Thursday, June 14, 2007

humbled..

by you.

first of all, i just have to say thank you so much to each and every one of you who commented or emailed me in regards to my last post. so many of your comments were so well thought out, supportive, and kind. i love it when you guys tell me how you can relate. i love hearing your stories! so thank you again. i truly appreciate every single comment, even the ones i don't agree with. i honestly can't tell y'all enough just how much it means to me that you read what i write, and that you respond. i mean, your comments aren't little chinsy ones either- they are LONG, meaningful and honest. i know i'm just repeated myself in various ways here... but i just want you to know that i never take you for granted.... and just how much i truly and sincerely appreciate everything and all of you. you really are the best.

lastly, i just want to touch on things a tad bit more. blake walking me down the aisle is the most natural thing for me. i want blake to feel like he is a part of this day. i don't want him to feel left out, or feel like this day has nothing to do with him. so him walking me down the aisle is beyond perfect in my mind. and i'm not being "given away"... i'm being "shared." we are wording it so that it will say something about sharing me with boyfriend and blake will have to concur. it really doesn't get any sweeter than that, does it?

and jaymonster- while your comment was the one single comment that made me cringe inside, i realize that i hated it so much because it just might be how my dad feels. i can only assume that he's as offended/insulted as you say any father would be. i didn't intend to insult him with my decision, but i can see how he would be insulted. the part about the whispering though- i really think that if he DID walk me down the aisle, that's when the whispering would begin. not that i would care either way. you see my decision isn't about anyone else's opinion or feelings. it's about what i feel is best, and really, sincerely, true to myself. and having him walk me down as if we have a great relationship and he has every right to be doing that, just isn't how i feel anymore. also, i don't want people to think blake is walking me down the aisle because my dad isn't there. i want them to know that i CHOSE blake and that i WANTED blake to walk me down the aisle. i still think it sucks that my dad can't get past that part and at least attend the wedding of his daughter, but what can you do, right? i think DDM has a very valid point when she talks about it being an excuse. that he doesn't want to face people. because i definitely think that's true. when it comes to this kind of controversy, i've learned that he is a runner. he doesn't stand strong and tall and face the music- he runs away and pretends it doesn't exist. and the bottom line is, it's not really my problem. i'm not the one who will look back on this and feel bad that he didn't come. i mean, i will always know that he CHOSE to not attend. and no matter how he twists it or turns it, that choice will never be my "fault."

17 comments:

CAT said...

I can tell when you write something from your heart you mean it. You've thought it over, made sense of it and it isn't some rash decision. I think you are a strong beautiful person with grounded morals. You know when something is your fault and when it isn't and you know not to dwell on it.
I wonder......if your dad hadn't done what he did---and you were getting married now-would he be walking you, or would you still want Blake to "share" you with Dot? ya know? Because I think even if Dad hadn't done what he did and you still chose for Blake to be the one escorting you down----to me, it would be the most natural beautiful thing. I say that because I know from experience of being a single mom getting married to a great Chris---
I hope one day your Dad sees it as the beutiful thing that it is between Dot, Blake and yourself. I will cry my eyes out cause well....to me it will be so touching that I wont be able to contain myself lol

sam said...

Oh Jennster! Another great post.

I agree that this will NEVER be your fault. Your dad's an adult and for him to chose not to come to his daughter's wedding is something that HE's going to have to live with for the rest of his life.
I could see how it may be insulting. But this is something he can NEVER take back. He can't get your wedding day back. No one can. He needs to realize that and be there for his daughter - regardless if he agrees with your decision or not. That's what parents do.

I'm sure it's going to be a gloriously fabulous day and you're going to be a stunning bride (even if your dress is a little hacked up).

Becky said...

no it wont ever be your fault. thats all on him. love you and i can't wait to see you in a week! youre fabulous and dont worry about your dad not being there because the whole weekend is going to be fantastic! xoxoxoxo

Karen Rani said...

I was thinking about this last night...and of course you need to decide what is right for you, but my dad was on one arm and my best friend's dad was on the other when I walked down the aisle.
My Dad and I always had an on and off relationship and my best friend's family took me in when I was 14. It was only natural that I called her parents Mom and Dad, (I'd known them a long time and still call them Mom and Dad to this day).
Enough rambling (I blame cough syrup - ha ha.) My point is, would you consider both Blake and Dad, one on either side?
I hope that whatever happens, that it all works out for you. :)
xoxo

Stephanie A. said...

I agree with DDM, too. My cousin got married a few weeks ago and her groom's dad, at the very last freaking moment (day before) decided that he didn't want to come to the wedding. He actually said that he was afraid that people would be whispering about him (the groom's parents went through a horrid divorce apparently).

The funny thing is that most of our family and most guests didn't know they were even divorced and wouldn't have thought a thing about it if he had come. Instead, we ended up whispering about what a jackass he was for not being man enough to take it for a day to see his son get married. If he had been there we wouldn't have learned about how horrible the divorce was.

Sometimes, people, it isn't all about you. Sheesh.

But you, you will be the sexiest bride ever, not at all like a princess, and the day will rock and you, boyfriend and blake will look back on it often.

Phoenix said...

I agree with Cat on this one. And Becky and Sam...It's not your fault at all. And it's his loss if he can't understand it.

I think you choosing to share your moment with Blake is an awesome thing. One of the things that people tend to forget is that a wedding, while for others in a sense, is mostly for you and whomever your marrying. So you should do it how you want. And whenever it is, I hope it's a beautiful wonderful amazing memorable day for you, Boyfriend and Blake.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Hugs. To you, Boyfriend and Blake...You make one very special family!!!!

Alison said...

He is hurt and even though he did a stupid thing, I feel bad for him. BUT, you have made the right decision. He needs to accept that this day is about you, Blake, and Boyfriend becoming a family. Like everyone else who will be there, he's there to show his support of this beautiful event. I hope he will change his mind and come.

Jill said...

This is why I started to read your blog, it is true and from the heart and you are a straight shooter Jenn.

I may well switch over to this forum myself because my space....well in a word sucks!

Your day will be so beautiful because of the people in it. Special people and you will have a special life and all the things that come now and in the future.

Since we all can't be there lots of pictures please.

Being a fellow Virgo I know what your going through. I thought I was going to drive myself and everyone else crazy before the wedding. FINALLY on the last day my best friend looks at me and said, "its going to be the way its going to be in spite of you fiddling with it, let it go Jill or I am going to kill your ass!" At which point I did and it was all just fine.......lol!

The inner workings of a Virgo mind!
Heheheh maybe people should be scared......lol!

Jen said...

of course there HAS to be some sort of drama. I missed the last post, then I read it. I think it's wonderful that Blake is walking you down the aisle. He will be the one 'sharing" you right? Your dad is an adult, and he needs to be adult enough to understand his place right now. I think your son walking you down the aisle is also the most natural thing ever.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry to hear this Jenn. That really sucks on your dad's part. I'm angry at the guy FOR You.

It is YOUR day -- not your dad's. And honestly, if he's going to not come? It shows how self-centered he is. YOUR day should not be about him. But I hope it reinforces how you've made the right decision in choosing Blake.

If I don't get to "visit" your site before the big day, please know I'm thinking of you and wishing you an abundance of happiness and love.

Meg said...

Oh Ster, I didn't read the last 2 posts until today, but I wish I could have been around earlier to give you my comfort (for what it's worth). First of all, I think that Blake's part in the wedding is beautiful. For a long time, he's been the man in your life, so it's only fitting for him to share you with Boyfriend. I understand how your father could get his feelings hurt, but to take it this far is a little ridiculous. But don't let him ruin your day. Just enjoy yourself and he can lick his wounds at home. He might come around one day, but even if he doesn't, know that you did what worked best for you.

Now hurry and get married so I can see pictures!

SUEB0B said...

One of my male friends said that it KILLED him when his stepdaughter, whom he had raised from the age of 2, wanted her absentee cacahead dad to walk her down the aisle instead of him. But he had the good grace to shut up about it. Instead, she danced the first dance with him - to "The Wind Beneath My Wings." That STILL makes me tear up to think about it.

carrie said...

Hang in there!

Carrie

RWA said...

You are exactly right. You made a decision, and that's what you want.

No matter how anybody wants to spin it, it is not, and never will be, your fault.

jennster said...

hey karen.. just wanted to answer your question.. no. LOL.. but no, i don't want both of them to walk me down the aisle. that was the plan before everything happened with my dad- i mean, back before i was even engaged or in love, i assumed that that was what i would do when the day came around. but honestly, who knows what i would have done. but for me now, it's not an option i'm considering because i honestly don't feel right about it.

sending hugs said...

I couldn't agree more. I'm so sorry that your Dad is acting this way. He is certainly entitled to feel hurt. But his decision to not come to your wedding truly is HIS choice...not your fault. And what bothers me most about his choice not to come is that I feel he is using his absence to punish you. That doesn't feel like unconditional love to me, and I'm sorry.

Is there any way you could write your Dad back? Some kind of a response explaining your reasons and stating how very much his presence would mean to you? I find that when I am too upset to talk to someone who has hurt me deeply, writing a letter is a better way for me to express myself because my feelings aren't as likely to escalate.

hugs