Tuesday, September 11, 2007

on this day of 9.11

i still haven't forgotten. and i find it almost impossible for me to live through this day without talking about it... writing about it... remembering it.

and sometimes i feel like i'm the only one. like i'm the only person who can't "get past it." like everyone else carries on with this day as if it's just like any other. and i want to scream how NOTHING ABOUT TODAY IS LIKE ANY OTHER! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?!?! HOW COULD YOU FORGET? HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?? HOW CAN IT NOT AFFECT YOU ANYMORE?! it seems like so many people have truly forgotton what today is until they are reminded of it. and even then, they can shrug their shoulders as if it's nothing and carry on. i can't do that. i can't shrug my shoulders as if it meant nothing and carry on. and i hope i'm never able to. i hope i'm never that unaffected.

so today, six years later... i haven't forgotten. the pain is still real. my heart still aches. i still can't watch a single fucking thing about 9/11 without my eyes welling up with tears. i still find myself gasping for air when certain images are shown. i am still very aware of how my chest hurts to breathe, or how i'm simply not breathing at all. i feel it all. so much. and it still hurts. and i don't understand how it doesn't hurt for everyone.... if even for just one day.

last year i remembered sal calabro. this year, we can remember him again.

11 comments:

Starshine said...

I just read the tribute you wrote for Sal last year, and I'm a teary mess. What a wonderful hero! And what a touching poem written by his wife.

I understand what you mean about how the world has moved on. It is so hard. We want to heal and move forward, while still remembering the sheer terror our nation experienced that day. I think it is safe to say that while wounds do heal, there are still scars that serve as reminders...may we forgive but never forget!

Becky said...

i haven't forgotten. its still a very tragic day for me

Mike said...

You're not alone. We remember.

~JJ! said...

I remember all too well...It was too close for me not to.

We lost a firefighter friend that day too...

I'll never ever forget.

Phoenix said...

You're not alone. I remember and I always will. I actually did a post about it too.

By the way, your post from last year was awesome.

Jill said...

I don't think anyone has forgotten. Kev lost 3 firefighter friends this day. He is a mess today. Could have happened anywhere.

I sure Becky can relate to this as well, it used to be I didn't worry much about him at work and now I find it creeping into my thoughts on occasion the "what if"

For 20 years he never even drew his weapon but now......especially as he nears retirement, I do worry.

Today is a very special day for all of us for rememberance and for thanking our men and women who rush headlong into danger without regard for their own life or safety.

We will never forget!

RWA said...

Unfortunately, I think you're right. Some people have forgotten, and that is a tragedy in itself.

Becky said...

yes jill things like this totally make me think diff of matt being at work etc. youre right

carrie said...

I don't think I'll ever get over it and I remember your post from last year. It was a remarkable tribute to a remarkable man.

Thank you for not forgetting.

norcalgirl28 said...

Fortunately, I was not around people who "forgot". Everyone at the office was remembering. I was thinking of the horror my brother-in-law must have been feeling as he raced down the stairs of the South Tower BEFORE it got hit. The horror his wife must have felt as she turned on the television that morning JUST AS THE SOUTH TOWER WAS BEING HIT. Drew wore his NYPD shirt to school. I wore my "All gave some, some gave all" shirt to work. and no, NOONE said a thing about me wearing a t-shirt to work and they haven't any other year either. Drew said that everyone at school was in some sort of red, white and blue. He also commented on why the flags were at half mast yesterday. I'm sorry you were around people who didn't remember, I didn't find that to be the case where I went.

Andie said...

I haven't forgotten. It breaks my heart all the time, especially when I visit there now and seeing that big gaping hole where I once marveled at those two huge buildings...

but I'm also constantly distracted by the reminders of Katrina that surround me as well...