i still haven't forgotten. and i find it almost impossible for me to live through this day without talking about it... writing about it... remembering it.
and sometimes i feel like i'm the only one. like i'm the only person who can't "get past it." like everyone else carries on with this day as if it's just like any other. and i want to scream how NOTHING ABOUT TODAY IS LIKE ANY OTHER! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?!?! HOW COULD YOU FORGET? HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?? HOW CAN IT NOT AFFECT YOU ANYMORE?! it seems like so many people have truly forgotton what today is until they are reminded of it. and even then, they can shrug their shoulders as if it's nothing and carry on. i can't do that. i can't shrug my shoulders as if it meant nothing and carry on. and i hope i'm never able to. i hope i'm never that unaffected.
so today, six years later... i haven't forgotten. the pain is still real. my heart still aches. i still can't watch a single fucking thing about 9/11 without my eyes welling up with tears. i still find myself gasping for air when certain images are shown. i am still very aware of how my chest hurts to breathe, or how i'm simply not breathing at all. i feel it all. so much. and it still hurts. and i don't understand how it doesn't hurt for everyone.... if even for just one day.
last year i remembered sal calabro. this year, we can remember him again.