that i have officially reached the point of FREAK THE FUCK OUT-ness!!!!!
no, i'm not nervous. and this has absolutely nothing to do with cold feet, or the actual getting married to one weiner for the rest of my life.. i'm just freaking out. the amount of things that need to be done, and checked off, and put together, etc and so forth, just swirl around in my head. constantly. it doesn't help that our stupid coordinator who has completely ignored me for over a year, is suddenly inundating me with emails and phone calls and freaking 10 page contracts to look over and approve. i'm like, "YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS WITH ME MONTHS AGO?!?!?!" cause she had all the information she is just now putting together at least 6 months ago!!!! i don't like doing things at the last minute, so this shit pisses me off. and adds to the FREAK OUT!!!
poor boyfriend- he turned to me in this morning and was like, "5 days til we get married!" and i snapped back, "oh that was cute a month ago. it's not cute anymore. i am so freaked out about shit, that i don't need you reminding me that i have no time left to do things that still need to get done at the start of each day!!!!" i'm surprised he didn't call the whole thing off. i must be a fucking joy to live with. he does make fun of the fact that for over 2 years i've been completely (well somewhat) normal- and NOW i'm losing it. he has mentioned medicating me. great.
yes. apparently now, i am going to lose it.
we haven't talked to our dj. not even once. i.am.freaking.out. i just have lots to do. and my head can only hold so much information before it explodes and makes a mess all over the place. i promise y'all that i'll be perfectly fine on saturday. because by then i simply won't give a shit anymore- it will be too late. but for now- yes, i fully intend on losing it. and i'm well on my way.