Wednesday, March 28, 2007

kids parties and rsvp'ing... or not

my friend is losing her mind. she's throwing a birthday party for her son and she hasn't heard back from almost everyone she's invited. the rsvp date has come and gone and still... not a word. of course she has to have a final headcount to the place, but not really knowing how many kids are going to show up, what should she tell them?

i tried to calm her down by letting her know she wasn't the only one who has experienced this problem. i remember almost every birthday party blake attended- the mother would tell me that no one rsvp'ed to her..... yet showed up anyway. (i was not one of them. i always rsvp because i rock like that. writing thank you cards is another story, but let's not go back there.) of course letting her know that people showed up without rsvp'ing didn't really calm her down.

so i ask you, my dearest blogland, what is your rsvp etiquette? do you call only if your kid can't make it? or do you ignore the invitation altogether if your kid can't make it? do you not call, yet still show up? what do you do?!?!

22 comments:

mothergoosemouse said...

I could go on for paragraphs about this topic, especially since I'm once again waiting for RSVPs for Tacy's birthday party.

I almost always RSVP. The only times that I haven't done so are the times that every single kid in the class was invited and my kid doesn't even KNOW the birthday boy or girl. And then I haven't done so because it has honestly slipped my mind.

However, I recently got my comeuppance, having found an unopened invite in my jacket pocket - from Tacy's BEST FRIEND - an entire month after the party. Not only did I not RSVP, we didn't even SHOW UP. I was MORTIFIED. And yes, all of this shouting is justified.

I wish more people would RSVP, but having made a terrible mistake myself, I'm much more likely to cut them some slack now.

SUEB0B said...

Fucking goddamn people and etiquette. You'd think the assholes came from another freaking planet.

RSVP means PLEASE RESPOND WHETHER THE HELL YOU ARE GOING TO BE THERE OR NOT, YOU WHORE.

Regrets only means ONLY CALL IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, YOU BITCH.

If you don't RSVP, you should be shut in a closet with a crust of dried bread when you arrive, since the hostess had no freaking way of knowing whether you would need a chair or a piece of cake or a swag bag.

I am hell on this stuff.

jeanie said...

I can't agree with you more, Jenn - it drives me insane!

Jeff a.k.a. TrojanGuy said...

I love to not RSVP to things and then show up to them anyways. Especially weddings...BWA HA HA HA HA!

Just kidding, I RSVP to things. And if I miss the RSVP date but think there still might be time, I call the person and let them know that I'm an idiot and missed the date but that if they still have room, I'd love to come. Unfortunately I procrastinate and can be scatter-brained sometimes, so that happens more often than it should with me. But I never, NEVER show up to something that required an RSVP and I didn't respond to. That's just rude.

Jenny said...

I have never been invited for anything nor thrown anything that needed rsvp'ing. My mommy took care of all that, but I was the one who always had to write the thank you's. It's a pain in the ass.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I am the worst rsvp-er ever. I get in so much trouble and yelled at and into fights..it's really bad. Sueb0b would friggin' hate me.

ali said...

i used to be a really awful rsvp'er. and then i made my child a birthday party at a party place and got harrassed evvery day for two weeks by then trying to find out a final number. i had to call everyone on the invite list who hadn't rsvp'ed.

now? i always rsvp. i learned my lesson!

Karen said...

I am a terrible RSVPer. I am busy and totally unorganized and I just suck. But my propensity to drop the ball in this area is legendary (among my friends), so near the end of the RSVP period, I usually get a call asking what my intentions are.

I know it is rude and I should be ostracized from the community, but we have flaws, no?

Becky said...

i always RSVP if they tell me to and i'm going. if i'm not going i dont say anything unless they tell me to call and let them knwo either way if i'm coming or going. but yeah totally with you- i hate when people dont rsvp!

texas math said...

I have never RSVP'd to anything in my life...even when my boss invited my family to his daughter's b-day party...

I know this is probably going to come back to bite me when we start throwing b-day parties and such for Kaci....and the irony is that I'm such an organized person...just moments ago I was cursing (not out loud) at how most of the people in my department don't update their calendars.

Eileen said...

RSVP-ing when asked to is just common courtesy. And that means saying whether you're going or not going. The host/hostess has enough on their hands worrying about party-planning. The last thing they need is to chase everyone around to see if they have a party to bother to be planned at all.

"Unorganized" people: I literally write in my calendar, "RSVP so-and-so's party by today at the latest." That way it doesn't "slip" my mind. Make it as important as your meetings and yoga class. Come on, people.

norcalgirl28 said...

Absolutely, positively RSVP!!!! It drives me crazy when I don't know how many goodie bags to make, how big of a cake to get, how many people to budget for if we are going bowling or something of that sort. Besides, when I RSVP I usually also ask if there is something special that the child would like, within my budget of course. I have scrambled at the last minute to get together a goodie bag for someone I didn't think was coming. Oh, and this is a whole other post, but may I add....when you RSVP I think it is absolutely considerate to let the hostess know if you are bringing any siblings OR IF YOU CAN BRING A SIBLING!!! Again, I cannot tell you how many times someone has brought along a sibling to a bowling party, or something like that and all of a sudden I am trying to dig up another plate, fork, piece of cake, etc. for the sibling who plops themselves down at the party table and expects food, cake, etc. Not to mention, if they are a few years older or younger, they expect a goodie bag and don't understand if they don't get one. Again...this is a whole 'nother post.

Loren said...

I always RSVP, specially if it's one of Adrian's little friend's from school. I call even if he's not going to go so I can say thank you. If I don't RSVP because I forgot or something, then that means I don't go.

alison said...

I cannot believe the number of people who don't RSVP in these comments alone. It is completely rude and inconsiderate and it's not just an "oops!" and I do hope it comes back to bite you all in the ass. Rude, rude, rude. For those of you that do RSVP, we all appreciate your consideration. You obviously have your shit together.

dcrmom said...

Oh, I'm feeling really awful now!! I don't usually rsvp if I'm NOT going. If I AM going, I definitely rsvp. But I get these things from kids in my son's class, and I don't know 'em from a hole in the ground, and I usually just don't respond. I'm a jerk. I never much thought about it before your post. I'll slink back into the corner and nibble on that crust of dry bread now.

Grim Reality Girl said...

I TRY to RSVP. My darling son thwarts my efforts with his amazing backpack of invitations. If I don't disassemble the damn thing I never see the invitation until after the darn party is over. Could you people please MAIL the invites? I don't have a snowballs chance in hell of getting the damn gift and kid to the party if you are trusting Wonder Boy to come home with the invitation. HELLO! If I can't get a damn permission slip do you really think I'm getting the notice about the gosh darn party????????

I don't want to be that inconsiderate bitch, just mail the damn invitation. Could you just mail it????? If I saw the invite I'd respond... really! Back OFF! I'm sorry already!!!!!!!!!

//no guilt issues here, nope......

Angelika said...

I don't RSVP because I don't go.

DDM said...

I always RSVP. And if plans change because of a sick kid or something, I always call and let them know.
My husband's family is NOTORIOUS for not RSVP'ing. I don't know how to get them to stop, they'll just make excuses for not RSVP'ing. ARGH!!!

Ella said...

I always RSVP and I hate it when others don't RSVP to parties I plan.

Last year when I was pregnant and very overdue I invited only my friends and their children to my son's party because I knew they would rsvp and I could not do with the hassle of other people not replying. It worked so well I think I may have to have another baby so that I can do the same again next year.

Meg said...

I'm a big RSVP-er. I won't show up unless I've done it because I know how tacky it is!

Then there are the people we invited to our wedding that RSVP'd and then they never showed up! We had cake running out of our ears and way too many chairs. It really pissed me off. So, on the opposite end, if you RSVP and can't make it, at least call someone to let them know!

Izzy said...

This is one of my top pet peeves. In the past, after not hearing from a large number of invitees, I just called every person hadn't responded and asked, very politely, if they had received the invitation and if so, were they planning on attending.

As an explanation, I just said some of our arrangements required us to pay in advance per child so we needed to know for sure.

Of course that wasn't entirely true but it tended to make it not seem personal and everyone can relate to the money part so most people were apologetic and gave me a definitive answer regarding their attendance.

Virginia Belle said...

wait........you have to be INVITED to go to parties?

well, i guess this explains all the weird looks i get.

oops.

LOL at Sueb0b. i wanna go to one of her parties.

i am thinking maybe people get "RSVP" and "Regrets only" confused?? i don't know. i always call the person regardless. which means i'm probably annoying the "regrets only" people...

i'm good about RSVPing. unless i totally space out on the invitation entirely. but that's different. and rare.

i ALWAYS do it for weddings. OMG i would be mortified if i forgot to do that. but really, how can you mess that up? they send you a little card, envelope, even a stamp! it's foolproof! there really isn't any excuse for not RSVPing to a wedding.