Thursday, November 29, 2007

i don't mean to be a downer

but divorce is truly an ugly thing. it brings out the worst in people. the mean parts. the nasty, bitter, greedy, evil parts. parts that otherwise people hide. or don't show. i'd like to say it brings out sides that don't normally exist- but can you truly show a side of yourself that isn't there otherwise? i don't think so. it's always in there somewhere... you don't just suddenly turn into someone you're not. i think we all have the ability to be many things- "it's the choices we make when we think no one's watching that truly define our character."

the fact that both my sister's and my mother's divorces have gone on for the past 3 years is nothing short of ridiculous. the fact the my father had my mother served with legal papers over the thanksgiving holiday, is nothing short of fucked up. i will never believe that the timing of that wasn't intentional. the fact that my ex brother in law served my sister with the most ridiculous legal papers ever last night, asking for an insane amount of money that she could never ever possibly have (when he has plenty of fucking money) is nothing short of greedy, malicious, and pathetic. how he even sleeps at night is beyond me.

the lengths to which people who once loved eachother go to hurt eachother- truly disgusts me. i can't stand seeing people i care about in so much pain. people who have had to deal with this bullshit on and off for the last 3 years, and we wonder why they're so beat down emotionally. can you imagine having to go through all of this turmoil for the length of 3 years? and knowing that it's only continuing and NOT getting better or going away? where the fuck is the light at the end of the tunnel for them? i feel bad that they have to go through this. i feel bad at how ugly it all is. and i just wish it was easier and simpler and whole lot less nasty. but i think people just truly lose sight of things when money is involved. and people turn into greedy fuckfaces who don't see the reality of situations. nevermind the kids, or what is best for them- let's just make sure we can financially fuck their mother so hard, she'll never see straight again. cause that's what really matters right?
revenge.
making her pay.
and then turning it all around so that you feel okay with your actions. vindicated. so your kids don't have a house to live in... as long as you feel justified, it's not really your problem right? cause it's all about you. and as long as your poor wittle feewings are intact, no one else matters. not even your kids- no matter how many times you try to say they matter- actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words.

and right now.. your actions tell me that you are spineless, poor excuse for a man. and the fact that my nephew has you as a role model makes me want to vomit. i can only hope he grows up to be nothing like you.

12 comments:

Karen said...

I am a divorce lawyer. It is miserable to see people be nasty and petty while fighting over THINGS and MONEY. In all honestly, we lawyers secretly laugh at those type of clients and count the dollar signs when they get emotional.

But it does break my cold, hard, lawyer heart when you see the kids getting torn up or used as pawns. That is the thing that sometimes keeps me up at night.

Jill said...

It happens that way with death of a loved one too. The worst comes out and people you thought you knew the claws come out and you feel like you have been through a shredder. Same is true for divorce. People just seem want to stick it to the other person and it is the kids that suffer mentally for the rest of their lives.

My best friend is going through something like this with her Dad who never seemed to give a damn about her until he is not dying from drinking to much and now he wants to make amends. She is MORE than confused!

I have decided that people are just really into self gratification and don't care who they fuck up in the process. To what end people, I mean really!

Alison said...

First, your nephew is an absolute angel of a young man and he is nothing like you-know-who. I can tell by the few times I've been around him that he is sensitive and caring and he knows how to treat women---he is such a sweetheart when it comes to your sister. So, don't worry about him growing up to be like the asshole. He's a little gentleman and your sister did a wonderful job of raising him (and your niece too).

Second, why is he trying to get money from your sister? She's the one raising the kids and seeing that they have food and clothing and getting them to school each day. What the hell does he do? If anyone should be asking for money, it's your sister and your ex brother-in-law should be paying up. What an ass!

Hopefully it's true about karma and what comes around really does go around. Someday he'll get his. In the meantime, he HAS to feel like a jerk. How could he not?

Big Pumpkin said...

I'm sorry that you are all going through this. *hug*

Starshine said...

I'm sorry that your family is going through such a tough season right now. Divorce is so hard.

carrie said...

You're right, divorce is an ugly thing and I'm sorry that your nephew is going through this right now.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your sister fucked another guy? And her husband is mad? Just a thought....

jennster said...

anon- she didn't. BUT EVEN IF SHE DID- that is kind of my point. when kids are involved, it should be about making sure they are taken care of- not trying to get revenge. it should be about helping your kids, not hurting them more.
it's not about the right to be mad or not. in your scenario, the husband would have every right to be mad. pissed even (and i think my brother in law has every right to be hurt and upset in the situation with my sister)... BUT when does that become the focus and the center to which all decisions are based upon? i mean, i get it. be mad. BUT TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS. and realize that every thing you do their mom to get your "revenge" and make yourself feel better only hurts the children you're supposed to help.

Badness Jones said...

And it doesn't have to be like that...I never heard my dad (or my mom) say a single bad word against his first wife, my older siblings (I never say half) were always welcome in both houses....and when she used to come up from down east Pat (dad's ex) used to call and take me out to lunch....

Love is hard and it sometimes fades, but people treating those they used to love in ways they wouldn't even treat strangers....sick. I'm sorry that your family is hurting.

Grim Reality Girl said...

jen -- thanks for expressing it so well! I'm living the horror with my best friend right now. Her soon to be ex is telling the kids that "mommy is mean and wants to keep you away from me." Hello? Where the hell has he been in their lives the last 5 years? Thanks for rewriting history.

It sucks when people can't at least spare the kids from the warfare. I'm glad my friend is taking the high road despite the fact is is lower than low. May your sister rise above and may the kids be happy despite a sucky daddy. One great parent can make up for another bad one.... at least that is what I hope!

Hang in there! Prayers are going up for all involved.

Theresa said...

I'm a divorce paralegal. It is my main objective to stop the type of crap that you are witnessing. I have actually screamed at my clients for not paying their child support or talking on the phone to me in the presence of their children.

Even when it gets as bad as your family, I still try to explain to my clients that if they are the one to stop reacting in kind to the other, you will win because you will have peace and, more importantly, so will your children.

The bitterness I see keeps me up at night too.

megaland said...

Oh Jennster. I am so sorry to hear that you're STILL going through all this. What a shitty ordeal for you, your sis and your mom. I hate to admit, but I am going through this myself. My Dad left my Mom on their 22nd Anniversary this past July...via email, of all things. He is being such an ass and a half. I understand that my mom was such a hard person to deal with (trust me, I KNOW) but she still doesn't deserve half the shit he's doing to her now. Plus the fact that my brother has to go through all this too (he's still living in the house...he's 17). It just breaks my heart that my Dad can be so vindictive and that all he cares about is himself. My mom has lost 50 lbs just from all the stress & depression. So unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's such a shitty thing to go through. I don't understand either why divorce gets so ugly. I don't understand why people just can't leave and let it be, instead of putting salt on the wounds over and over again. I don't get it! It sucks seeing people we love go through so much pain and agony...