i've had this post written for DAYS, but was just waiting for the right time to post it...
in the wake of virginia tech, i want to talk about some people that no one really talks about.. well, unless it's to place blame, point fingers and burn at the stake.
the killer's parents (and his family).
not all bad kids come from bad homes. not all assholes have asshole parents. can you imagine for one minute what it must be like to be those people? not only have you lost your own child, but your child is responsible for killing 32 others. does anyone feel bad for them? does anyone even ever think about them?
i think they totally get lost in the shuffle. no one grieves for or with them. no one talks about their loss or their devastation. they have to live with this, possibly even worse, than the "regular" victims families do. there is more guilt for them... more questions and even less answers. i can't even begin to imagine their pain. i can't even begin to imagine their personal horror and what they'll do to themselves in the months to come. and i definitely don't envy the position that they are now in. i'm sure they will question and beat themselves up for things they just couldn't have possibly predicted. everything even slightly "off" from the past will suddenly become a "sign." and it's not fair. because we can't be expected to read minds. even if we are the parent, sibling, or relative of the killer.
i felt the same way about the columbine killers parents. even though there were minimal signs of neglect, how well do you REALLY know your kids? i think that dylan and eric were masterminds of bullshit. they acted one way to and around their families, but were completely different to eachother and others. i don't think it's that hard to hide aspects of your personality if you want too. and can parents really be expected to know if their child is planning on going on a rampage? does having a problem child immediately mean they're going to kill people?
i guess i just feel bad that so many fingers get pointed at these people- as if they should have known intimitely what their son(s) were thinking and feeling and planning on doing. i think it's a lot of ask of anyone. and hindsight is always 20/20. i guess i just always remember that while the killer was a disturbed psycho, his family might not have been. and they are probably in more pain than any of us can even begin to fathom... and that makes my heart hurt for them.
i want to be clear that i am in no way sympathetic to the killer(s). i do not feel bad for them or whatever fucked up mental issues they had. i.don't.care. i don't want excuses for why they did this. shut the hell up about the bullying and teasing. get a freaking grip. everyone is teased. everyone is bullied. and they don't go kill people. i think the killers are pussies and pieces of shit. this is about the family they've left behind to pick up the pieces of their fucked up actions. the selfish way they've affected their families beyond comprehension. i am sympathetic to those left behind. those whose hearts are probably filled with more hurt than one could stand.