there was a time when i would have done anything i needed to, to get on the air (think radio dj). it was a time when i only had to worry about myself and no one else. did i have to pay my dues? hell yes. work 12 hours for no pay as an intern? been there, done that. 6 days a week of work, plus a real job? check and check. work overnights just to get experience? without blinking an eye. i would have done anything if it meant that i would get on air time on a radio station.
but then i had blake. and all of a sudden, the one thing career wise that meant the most to me, suddenly wasn't a priority. it didn't mean that i wanted to be a radio personality any less. it just meant that i wasn't willing to do whatever it took to be one anymore. it made me prioritize. the thought of working my ass off and not being around just didn't appeal to me. last time i checked, radio was still playing music on christmas day... and every other day of the year.
having a child changed my focus. things that i wanted for ME, weren't always worth it anymore. the result wasn't worth it. to be clear, my life doesn't revolve around blake. i still do things for me (but they aren't at a cost to him). i like to think that i'm pretty balanced. i'm not one of those moms who can't see past their child. i haven't completely lost who i am in my kid. i still have a firm grasp on me..... while still not letting go of him. and most importantly, i'm happy. i think i'm a good mom, and a good person. i like my balance.
a co-worker of mine recently had her first baby. and i'm hoping she will finally be able to see what she never could before. that not going after your goals because you have new ones, does not make you a weak female. it doesn't make you a quitter. it doesn't mean you're pathetic. and it definitely isn't a reason to look down upon someone. there comes a point when things are purely selfish. and i think once you become a mom, you don't get to be that selfish. not entirely. there is such thing as healthy selfish- and that's where you find your balance. i guess it's all a matter of perspective.