Monday, June 11, 2007

have a kid, lose your self?

there was a time when i would have done anything i needed to, to get on the air (think radio dj). it was a time when i only had to worry about myself and no one else. did i have to pay my dues? hell yes. work 12 hours for no pay as an intern? been there, done that. 6 days a week of work, plus a real job? check and check. work overnights just to get experience? without blinking an eye. i would have done anything if it meant that i would get on air time on a radio station.

but then i had blake. and all of a sudden, the one thing career wise that meant the most to me, suddenly wasn't a priority. it didn't mean that i wanted to be a radio personality any less. it just meant that i wasn't willing to do whatever it took to be one anymore. it made me prioritize. the thought of working my ass off and not being around just didn't appeal to me. last time i checked, radio was still playing music on christmas day... and every other day of the year.

having a child changed my focus. things that i wanted for ME, weren't always worth it anymore. the result wasn't worth it. to be clear, my life doesn't revolve around blake. i still do things for me (but they aren't at a cost to him). i like to think that i'm pretty balanced. i'm not one of those moms who can't see past their child. i haven't completely lost who i am in my kid. i still have a firm grasp on me..... while still not letting go of him. and most importantly, i'm happy. i think i'm a good mom, and a good person. i like my balance.

a co-worker of mine recently had her first baby. and i'm hoping she will finally be able to see what she never could before. that not going after your goals because you have new ones, does not make you a weak female. it doesn't make you a quitter. it doesn't mean you're pathetic. and it definitely isn't a reason to look down upon someone. there comes a point when things are purely selfish. and i think once you become a mom, you don't get to be that selfish. not entirely. there is such thing as healthy selfish- and that's where you find your balance. i guess it's all a matter of perspective.

9 comments:

Stephanie A. said...

You know, I never knew if I wanted kids, but I did set aside my 20's for me to be selfish and follow dreams and yammer on about said dreams. Now in my 30's I'm finding that I don't have to abandon those dreams, but I do have to re-frame them a little and you know what- I'm fine with that. After all, what fit at 22 doesn't really fit me now at 31 and I don't even think that's because I'm a mom. I'm always a work in progress, but the dreaming and the chasing, no matter what, will continue.

Assertagirl said...

I'm 30 and don't plan to have kids, but I would NEVER judge another woman for changing her priorities because she decided to become a mother. I celebrate my friends and their amazing ability to be mothers and wives and have careers. That's the whole point, isn't it, to have the freedom to make those decisions, and to respect one another's choices?

Lisa Fine Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

well said!!!

Lisa

M said...

Cheers to you! As a childless 31 yr. old, but hoping to get pregnant in the next year, I'm through with being selfish, as is my husband. We both have so much to offer a child and can hardly wait to start on a new journey. Just because it's a new journey or life path, doesn't mean dreams die. In some aspects, it puts them a little further out of reach for a bit depending on finances and what not, but they never ever go away.

RWA said...

You are exactly right. It's all about perspective - and balance.

Sounds like you've got it balanced pretty well and in the right perspective.

Becky said...

could not agree with you more. i feel that i'm the same way as a mom/wife/woman/friend etc.

spidey said...

I'm interested to see how things change for me once I have the baby. :)

Shannon said...

I have a tough time with balance because I tend to get consumed by whatever is inspiring me at the moment. If I really want to work on a project, my kids/husband/housework, etc feel like an annoyance. It's so nice to read someone who is not bitching about how hard it is to find balance - you've given me some perspective. :-)

Elizabeth said...

You are definitely a good Mom and a good person! You have not "lost" who you are as Jennster just because you are also Blake's Mom. And that's not always easy to do! He's a lucky kid :)