Monday, July 30, 2007
we got preapproved for a home loan on saturday morning and by saturday evening we were out scouting neighborhoods and looking at houses.
of course i was an emotional wreck the whole day thinking that blake would not want to move again. the thought of hurting my child literally causes me pain that i cannot even begin to describe. and i kept imagining him being so torn up about it, that i could barely breath. saturday was full of emotional breakdowns by yours truly.
it's just that the last thing i want to do as a mother is make decisions that aren't the best ones for my child. so boyfriend and i decided that we would involve him in the decision. see if moving to the next town north would be okay with him. of course this means new everything (school, baseball, daycare, doctors, dentist, neighborhood, friends, etc). and of course i think we were both prepared for him to freak out, be upset, cry, and say he didn't want to move. and if that happened, we were going to really have to talk about if moving was the right thing for us or not. ideally, we would stay in the same town. but realistically, we can't afford it. and we can afford a really nice place in the next town north. and i honestly think i like that city better. it's bigger and has more to do. it allows for growth where this place doesn't. plus we could have a HOUSE! a house! which is almost too much fun to really even think about!!!!!
so when blake got home, we talked to him about it. he didn't even blink before giving us a thumbs UP sign (which he has been doing all the time lately. everything is either a thumbs up or a thumbs down and i pretty much want to kill whoever taught him this lame shit). he said that he "didn't care" if we moved and that he wanted to move and it was cool! talk about a weight being lifted!!!! I LOVE THIS KID!
it's scary though. and i know that everyone tells me the same thing- you just make it work. and i get that, i really do. but when you write down numbers on paper and those numbers are supposed to be numbers you can afford, it just doesn't seem right. i immediately freak out and think "we don't bring home that much extra a month to afford that kind of mortgage!" it's freaky. and overwhelming. and boyfriend and i both walked out of our preapproval meeting with headaches. all the jargon is like listening to people speak in french. i feel like i just cocked my head to the side and smiled like a nice little english speaking girl... all the while wondering "what the hell did she just say? what the fuck is she talking about?" the whole financing lingo is beyond me. just give me money i can truly afford. and don't give me more than that. you know?
for as scary as it all is, it's really really really exciting!
ps- we are apparently poster children for credit scores.
pss- guess who has the better credit score?
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
but ever since i've returned from my honeymoon, SOMEONE HAS TAKEN MY SPOT! no matter how early i try to get to work, the damn car is already here!!!!! it pisses me off. and to make it worse, i don't know whose car it is, so i can't say anything to them. you know like, "stop parking in my spot ...." and then grumble and groan and make sounds that will scare them out of my spot forever!
every morning i imagine seeing the car on the road.... .and then i have this whole race to the parking spot play out in my head. only the other car doesn't really play along because they don't even know i'm mad. but i know! so i race them and they just look at me like i'm a crazy person and then i beat them and take MY spot back!
yep, totally normal.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
why is it that after i bust my ass i seem to insist on enlarging it?
is there a logical explanation for feening for salt after a good workout? if so, please tell me what the hell it is.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
i want there to be:
- some boob grabbing (for me)...
- some booty fondling (for me)...
- some fun and yummy shots (for me).. (omg, remember that yahootini drink? it was SOOOOOO freaking good!!!!)
- some wild and crazy adventure where you put the pregnant chick in the back seat and you peel out of the parking lot like some 17 year old loon who just got her drivers license (for me)...
- and lots of good times, great conversation and amazing company (for all of you).
now that it's almost here and so many of you are getting ready to go, it's a little bit sad for me that i won't be there. i can't really put into words how amazing last year's conference was, but i'm so thankful i got to experience it. so for all of you who are going for your first time ever this year- have a blast! truly enjoy it! and don't be surprised when you suffer from a weird sort of depression upon your return... it's totally normal. we all went through it last year. wish i could be there. wish i could molest all of you in person. but hey... there's always next year! HAVE SO MUCH FUN EVERYONE! can't wait to see your pictures!
Monday, July 23, 2007
so in this month, i've gained 5 pounds. and yes, i blame the honeymoon (you try to eat 4 full course meals for 8 days and see how much weight you gain!!!). but what's my excuse now?! i mean, we've been back for 2 weeks and the weight is just hanging around! is this how married life is going to be?? must commense starving myself after marriage, phase one immediately. *throws up breakfast*
i also forgot to order my dang pills. yes, THOSE ones. they had better come in the mail today or it's going to be one very interesting month. or one very crabby, don't touch me, keep that thing away from meeeeee, month.
and of course, to go along with all things marriage, i kind of want a house. kind of. there will be a part of my heart that breaks the day we sign papers on a house up here and it's not a house in southern cali. i wish the housing market wasn't so fucking awful in this state, and that way we could have TWO!!! my ideal dream would be to have a house up here, and a house in my hometown. it would so rock to have a house down there to stay in everytime we visit. and then maybe we'd visit more. or make more of an effort anyway. i'm super super homesick lately and i can't really even start or i'm going to lose it and cry. *cries*
Friday, July 20, 2007
yet, all the time, people just dump their last names and use new ones. seriously. girls all over the world do it everyday. and probably don't even think twice about it. why is that?! not really why don't they think twice about it, but why is it so hard for me? how come to so many other people it's no big deal at all to take on a new name? why is it such a big deal for me?
maybe part of it is because i love my name. it's who i am. i identify with it. (dur, i know). but it's the only name i've ever known. and IT'S MEEEEEEEEEEE! it's MY name. i am jenn lastname. and now i am jenn lastname-newlastname. it's just weird. it's just different. and will i ever really introduce myself to people as jenn lastname-newlastname? cause that just seems even weirder. honestly. i feel like i'll always just be jenn lastname. i mean, that's who i am dammit. and i earned it. i've made that name what it is. which is nothing really, but it's still me. and maybe that's just it. maybe i feel that by changing my last name, i'm losing a part of who i am. or who i am is changing. and i like who i am. and i'm not always good with change.
i know this is ridiculous i'm sure. i know i must sound like an idiot, but i just left the social security office to add the new last name onto the old last name and i'm just a little sad about it is all. and it's not like men can relate. they don't have to ditch their identities when they get married. so they have no idea what it feels like to suddenly have to take on this new name.
i don't know. did you change your last name? did you even care? would you change your last name? would you not change? would you hyphenate?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
this is week three. WEEK THREE!!!!!
normally he wouldn't be there this long, but he is at a baseball camp this week. it totally sucks. i miss him so much. i just want to see him. i know that i'm going to freak out when he comes home on friday. he's going to look huge and old and i'm going want to smother him and he's going to want space. i'm going to force him to hug me for like 5 hours and he's going to be like "get off me maaaahhhhhhhm!!!" and he'll make me feel like he didn't miss me at all. *sighs*
i enjoy my time away from blake when it's in small spurts. and tiny chunks of time. but this is just too much. this is too long. it's not as fun when he's not around. he's so freaking funny and so fun to be with. he gives our house so much more life and so much more happiness. i love what he adds to our home. and it is noticeably absent when he is not here.
*wah* i want my kid back!!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
and the answer is...
we both feel the same. we both still laugh when we call eachother "wife" or "husband." and aside from banging our rings together and having wonder married powers, everything is pretty much the same.
so whenever anyone asks, we both respond with "nothing." but now that i think about it, that's not entirely true. for some reason, boyfriend has gotten mouthier since we got hitched. cockier. he pops off more. it's unbelievable really. i think i'll go beat him to keep him in line. be right back..
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
do you know what we walk around doing all the time now? we put our married fists together, touch rings and say "wonder married powers... ACTIVATE!! FORM.. " and then we say something after the form part. you know like,"form... a super powered sea turtle!!!" and then i'll pretend like i'm turning into a sea turtle and i'll make sea turtle noises. seriously. we do this. except for when boyfriend says the form part- he says nasty boy things. and then i don't form and he says i'm not playing right.
i never knew it was possible to become more of a freaking nerd, but apparently we find new heights to reach daily. YAY for us!
Monday, July 09, 2007
i mean, really. is that weird?
i think the main thing is that boyfriend and i do not lack alone, quality time together. we get plenty. every other weekend we don't have blake. so it's not like we have this longing to spend time alone with no one else around. we're definitely more the "WHERE ARE OUR FRIENDS?!?!?!" type of couple. so while the honeymoon was gorgeous, and amazing- we found ourselves wishing almost daily that we had some friends traveling with us. while it was so incredibly fun- we know that it would have been thirty times more fun with our friends. know what i mean?
thank the goddess that we met awesome couples there!! we really did too. we met some great locals that we spent TONS of time with- and we met some awesome couples on their honeymoons as well who were super fun and totally "our kind of people." :)