i have a good friend who is in a bad marriage. and i'm not looking for advice, really.. i think i'm just wondering out loud, literally- what it will take to make her leave? what is rock bottom, and god, does she have to hit it?
i think for the most part, everyone has been in a bad relationship at one point or another. and you usually know you're in it. i knew when i was in a bad one- but i also knew i didn't have the strength to leave... and stay gone. i hate who i was then and i look back at that period of time with disgust. i also vowed to never be that weak again. so i know what it's like to be in something you know isn't good, but you still don't leave it. what i don't know is what it's like to have that relationship be a marriage.
it just makes me sad. i don't want this for my friend. i want better for her. i assume she wants better for herself, but how do you leave? how do you pack up the kids and walk away? and what does it take to get you to that point? it's a vicious cycle that her and her husband are in. and it never changes. it doesn't get better for any length of time, and from the outside looking in, i don't think it ever will. literally, her husband would have to completely change who he is as a person. and how do you ask someone to do that?
i support her in whatever decisions she makes, but i also remind her that it doesn't have to be this way. that no, it's not normal to cry every single day. i try to let her know that she has options. and i also want her to look ahead 40 years..... and then look back- is this the life she wants to have lived? and also, what is she teaching her children? how do you teach your kids to do as mommy says, but definitely not as mommy does? how do you teach your kids that the relationship they live with everyday, is not the type they should choose for themselves? how do you teach them to not put up with certain behaviors that you put up with daily? HOW??
i know i can't save her. i know i can't do anything but be there for her. i know all of this. and i'm not trying to change her mind. i'm not trying to convince her to leave. i just want her to realize that life doesn't have to be this way. that a marriage does not mean the things her marriage has become. i'm just sad for her. and i feel like the light that used to shine in her, is gone. i feel like she's fading away. and that's the last thing i would ever want.