm curious. i'm curious what his friends are saying... if they're saying anything at all. i feel their sadness. i grieve with them for this boy. and everytime i visit his page, i seriously trip the fuck out. his page is like this moment frozen in time. his last login date (4/8/2008) will forever be memorialized. because he logged on that day, and died that night. the last picture of himself that he put up will forever be there. that small little snowboard on that big huge mountain with an even bigger sky. the song he put on his page that starts playing the moment you get there. his one blog post. his top 8 friends. the way he describes himself and his likes/dislikes. and his mood. it just all sits there. never to be updated again. never to see a change in the "last login date." forever 4/8/2008. his mood will forever be "jedi." whatever the hell that means... not that it matters. it just really trips me out everytime i go there and everything is exactly the same as it was. that date. that 4/8/2008 just stares at me. or maybe i'm staring at it.
the saddest part of it all? i don't know if these kids have even learned a thing. i know how horrified and saddened they are. i know how badly they wish it was all different and their friend was still here. but their myspace pictures are filled with them drinking and partying and all kinds of talk about smoking pot. even since after this accident. i always think, "do their parents know their myspace pages look like this? would this shock them if they saw these pics?" i don't know. maybe high school kids have always been drinking and smoking pot?? maybe it's just because there was no myspace or facebook back then. maybe if there was, the pictures would look the same. different clothes and hairstyles, but the same premise? i don't have the answer. but i do have an almost 10 year old son and i will tell you that the things i see on some of the teen myspace pages out there, scare the living shit out of me. truly.